Ay, dios mio!

Well yesterday was a strange day.  It only rained for about 20 minutes.  I didn’t know what to do with myself.  Hell, the sun actually came out in the afternoon too! So hopefully the storms are passing and we can set the auction yard for tomorrow’s sale and nobody will get sucked through a sinkhole into the bowels of the earth.  But if they do, maybe they’ll see the Argentina team bus on the way down.  I mean…wow.  They got kicked in the taint by Croatia so hard that their chances of advancing into the knockout stages are really, really low.  Like winning-the-Falklands War-level unlikely.  Elsewhere in the tournament, the Frogs beat Peru and the Socceroos drew with Denmark in what was a rather exciting game.  Today brings us Brazil-Costa Rica, Nigeria-Iceland and Serbia-Switzerland.  Two of those three should be enjoyable while the first one will probably look like a dramatic reenactment of the Charles Whitman shooting spree with all the flopping that’s been going on from South- and Central American players.

WOOOOO, PIG SOOOOOOEY!

Well we’re down to the Final Four in the College World Series.  And yes, those Happy Hogs are alive and kicking squealing.  They’ll take on Florida for the right to go to the championship series, needing to win just one game to get there and Florida needing to take a pair of games since they already have a loss.  The other pairing puts Oregon State in the position of needing two wins against Mississippi State, who needs just one to reach the final series. The action kicks off with Oregon State-MSU in the afternoon and UF-Arkansas in the evening.  Good luck to everyone. But not to the Gators.

The Astros were off. The Brewers won, the Reds beat the Cubs, the Giants won, the D-backs won and Baltimore continues to be inexplicably terrible as they fell to the Nats.  And that, my friends, is it for sports today.

Today we celebrate the birthday of gun enthusiast and enemy of bankers John Dillinger, the extraordinary filmmaker Billy Wilder, hospice founder Cicely Saunders, Highwayman Kris Kristofferson, “journalist” Ed Bradley, the pistol Pete Maravich, Polanski fan Meryl Streep, opportunistic scumbag Lizzie Warren, black Spock Tim Russ, filmmaking genius Bruce Campbell, Clyde “The Glide” Drexler, hater-of-Catholicism and writer of fiction Dan Brown, TV personality Carson Daly, top ranked golfer (in addition to being the dude banging Paulina Gretzky) Dustin Johnson, and somebody who goes by the name “Bob the drag queen”, whatever that means.

Mutineers set Henry Hudson adrift in Hudson Bay on this date. He was never seen from again. Galileo was forced to deny heliocentrism by the Pope, the first Continental Currency was issued, Napoleon abdicated his “throne” for the second time after getting crushed at Waterloo, the first ring doughnut was made, the US Government created the Department of Justice, the first passenger airship , named the Zeppelin Deutschland, took flight, George V, under which the British Empire reached its greatest size, took the throne, the aforementioned John Dillinger is named “public enemy No. 1, arguably the biggest military blunder of modern times, Operation Barbarossa, begins, Tricky Dick signed legislation setting the voting age at 18 across the country, John McEnroe threw his famous tantrum and Whitey Bulger was finally arrested.

Now that’s a lot better than yesterday, in my opinion. And there was a bunch of shit I left out too!  But I had to. Otherwise I’d have never gotten to…the links!

Looks like in addition to dying “in darkness” Democracy will die because of the jacket Melania Trump wore for a few minutes yesterday. Way to go, WaPo. I’m sure a Pulitzer is just around the corner for this bit of hard-hitting news.  Next thing you know, you’ll be reporting on what kind of salad dressing President Trump had relative to everybody else at lunch.

I’m just kidding.  That was actually breathlessly reported on by VOA and NPR. Seriously.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the biggest pussy in America.  Shocking that he’s facing charges and has been fired, which should be a relief to pre-teen children across the Wichita area.

Charles Krauthammer, Pulitzer Prize winner and war monger, has died. The world is no worse off for the loss.

Enemy of freedom.

Well it turns out that John McCain is a bigger piece of shit than even we believed him to be. Seriously, telling the IRS to audit PACs because the SC struck down your campaign finance law is a slap in the case of separation of powers, let alone a direct attack on the First Amendment.  That man needs to be charged with conspiracy to deprive the first amendment rights of every single group targeted by Lois Lerner and her jackboot goons.  I cannot stress enough how gross a violation of our rights to peaceably assemble and petition our government for a redress of grievances this is.  It attacks the fundamental foundation of a free people.

Is this what Alanis Morrissette would call “ironic”? I would.  I’d also call it hi-lar-i-ous!

OK, this shit is getting ridiculous.

Delta Airlines is banning pit bulls as service or “support-type” animals on their flights. And people are angry about it.  Here’s a bit of advice, Delta: ban ALL dogs that aren’t service animals for the blind or otherwise physically disabled.  The rest of your passengers will thank you and you can avoid headaches with breathlessly retarded people who can only fly if their Great Dane is standing beside them.  Let those fuckers pay to crate and ship their dog like everybody who wasn’t blind had to do before the whole “support animal” bullshit craze kicked off a short while ago.

Chicago medical examiner is so lazy that she wants to do away with the law that actually requires her office to visit crime scenes. The reason is simple: people in her office don’t follow the law anyway, so better to abolish the requirement rather than expect these public officials to follow it.  And furthermore, I mean who needs to look at a crime scene to determine cause of death anyway, right?

New Hampshire is rightfully pissed off over the Supreme Court’s Wayfair decision yesterday. Yeah, so is every small business owner in America who will be required to comply with the tax laws in 50 states, DC and several territories.

And lastly, Angela Merkel finally realizes her job is in jeopardy. About time you listened to your own citizens, dumbass.

Here you go, folks.

Have a great day and a better weekend, friends!