Can you imagine what it’s like to be married to a prodigy like SP? I look upon her works and despair. Then she taunts me, before running off to play Barbie. At least she left me some good anniversary stuff today, the most notable being Neil Armstrong stepping onto the surface of the Moon in 1969. Right after Teddy Kennedy had a little oopsie involving killing a girl he was finished with. Oh, and it’s the birthday of Ernest Hemingway and Don Knotts. I am vastly more familiar with the oeuvre of the latter.

On to today’s leftover news:

 

Someday, we’ll understand what the fuck is going on between the Israelis and Hamas. Today is not that day.

Gaza’s militant Hamas rulers said Saturday they had accepted a cease-fire ending a massive Israeli onslaught on militant positions after a soldier was shot dead, once again pulling the sides back from the brink of a full-fledged war. Israel and Hamas have fought three such wars over the past decade and Hamas agreed to the second such cease-fire in a week under heavy Egyptian and international pressure.

The “massive onslaught” once again being bombing some empty buildings. I’m not saying that there’s some kind of hidden conspiracy, but there’s some kind of hidden conspiracy.

 

New York voters get another preview of their soon-to-be star congresschimp. Who of course will be busy representing them, campaigning for their votes, and attending to the issues that affect her district. Or maybe not.

Headlining a rally with Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders, Ocasio-Cortez sought to infuse the final weeks of Democrat Brent Welder’s congressional primary campaign with the enthusiasm that lifted her over 20-year Democratic incumbent Rep. Joe Crowley last month. Kansas’ 3rd District, where Welder is competing, represented by four-term Republican Rep. Kevin Yoder, is on Democrats’ target list as they aim to seize the GOP-controlled House in November.

When in doubt, prog harder!

 

This is no surprise at all.

According to a study by the apartment search service “Rent Hop,” the city received 50,963 rat complaints last year – more than any other city in the country. New York came in a distant second place, followed by Washington, D.C., and Boston.

The study claims “when comparing the number of complaints per 100,000 residents, Chicago topped the list with 1876.09 complaints per 100,000 residents.” Most of the neighborhoods with a higher concentration of rat complaints coincide with the neighborhoods with a higher concentration of dog poop.

This of course begs the question of, “Is Chicago the capital of rats or of complainers?”

 

This research explains much of the shitty driving I have to deal with on my lengthy daily commute.

The study found that cumulative RF-EMF brain exposure from mobile phone use over one year may have a negative effect on the development of figural memory performance in adolescents, confirming prior results published in 2015. Figural memory is mainly located in the right brain hemisphere and association with RF-EMF was more pronounced in adolescents using the mobile phone on the right side of the head.

Of course, this may be a self-healing condition.

Brittney N. Prehn, 22, of Illinois was holding her cellphone when she was hit. A bolt struck her in the ear and went through her body. The Kenosha County Sheriff’s office said at first they had trouble identifying Prehn because she had no ID on her and was unconscious.

 

This was an old Polish joke, the punchline of which is, “They thought of that, so they’re going at night!”

“To send a probe where you haven’t been before is ambitious. To send it into such brutal conditions is highly ambitious,” Nicola Fox, a project scientist from the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory, told a news conference on Friday.

I should make the obvious SP joke, but I value the integrity of my generative organs.

 

OK, Old Guy Music, and this time, I’m classing it up a bit. I’m amazed that Beethoven’s Piano Sonata 32 isn’t as well known as some of his more iconic pieces like Moonlight, but there you are. This is longer than my usual selections, but worth it. If you don’t know this sonata already, be prepared for some surprises- Beethoven foresaw jazz and boogie woogie. It’s unbelievable that this was written 75 years before Scott Joplin started composing. Seriously, put on your headphones, take 20 minutes out of your day, and be amazed.