SP and I had come to the delightful Twin Cities for a wedding and to have dinner with a few of the locals. We arrived at the Stray Dog and found Leap At The Wheel and Pope Jimbo waiting for us. “Where’s Tundra?” we asked. The two Minnesotans shrugged. Jimbo replied, “He was supposed to be here, I have no idea what…” His ringing cell phone interrupted the conversation. “That’s him calling now. Hello?”

“Hey Jimbo, it’s Tundra. I have a bit of a problem.”

“What’s up?”

“Well, it’s a long story, but I need bail. Can you guys help?”

“What the hell happened?”

“I was in my Triumph, stopped at a light, when a very attractive woman came up and asked if I was looking for a date. Naturally, I offered her a ride. And things started going funny…”

“Funny?”

“Yeah. She asked me to head down a road, then pull over. Naturally, I did. And she reached over and started pulling down my fly. “$20 for a Kirby Classic.” I handed her a twenty, and she leaned over the center console and started to, well, you know. BJ.  It was pretty excellent, at least for a few seconds. But suddenly there were flashing lights from behind me. It was a cop! So I took off quickly. I mean, a guy of my reputation can’t be involved in some sort of hooker scandal. I figure, my Triumph can out-handle a cop car so they should be easy to lose. I was wrong.”

“What happened?”

“I ended up in a ditch. Cops all around me. They yanked me and the hooker out of the car. And her wig came off. I mean HIS wig. That was not a happy surprise. And they seemed to know him, apparently a regular. But the bastards arrested me, charged me with contributory sex trafficking, resisting arrest, mopery, reckless driving, and sodomy. I need you guys to get me out of here, they’re sticking me in a cell with a guy who keeps calling me ‘Fuck Socket.'”

“What’s bail?”

“I need $10,000 cash.”

Much laughter. “Enjoy your night and we’ll all have a beer in your honor!”

So Tundra, best of luck when you get out. We were all thinking of you.


Notable birthdays today include the great Peter Sellers, TV pioneer Sid Caesar, and my favorite country singer ever, Patsy Cline. And news… we got news.


Obama is back on the scold. We as a people have disappointed Daddy yet again.

“You happen to be coming of age” amid backlash to progress, Obama told the students. “It did not start with Donald Trump, he is a symptom, not the cause. He is just capitalizing on resentment that politicians have been fanning for years. A fear, an anger that is rooted in our past but is also borne in our enormous upheavals that have taken place in your brief lifetimes.”
Obama spent a sizable portion of his remarks criticizing Republicans in Congress, saying “the politics of resentment and paranoia has unfortunately found a home in the Republican Party” over the last few decades and argued that the policies GOP leaders are pursuing aren’t conservative.

“Yeah, bad bad Team Red! Deplorables! I’m the only one who should be peddling fear and anger!” Of course, his speech followed a very familiar pattern.

Obama’s favorite word seemed to be “I,” which he repeated at least 87 times, followed by more than a dozen references to “my” or “me.”

I wonder if we’ll ever get a president that isn’t a drooling narcissist. Sigh.


My favorite zoo exhibit is the Pander Bear. And it’s always fun to see them do their tricks.

“This is an extremely nuanced issue, and through his own personal experience and his own ideals, [Florida gubernatorial candidate Andrew Gillum] has come to the conclusion that he is not a supporter of the BDS movement,” David Singer, a campaign adviser to Gillum, told Orlando Weekly in an interview. Singer continued, “To be a progressive thinker, and as someone with progressive values, does not mean you are in lockstep with every position of the progressive movement. And this is one where he simply is not.”

A couple things come to mind, beyond the obvious, “I need some of that Jew gold for my campaign in Florida.” First, he’s going to be dead meat as the rest of the prog movement tears into him for apostasy. Second, why would anyone care what the foreign policy leanings are for a governor? Last I recall, this was totally a Federal issue. But, oh yeah, Florida and Jew gold.


I swear to Yahweh, I’ve seen this somewhere before…

Thunderstorms knocked out power to several homes in the historic town of Bridgeport, Connecticut on Thursday night, leaving residents scrambling for a way to see in the darkness. In the confusion, a 30-year-old woman reportedly grabbed a quarter stick of dynamite she had mistaken for a candle.

The woman suffered severe injuries to her face and hand, which may result in the loss of at least one finger.

Oh, now I remember! Wile E. Coyote! If this were the best of all possible worlds, the dynamite brand would have been Acme.


Talk about landing on the wrong side of the hot-crazy axis.

A South Carolina doctor is in stable condition Friday after suffering gunshot wounds while trying to block a spray of bullets fired by his former girlfriend, who then turned the weapon on herself, according to reports.
Jennifer Rudemyer, 39, who was found dead outside the Hilton Head Island home of Gaston Perez on Tuesday night, attacked him hours after he got a restraining order against her…

Given her business as a home organizer, he probably left his shoes on the floor in front of the couch.


And in honor of birthday boy Anton Dvorak, Old Guy Music features Roland Kirk doing a mashup of the Going Home theme from Dvorak’s New World Symphony and the classic Sentimental Journey.