Morning Links: For The Love of Fruit Edition

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Eat your fruit, kids.

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Today’s birthdays include:

  • George III, King of Great Britain, 1738
  • Christopher Cockerell, inventor of the hovorcraft, 1910
  • Angelina Jolie, 1975

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Notable deaths:

  • Giacomo Casanova, “librarian and womanizer,” 1798
  • Ferdinand I, King of Sicily/Naples, 1825
  • Donald Eligon, cricketer, dies of blood poisoning from a nail in his boot, 1937

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Notable events:

  • It’s claimed Roquefort cheese created in a cave near Roquefort, France, today in 1070. Not sure if this is true, but it sounds good, and yay cheese.
  • June 4th seems to be a good day for ballooning. In 1783 Joseph and Jacques Montgolfier make 1st public hot-air balloon flight (unmanned), with an estimated altitude of 1,600-2,000m. One year later in 1784Β Madame Elizabeth Thible becomes the first female balloonist.

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And links for your amusement..

Volcano erupts in Guatemala

The history of the pineapple

Fajita thief sentenced to 50 years in jail

More than you might care to know about apricots

Human blood is worth more than silver

Durian in space, which is exactly where some might say it belongs

Apparently cheese chasing is a thing

As is tight rope racing in high heels

How to grow thornless blackberry plants

Two bobcat kittens die after woman mistook them for domesticated cats

Durian definitely doesn’t belong on a pizza

Intermitent fasting is good for more than just your waistline

A WWI soldier’s chocolate stash has been discovered

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Comments

399 responses to “Morning Links: For The Love of Fruit Edition”

  1. Old Man With Candy

    Durian is the Nick Gillespie of fruit.

    And it is not suitable for fruit sushi.

    1. Bob Boberson

      I guess I’ll just out myself; I think Durian is delicious. Granted I’ve never had a really smelly one.

      1. trshmnstr

        The smell reminds me of home.

        *bangs side of trash can*

      2. Evan from Evansville

        Singapore was awash with durians. Very stinky ones. And there are pictures of them with the Ghostbusters circle-and-cross over them on public transport and other venues. My big problem with them is more the “looks like an alien abortion and feels just as slimy” than with the taste itself.

        I guess you get used to the smell. Closes thing to it would be how we (some of us, at least) love the smell of blue cheese. (BTW, it is fucking hilarious to have Asians try blue cheese. It…doesn’t go over well.)

        1. I hate the smell and taste of bleu cheese. So I demand the universe conform to my worldview and ban bleu cheese!

      3. Psycho Effer

        I think someone slipped you some imitation Durian.

      4. C. Anacreon

        Durian Durian is great for when you’re hungry like the wolf.

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          Swiss is going to have a reflex to that comment

          1. mexican sharpshooter

            A gag reflex?

          2. Playa Manhattan

            I assume that’s what they were singing about in between group oral sex sessions.

            With other dudes.

          3. KibbledKristen

            It’s his last chance on the stairway to make a narrowed gaze.

    2. Count Potato

      “”Our main goal is to eventually bring Thai food up to space to be consumed by astronauts,” a spokesman for the Geo-Informatics and Space Technology Development Agency (GISTDA) told the BBC. ”

      So you are saying you want to put ladyboys in space?

      1. AlexinCT

        That or give the space toilets up there one heck of a workout.

        1. Bobarian LMD

          Explosive diarrhea in zero gravity can’t be hygienic.

    3. Count Potato

      “It also can be an adventure to get a pizza. Be prepared to either not get it, or wait a considerable amount of time for the kitchen to make dishes. Perhaps, it might even be better to call ahead, those there are many times the phone doesn’t even work. It’s something they’re reportedly trying to fix. If successful, a rough-hewn, sauceless pizza with slices of durian under mozzarella cheese will arrive. This isn’t artisanal pizza. It more than likely originated from a store-bought mix, and comes topped with grocery store mozzarella. But, it is durian pizza. The saltiness and milkiness of the cheese not only takes a bit of the edge off the durian, it compliments it. Somehow, it works.”

      I’m surprised they’re still in business.

      1. Sour Kraut

        Now I know what happened to the employees of that Marxist pizzeria in Ann Arbor.

        1. Bobarian LMD

          Eaten by the customers?

  2. straffinrun

    OT: No reason to go OT with that many links.

  3. Count Potato

    “Charles Lamb loved the fruit erotically: β€œPleasure bordering on pain, from the fierceness and insanity of her relish, like a lovers’ kisses she biteth.”

    That dude needed to get out more.

    1. Oh, I see how you are…you, you bigot against fruitisexuals!!!!!

      1. Count Potato

        Well, if was willing to spend eight grand to whack off over a pineapple…

        sorry, I couldn’t keep a straight face.

        1. Whatever, Gay Face.

      2. bacon-magic

        Pinesexual?

      3. Gustave Lytton

        Robby Suave hit hardest.

    2. Count Potato

      “Cue countrywide madness. As the Enlightenment period made the rich richer, the landed aristocracy began to engage in a frenzy of new hobbies, including gambling, boozing, and time-consuming, expensive pineapple cultivation. Pineries needed care around the clock, custom-built greenhouses, and mountains of coal to keep the temperatures high. The fruit took three to four years to bloom. The cost of rearing each one was equivalent to eight thousand dollars in today’s money. The sheer expense meant it was considered wasteful to eat them, and they remained, as during Charles II’s reign, dinnertime ornaments. A pineapple would be passed from party to party until it began to rot, and the maids who transported the pineapples placed themselves in mortal danger should they be accosted by thieves. For those who did not have the funds to grow their own, a bevy of pineapple-rental shops sprung up.”

      Wow.

  4. MikeS

    Just last week I was watching some cheese rolling video. Some of those people smack their heads Gouda hard

    1. trshmnstr

      It’s an activity that you don’t think would even brie a thing.

      1. blackjack

        yeah it’s a whole sub culture

    2. straffinrun

      Ozzie Man review? I don’t know who posted that, but it killed about an hour of time I didn’t have.

      1. MikeS

        Ozzie man reviewed it? Oh shit no, I haven’t seen that…yet.

    3. Slammer

      Brie careful, you’ll get Swiss attention

      1. Not Adahn

        Emmantel him if you don’t

        1. These puns are just no Gouda.

          1. Rasilio

            That one just blue be away

    4. MikeS

      The story also contains some great Australian slang for speedos: budgie smugglers.

    5. *narrows gaze at the lot of ye*

      1. Floridaman

        Don’t act holier than thou Swiss.

        1. straffinrun

          Don’t make it a wedge issue.

          1. SoberPhobic

            y’all cracker me up

          2. MikeS

            Everyone’s on a roll today!

          3. Rasilio

            Some of us are feta up with it

          4. C. Anacreon

            That’s the fact, Jack.

    6. Chipwooder

      After they catch the cheese, I assume they edam?

      1. Floridaman

        They have to cut the cheese first.

    7. bacon-magic

      They were just trying to havarti good time.

  5. trshmnstr

    How to grow thornless blackberry plants

    I have a few. They don’t produce quite as well, but they are much less of a pain in the ass to deal with. Looks like we may get a few pints this year (year 2 of the plants).

    1. ElspethFlashman

      Are they as sweet as the thorned variety?

    2. AlexinCT

      much less of a pain in the ass

      Maybe you are using the wrong end of the body to deal with these thinggies?

      1. Not Adahn

        The wasps don’t care, they’ll sting you anywhere they can.

  6. Slammer

    One year later in 1784, Madame Elizabeth Thible becomes the first female balloonist.

    How was her parking?

    1. trshmnstr

      A thible to the left.

    2. Bob Boberson

      I Lol’d. Thats impossible though, my public school education made sure I understood that women were never allowed to do anything but cook and make babies prior to Susan B. Anthony.

      1. C. Anacreon

        And Susan B. Anthony was the first Ebonics Transgender.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Things some of us already knew

    Colorado, traditionally a battleground state, now leans left, with the state voting Democrat for the last three presidential and gubernatorial contests. Prior to that, from 1968 through 2004, Republicans won the state’s electoral votes nine of ten times. Currently, Democrats have a 36-29 lead in the state House of Representatives and hold the governor’s mansion. Migration patterns can help explain this political shift: In 2015 alone, more than 29,000 Golden Staters and 11,000 Illinois residents moved to Colorado.

    ————

    These geopolitical patterns create what I call the β€œlocust theory.” Residents of Democratic states get frustrated with high costs of living, regulations and taxes and move to better economic conditions in GOP-dominated areas. However, these domestic migrants bring their voting habits with them without even considering why they left their original homes.

    Of course, there is a very real possibility your average reader of The Hill considers this to be good news.

    1. Plenty of us here in Colorado consider it anything but.

  8. Michael

    Which planet did I wake up on today? What day is this?

    https://twitter.com/ENBrown/status/1003584474444189696

    1. Slammer

      I hate when people animate/cartoonize(?) profile pics

      1. straffinrun

        Of have vulgar picks in them.

      2. Count Potato

        I think it’s cute.

      3. The Elite Elite

        Eh, it’s more attractive than her actual face so I’m not going to complain.

        1. Chipwooder

          This was my reaction as well.

        2. It says to me that the person is self-conscious about their appearance.

      4. I hate GIFs substituting for video.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      Anders is one dumb motherfucker.

  9. Count Potato

    “The price of vanilla has hit a record high of $600 (Β£445) per kilogram for the second time since 2017 when a cyclone damaged many of the plantations in Madagascar, where three quarters of the world’s vanilla is grown. Silver by comparison currently costs $538/kg.”

    Three-quarters sounds a bit high. Anyway, what’s keeping Mexico from growing more?

    1. Slammer

      +1 Peter Gregory

      1. Old Man With Candy

        RIP.

    2. mexican sharpshooter

      Nothing. I was there a two weekends ago and it was still like $2 for more vanilla than you will need for the next 5 years.

      1. Not Adahn

        Yes, but that stuff is adulterated to hell and back with synthetic vanillin, which is why it’s so delicious.

  10. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Manic Monday: Ten Things I Hate About You Edition

    I hate the way he looks. I hate that ridiculous orange spray tan he has and his weird fucking hair. I hate the fact that he’s actually delusional enough that he thinks that looks good. I hate that idiotic red clown tie he wears. I hate that his resting face is a nasty, squinty-eyed scowl. I hate how someone who looks as silly as him has the unbelievable gall to mock other people’s physical appearances.

    etc…

    1. Michael

      I hate how he’s another rich entitled jerkoff celebrity who thinks he’s qualified to do anything just because he was born with a silver spoon up his ass.

      But enough about Obama…

    2. Slammer

      They didn’t have a single word to say about Trump for the last 30 years until their Queen Hillary lost the election

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Especially on the racist front or Russian collision. One would *think* that sort of thing would, you know, eke out given his prominence in pop culture.

    3. WTF

      Well, given the various successes Trump has had, particularly on the economic front, I guess complaining about his looks is all they have left.

    4. straffinrun

      Just felt like letting off a little steam.

      Dude, I think you gotta a little more left. Let it out.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        I think he needs to have a nice clean bowel movement, he sounds a little backed up.

        1. C. Anacreon

          He hates how Trump has such well-formed and regular bowel movements every morning.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    The UN and their “special rapporteur” can go fuck themselves.

    Alston, a New York University law professor, also paid visits to slum areas in downtown Los Angeles and Puerto Rico.

    Now, ahead of a presentation to the U.N. later this month, he is criticizing the Trump administration for gutting the United States’ safety net by slashing welfare benefits and access to health insurance.

    “If food stamps and access to Medicaid are removed, and housing subsidies cut, then the effect on people living on the margins will be drastic,” he told the Guardian, saying the loss of those protections would lead to “severe deprivation.”

    Alston also lambasted the administration over its recent tax cut, saying that legislation will offer “financial windfalls” to the rich and large corporations, leading to even more inequality.

    We need some blue helmet rape squads and NGO vultures in Appalachia. That would help.

    1. WTF

      Yes, a booming economy and record low unemployment is just awful for poor people.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      They’re so retardedly tiresome with their shitty takes.

      Meanwhile, they stack the Human Rights commission with all sorts of shithole countries.

      They’re the last organism to speak on this. If I’m American, I’d be outrage that they speak of it as if it’s a shithole itself because of ONE fricken man.

    3. Suthenboy

      “slashing welfare benefits and access to health insurance”

      Not forcing people to buy something they dont want is the same as taking it away from them. What a bunch of mendacious slimy fucks the left is.

    4. Rasilio

      So he is blasting the Trump administration for slashing the safety net and then says …

      β€œIf food stamps and access to Medicaid are removed, and housing subsidies cut, then the effect on people living on the margins will be drastic,”

      So, which is it? Has the safety net been slashed or not?

      Also, drastic how? You mean they might need to go out and get a job in an economy with a 4% unemployment rate? Maybe they will have to drop down to basic cable?

      1. C. Anacreon

        Also, the truly poor get Medicaid and food stamps already. Cuts to Medicaid eligibility are usually target higher wage earners, 3x or 4x poverty level in some cases. None of the people “living in the margins” at at risk for much in this country except obesity.

        I hate these assholes. Trump is just their latest convenient target, their true beef is why haven’t we embraced socialism and why do we have such a high standard of living, it’s not fair.

        In fact, if they think we’re such a hellhole, they should be encouraging us to build the wall, to keep people from coming here and suffering so.

    5. invisible finger

      Funny how people living on the margins are never affected by tax increases though.

    6. kbolino

      This is the same guy who said he’d never seen conditions as bad as he saw in Alabama anywhere else in the world. The New York Times helpfully informed us that the median income for the place in question (or, at least, places like it) was $27,000 which apparently puts basic sanitation out of peoples’ price ranges. They also make reference to inexplicable “prosecutions” for “straight pipes” which I’m sure have nothing to with building codes, licensed trade organizations, and unionized government workers.

    7. R C Dean

      On the day of his visit, he said, sewage was visible inches from the family’s house β€” a reflection of their county’s failing infrastructure β€” and mildew and mold were growing inside. Alston said he had never seen sewage problems like it in the developed world.

      Note the many stolen bases and red herrings.

      Mold and mildew in the house have nothing to do with sewage infrastructure. They have to do with the integrity of the house’s envelope (is it leaking) and plumbing, and whether the people living there are keeping it clean.

      Sewage visible close to their house? Do they have a septic system, or are they connected to the county/municipal waste water system? If the former, again, not a sewage infrastructure problem.

      I like the vagueness of the “developed world” claim. Which countries would that include, and just how many Po Folk in the Mist excursions has he done in these countries? If his exposure to the rest of the developed world is 4 star hotels, as I would expect of a UN apparatchik, then his observation is pretty worthless.

      As with others, I find the claim that Trump has gutted the US safety net to be, shall we say, lacking in specifics. To my knowledge, Trump hasn’t changed eligibility requirements or reduced funding for any welfare program, but maybe I missed something.

      1. kbolino

        I think stealing bases is the point. You’re not supposed to wonder why, you’re supposed to feel “concerned” and thus needing to vote for the government to piss away more money and impose more bullshit rules.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      I’d forgotten all about Canary Mission’s existence, now I’m going down their timeline and getting angry all over again. Damn you.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      And Twitter leaves this guy alone?

      Cowardly little prog pukes.

    3. Chafed

      He’s a peach.

  12. The Elite Elite

    Do you know the reason for government’s cracking down on sex workers in New Orleans? Gentrification of course! TW: Salon

    1. Endless Mike

      Why does the left hate single mothers?

  13. Count Potato

    “At the start of this year Pfizer announced that it was increasing the price of its blue Viagra pills in the US by up to 39% compared to January 2017, according to reports in The Financial Times, a 100mg tablet jumped from $57.94 to $80.82.

    The company has now started to produce a cheaper generic version of the drug, which is sold as a white pill, after signing a deal to let other companies produce their own Viagra copycat drugs. But it is clearly still banking on customers wanting the original blue pill.”

    Wasn’t only $10 in 1998?

    1. straffinrun

      Being blue pilled turns you into a giant dick?

      1. SandMan

        OK, I larfed.

    2. whiz

      That blue dye sure is expensive.

    3. Erections have consequences, dude.

  14. A WWI soldier’s chocolate stash has been discovered

    I’m slowly – and it makes for painful reading – making my way through Now It Can Be Told which I see is available for free on Kindle. Short version: journalist writes of his experiences in WW1 – the real stuff, not the censored version. This book only solidifies my anti-war stance.

    1. War is a bit different now…no mass, drafted armies, Except for Russia going after Georgia and Ukraine – not usually the conquest of territory by another state wars anymore either. Usually proxy/insurgency fights (or ones gone wrong like ISIS or Libya).

    2. LJW

      Dan Carlin referenced Gibbs a couple times in his podcast. I can only imagine the graphic details in this book.

    3. The Last American Hero

      It is an excellent read. The scale of the carnage vs. how little the battle lines moved at some of the places he was at is pretty staggering.

    4. creech

      The reviews of the book describe the horrible, barbaric conditions of WWI as seen through Gibbs’ eyes. What is remarkable is that the survivors were all too willing to send their sons off to fight again in WWII. America learned something (for one generation, at least): Civil War survivors generally didn’t urge their sons off to war; it was the grandsons who marched off to WWI. as proud and arrogant Yankee Doodles.

      1. Gustave Lytton

        The Plains Indians say How. Also Cuba, the P.I., and the Yangtze Patrol.

    5. ron73440

      Good book, but you are right it was painful.

      I would read it a couple nights and then switch for a week or so before I came back to it.

      It gave me some horrific dreams that I did enjoy.

  15. The Elite Elite

    Most Americans don’t know any trannies. But don’t worry, There’s a new show that’ll put trannies in your home every week this summer! I’m sure the viewership will be through the roof. TW: Mother Jones

    1. Grumbletarian

      Most Americans Don’t Know Anyone Who’s Transgender. β€œPose” Could Help Change That.

      Do they believe watching the show will induce gender dysphoria in viewers or something?

      1. R C Dean

        That was my question. How does a TV show about something make it more common in the real world, exactly? I mean, I can watch all the shows I want about organized crime (fictional and documentary), but I still don’t know any gangsters.

        1. Not Adahn

          You really should know who your senators and representative are.

          1. R C Dean

            Fair point. I have met the Governor (as I told my boss “He’s short, like his speeches”) and my House member.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Wait, I thought we all knew transgenders? Aren’t they like 87% of the population now?

      1. Rasilio

        Closer to .87%

  16. Tulip

    It’s National Cheese Day

    1. National Constipation Day?

      1. DrOtto

        That’s tomorrow.

  17. The Elite Elite

    Transgender Kindergartner. Yeah, I don’t think anything else needs to be said.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      The simple fact that her parents are allowing media publicity around the situation tells me all I need to know.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        her? his? xers?

    2. Count Potato

      Is there an article that goes with that?

      1. straffinrun

        You’re right. “A Transgender Kindergartner.”

        1. The Sleeper

          I think the full German word is Transgenderbenderkindertrender.

  18. The Elite Elite

    How about some projection to start off your day? John Stewart on Samantha Bee: “It’s a right-wing ‘we’re the victim’ game.” Yup. The right is always playing the victim card. Sure.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      The right has just started doing what the left has been doing for decades. I don’t agree with either, but it’s rich to hear the leftists complaining about it.

      1. WTF

        I agree, but it’s good to make the left live by their own rules.

        1. Or any at all, really.

          I’m seeing people who were quiet as church mice during the Obama administration erupt in daily outrage fests over goddamned tweets, and I’m frankly sick of it. It’s gone beyond the hypocrisy of “Congress needs to get out of the way” during Obama and suddenly “Congress and the Supreme Court must check the president’s out-of-control power”, which was annoying enough. Shit, if I thought they’d really found religion on the idea of federalism or limited government of any kind I’d be thrilled. But this is blatantly partisan…hell, personal, really. Every time I hear “Trump is a disgusting rapist, why is the POTUS tweeting about a comedian?!” my mind fills in the rest: “…and you should’ve voted for Hillary you disgusting deplorable, because she might have been a disastrous president who ran a campaign based essentially on hating you and people like you, she might have gotten us involved in even more wars overseas while she ran the economy into the ground and waged all-out war against individual liberty, but she was a woman and a Democrat, damn it, and she knew better than you and it was her turn!”

      2. Chipwooder

        Pretty much where I’m at. It’s pathetic no matter who does it, but sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

    2. straffinrun

      Stewart wasn’t buying the outrage from the right, implying that Bee shouldn’t have apologized, and he suggested it was all calculated and part of the “‘we’re the real victims’ game” conservatives play.

      Lies of omission are the best kind of lies.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Stewart is a feckless cunt.

        1. straffinrun

          I don’t care about comedians making jokes. Β―\_(ツ)_/Β―

          1. Suthenboy

            If only they would start doing that.

          2. straffinrun

            Sometimes you gotta lead. “I don’t care what either Roseanne or Bee did.”

          3. Charlie Suet

            Neither do I. I do care about hypocrisy, though. Bee and her co-religionists would have had the screaming ab-dabs if anyone had described Chelsea Clinton in those terms.

        2. Stinky Wizzleteats

          Do you know who else wouldn’t have liked John Stewart if he’d lived long enough to know him?

          1. Chipwooder

            Henry Ford?

      2. LJW

        I agree she shouldn’t have apologized. Apologies are meaningless. People need to stop bowing to the outrage crowds, it only empowers them more when we do.

        1. Bob

          It’s about forcing the left to live up their professed standards. They kick people off social media, attack them, try to get them fired, and ostracized. The way you stop that is to return the favor and create social consequences for their actions. The right needs to make there game not fun to them anymore.

          1. trshmnstr

            This. The left has been hitting pretty hard for flag football for a while, and the right seems to finally be wising up and playing tackle, too. Will it last? Will they be able to get any traction with the media establishment sabotaging them at every turn? I dunno.

          2. R C Dean

            As long as the lefties/proggies have an incentive to to attack people personally and get them fired, they will continue to do so (You get more of what you reward). If the new game of wrecking people’s lives starts to hurt them, maybe they’ll stop (You get less of what you punish) and we will remember why it used to be considered bad form.

            Nobody ever won a war, culture or otherwise, by unilaterally disarming.

    3. Rufus the Monocled

      The *Genius* has spoken.

      Cunts have to stick up for each other.

    4. Drake

      But Rosanne is still evil for telling a pretty good joke about a lady that is some race or another, right?

      1. Old Man With Candy

        From that same page:

        As a matter of observable–if, to many, unwelcome–fact, virtually all of the work in STEM fields (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) in America is done by whites. Blacks contribute nothing and Hispanics, to date anyway, very little.

        Well, you can safely ignore anything else they have to say.

        1. Drake

          I linked it for the pictures. I would thought there would be a ton of those around the internet by now but not that I found.

        2. Akira

          Census data on STEM occupations shows that Asians are overrepresented in proportion to their population (Wiki sez they’re about 6% of the population).

          There’s pretty weak evidence that STEM fields are white supremacist organizations.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Trump is bad, children, mmmkay?

    The chief beneficiaries of Trump’s plan would be coal-plant operators and their suppliers, a group that includes some of the president’s top supporters. The losses for everybody else β€” in higher emissions of carbon, additional premature deaths, and higher outlays on electricity β€” would be far greater. Dirty energy at higher cost: That’s some deal.

    We’re all gonna die! And it’s Public Enemy Number One’s fault.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      OMG. The comments. What in the hell?

      No wonder Bloomberg acts like such a sanctimonious jerk. He has to reflect his audience.

      Can they be anymore insufferable and hyperbolic?

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        “Why should the American Tax – Payer guarantee the future profits and continuing existence of any dying industry? Universal Basic Income for Workers, Unlimited Training Opportunities for Workers, and Assistance in starting their own small businesses make far more sense than guaranteeing returns for investors, coddling management that made poor choices and continuing to reward them with inflated salaries, perks and benefits… We need a bottom up economy that invests in human potential and not a trickle – down economy that rewards mega-donors and their failed private economic enterprises…”

        What’s the origin of this ‘let’s use taxes’ to spur entrepreneurial growth? I’d like to see a serious study on that.

        “The US is still under the noxious cloud of toxicity, from Apollo Beach, FL to Alvin, TX, from Massey Coal in VA to ExxonMobil in the Artic Circle … Sketchy Scott Pruitt and Share-Holder Returns aren’t growing America. They’re KILLING America one breath at a time …………”

        1. Unreconstructed

          *Steps outside of office, looks around* Nope, there’s no noxious cloud of toxicity in Alvin, TX. Don’t know where the author gets that idea.

        2. Where do these people think the juice for their Priuseseseses come from?

          1. R C Dean

            Unicorn farts. Duh.

  20. Drake

    Our moronic New Jersey Governor is having trouble convincing other Democrats to go along with his “tax everything possible” plan for prosperity. After some high-profile departures by millionaires blew a hole in the state’s revenue, most are reluctant to go full-retard with a new “millionaire’s tax”. Murphy does’t suffer from that kind of hesitancy.

    1. Suthenboy

      Was it Mark Zuckerberg that gave $100M to the schools in Camden? Do I have that right?
      I remember laughing my ass off when not one penny went to the schools, the money went ‘poof’ and disappeared and no one could account for where it went.

      1. WTF

        He gave it to Newark, but yeah, it just sort of disappeared.

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          That was proof that Zuckerberg is an idiot that got lucky. No one with any sense freely gives the government money with no strings attached. And no one with an operational frontal lobe gives New Jersey money.

      2. Slammer

        That was a Grade A example of what I’ve always questioned about the Left…If all these problems can be solved by throwing money at it, why don’t they ever question the failed resuts?

        1. Chipwooder

          Because shut up, racist.

      3. Drake

        I think it was Newark, but yeah that didn’t work out. Could have built some alternative charter schools with the money – or just crop-dusted the city with cash. Both would have helped the students more.

        1. ruodberht

          Why would a different kind of public schools have helped? The problem with Newark is the IQ of its kids, not the schooling. And if it were schooling, why MOAR PUBLIC schools like charters?!

          1. kbolino

            Depending on the district and the charter, charter schools can do things other public schools can’t, like have fewer administrators and administrative functionaries, non-unionized teachers, selective admission and retention policies, and meaningful performance metrics for both students and teachers, higher standards of discipline, and even traditional religious education.

            IQ is an input, it is not the only input. Nor is it entirely immutable.

  21. Drake

    Woops – this will give you a tingle but not the good kind.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s one way to get more replacement window business

    2. ChipsnSalsa

      Fuck it Dude, let’s go bowling.

      1. C. Anacreon

        Red sky at morning, sailor go bowling.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    After some high-profile departures by millionaires blew a hole in the state’s revenue, most are reluctant to go full-retard with a new β€œmillionaire’s tax”.

    NEEDZ MOAR EXIT TAX.

    1. Trolleric the Goth

      how does the enforcement on that work? seems fairly straightforward to sidestep

  23. Drake

    Ben Rhodes Joins MSNBC, NBC News as Political Contributor

    He wasn’t already? Did that video prove his purity?

    1. Chipwooder

      I eagerly await the pearls of wisdom of a failed novelist who enjoyed playacting at diplomacy.

    2. Sour Kraut

      “Over to you, Ben.”

      “I…………..this…………….I……………..no words.”

      1. ChipsnSalsa

        *applause*

  24. AlexinCT

    Christopher Cockerell, inventor of the hovorcraft, 1910

    Not to be picky – especially since as someone that was more technical I am prone to abuses of the English language that make others cringe – but I believe the damned floaty thing is called a hovercraft on account of the principle used to make it do what it does resulting in the thing hovering or something like that. Not to be mistaken with a hoovercraft, which is a title given to ladies with a certain skillset that allows them to suck golf balls through garden hoses…

    1. AlexinCT

      Bleh, html fail.

  25. straffinrun

    Doooooooooo it.

    John McAfee

    @officialmcafee

    In spite of past refusals, I have decided to again run for POTUS in 2020. If asked again by the Libertarian party, I will run with them. If not, I will create my own party. I believe this will best serve the crypto community by providing the ultimate campaign platform for us.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Excellent, he won’t het the LP nomination, someone safe like Weld or Johnson will, but at least he can contribute to driving the policy agenda.

    2. tarran

      Well, hookers no longer being an option for him, he’s come up with a new way to waste the money he doesn’t want anymore.

      1. straffinrun

        What is wrong with you? You think hookers are a waste of money?!

        1. commodious spittoon

          The latest Myron Bolitar mystery features an extended internal monologue by his psychopath sidekick explaining why he no longer pays for sex, using all the woke tropes you’d expect from an anti-sex work campus feminist. It’s totally out of place and smacks of Coben getting his struggle session in print to paper over the character’s flaws. This being an extremely violent psychopath who, in the first pages of that novel, slits the necks of three baddies without any qualms. But paying high-price escorts to spend the night is now a bridge too far for Coben. Fuckin’ embarrassing what our culture comes to.

          1. commodious spittoon

            Oh, and he doesn’t say as much, but the implication is that his costly Monaco whores are better off being treated like short-term girlfriends who are paid in pricey meals and ritzy accommodations, with the dubious premise that maybe they might be the one to win him over to monogamy. So leading on a woman who would otherwise prefer payment in cash with lies is more honest than leaving money on the dresser. At least, that’s the implication. The girls don’t get a choice anymore, Coben’s character has made the choice for them, for their own good. Because sex work is exploitative, but emotional exploitation is fine.

        2. Endless Mike

          If you’re a zillionaire, hookers are probably cheaper than girlfriends.

    3. The Last American Hero

      A chicken in every pot, and a dead hooker in the trunk of every car?

    4. AlmightyJB

      “If not, I will create my own party”

      Good look getting on any ballots. I’m rooting for ya though.

    5. mexican sharpshooter

      YES!!! America wants crazy, and goddamn it the LP should give them crazy!

  26. The Late P Brooks

    If all these problems can be solved by throwing money at it, why don’t they ever question the failed resuts?

    That’s why they are so afraid of the KochBros nefarious scheme to infiltrate universities with economic research grants. The work funded by that filthy Koch lucre goes to examine the actual real world effects of government policy, and not just extol the virtuous intent.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I get the distinct feeling that’s a troll account.

      1. Michael

        I’m pretty sure you’re right, but god damn if that isn’t funny.

    2. ChipsnSalsa

      I concur with the comments, peanut butter.

    3. straffinrun

      On your own table.

  27. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Even Maureen Dowd is tired of Obama

    Hours after the globe-rattling election of a man whom Barack Obama has total disdain for, a toon who would take a chain saw to the former president’s legacy on policy and decency, Obama sent a message to his adviser Ben Rhodes: β€œThere are more stars in the sky than grains of sand on the earth.”

    Perhaps Obama should have used a different line with a celestial theme by Shakespeare: β€œThe fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.”

    As president, Obama always found us wanting. We were constantly disappointing him. He would tell us the right thing to do and then sigh and purse his lips when his instructions were not followed.

    Shortly after Donald Trump was elected, Rhodes writes in his new book, β€œThe World as It Is,” Obama asked his aides, β€œWhat if we were wrong?”

    But in his next breath, the president made it clear that what he meant was: What if we were wrong in being so right? What if we were too good for these people?

    β€œMaybe we pushed too far,” the president continued. β€œMaybe people just want to fall back into their tribe.”

    So really, he’s not acknowledging any flaws but simply wondering if we were even more benighted than he thought. He’s saying that, sadly, we were not enlightened enough for the momentous changes wrought by the smartest people in the world β€” or even evolved enough for the first African-American president.

    β€œSometimes I wonder whether I was 10 or 20 years too early,” Obama mused to aides.

    We just weren’t ready for his amazing awesomeness.

    1. the smartest people in the world

      If they’re the gosh-darn smartest people in the world, then we’re in a heap of trouble.

    2. Old Man With Candy

      That was… stunning. I can almost forgive her the infamous edibles column.

    3. Michael

      Tellymon
      Portland,ORJune 3
      Times Pick
      Obama did not disappoint me. America did. Obama got a lot done in his 1st 2 years, there is only so much legislation that can be rushed through, and he and congress were battling a sinking ship with the great recession. Once the mid terms hit, and voter turnout dropped to one of the all time lows, the tea party took the house, and the senate majority shrunk. And don’t forget the loss of Kennedy’s senate seat. Without congress his future agenda was done. True change takes time. The policies Obama wished he could push would take several terms of struggle and public pushing. We all want everything changed in a half a term, and if we don’t get it, we turn our backs, don’t vote, and scream what a disappointment the candidate was. Bernie should be thankful he wasn’t next to be called a disappointment. If MLK had the political endurance of the average American voter, blacks would still be sitting at the back of the bus and using separate bathrooms. Thank GOD he had the will to keep fighting.

      JFC

      1. commodious spittoon

        You want to free up some political and actual capital to pursue all the socialist shit you want to shove down our throats, in the midst of a recession? Okay, genius, here’s the secret sauce for your shit sandwich: cut taxes and cut spending. When the economy recovers, as it will and quickly, you can start toying with health insurance markets. But to shove through hugely wasteful public investments, further distort ailing markets, and on top of that legislative dumpster fire try to nationalize health insurance, is a guarantee that all of your agenda items go up in smoke the second voters can catch a breath.

      2. kbolino

        The Democrats depended heavily on disparate turnout for their victories, but it’s only a problem when “the tea party” benefits from it?

        1. kbolino

          The scare quotes around “the tea party” were not meant to denigrate the movement itself (although it fizzled out/got co-opted), but rather the Democrats’ perception of it. And I imagine if one looked closely, the districts where Tea Party candidates won probably had higher turnout than average.

    4. Chipwooder

      Ben Rhodes is really, really impressed with himself.

      1. R C Dean

        Given his adulation of Obama, I think its safe to say he is easily impressed.

  28. Evan from Evansville

    We just weren’t ready for his amazing awesomeness.

    Please let that be a blockquote fail. Jesus fucking Christ. What an asshole.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      It wasn’t. It was sarcasm on her part.

  29. Count Potato

    This is a thornless blackberry:

    “If any First Lady “disappeared,” you’d “want to know where she is.” Here’s our @CNN discussion:”

    https://twitter.com/brianstelter/status/1003415901432053760

    1. creech

      For Zardoz’ sake, she’s in Russia colluding with Putin. And by “colluding” mean……

    2. Count Potato

      “”You’d want to know where she is” implies that her whereabouts are unknown, Brian. If two White House reporters saw her on May 29, her whereabouts are not unknown.”

      https://twitter.com/neontaster/status/1003456009946484736

  30. Count Potato

    “BLACK STUDENT ADOPTED BY WHITE PARENTS QUITS HARVARD TO DENOUNCE HER OWN WHITE PRIVILEGE

    A 24-year-old Harvard student has decided to quit during her last year of law school for what she believes to be ethical reasons.Evelyn Matheson, 24, has decided to go public about her decision to boycott her final exams because she did not feel entitled to her estimated $300,000 Harvard law school education because of her white upbringing.Matheson claims that the reality of her white social status and privilege became unbearable to her as she was about to complete her Harvard law studies.β€œUnlike most black folks who have spent their life victims of discrimination, oppression, and poverty, I have had the unfair privilege of having a white upbringing because of my wealthy adoptive white parents that I clearly do not deserve,” Matheson told reporters.Matheson has also recently reunited with her biological mother and plans to move back with her in the Detroit region…”

    http://nyeveningnews.com/2018/06/03/black-student-adopted-by-white-parents-quits-harvard-to-denounce-her-own-white-privilege/

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Congratulations go to Harvard for ruining a life in the most expensive way possible.

      1. OneOut

        She certainly does not deserve her adoptive parents.

        I wonder if black privilege affirmative action had anything to do with her acceptance to Havaaad?

    2. tarran

      Jesus!

      Nice fuck you to the mom and dad who raised her!

      1. Chipwooder

        Seriously. What an ungrateful bitch.

    3. WTF

      The Onion? Or is she really admitting that privilege has nothing to do with race?

      1. ChipsnSalsa

        Well it’s a “White” upbringing. You know the kind that emphasizes learning, hard work and personal responsibility. Totes unfair.

    4. straffinrun

      This is exactly what Harvard wanted. She passed the final exam. *Hands her the diploma*

      1. C. Anacreon

        You’re right, it’s “Paper Chase 2 – Electric Boogaloo”.

    5. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Ungrateful bitch

    6. Raston Bot

      move back to Detroit to get knocked up out of wedlock and/or murdered in a drug shooting.

      her adopted parents tried their best. no shame in that. raising even the most perfect child is difficult, let alone one with crippling mental health problems.

    7. ruodberht

      Most black folks are victims of all that shit? One wonders why so many happen to be victims.

    8. AlmightyJB

      She probably realizes that she doesn’t want to be a lawyer because its work and she knows that she’s not smart enough to ever pass the bar. This was her way to turn being a quitter into being a hero on twitter.

      1. creech

        Let’s applaud this young woman. The world didn’t need another Harvard trained lawyer.

    9. Raston Bot

      HOAX

      1. straffinrun

        Damn. You’re right.

        1. BY CLAIM, MEAN HAPPENED!

      2. kbolino

        While not an iron law, one should generally remember, if something seems too good to be true, then it probably isn’t true.

    10. Slammer

      She sounds feckless

    11. Bob

      I suspect she was failing at school and realized it would look better to claim wokeness prevented her degree than dumbness.

    12. Rasilio

      So they are admitting that it has absolutely nothing to do with skin color or race and everything to do with culture now?

    13. I hope her parents write her out of their will.

    14. Gilmore

      click the link to the source:

      “”World News Daily Report assumes all responsibility for the satirical nature of its articles and for the fictional nature of their content. All characters appearing in the articles in this website – even those based on real people – are entirely fictional and any resemblance between them and any person, living, dead or undead, is purely a miracle””

    15. Couldn’t. Care. Less.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    Commence rehabilitation of hero

    He remembered being unsure whether the blasts were coming from outside or inside the building, or if someone was firing shots in the adjacent parking lot or sniping from the roof. He didn’t know, and no one was there to tell him, and he remembered reacting in those first seconds by doing what he believed he had been trained to do: taking cover in a tactical position so he could clear the area. He leaned his back against the wall of an adjacent building. He took out his gun and scanned the surrounding palm trees, the courtyard, the windows, the parking lot and the roof. He waved at students who were walking through the courtyard and told them to clear the area. He reached for his school radio and gave a β€œCode Red” to lock down the school. He picked up his police radio for the first time just after 2:23 p.m.

    β€œPlease advise, we have possible, uh, could be firecrackers. I think we got shots fired. Possible shots fired, 1200 building,” he said, according to a recording of the radio traffic.

    He remembered standing for the next several seconds with his back against the wall, scanning the area around the building for a possible shooter. Trees. Roof. Windows. Courtyard. Trees, roof, windows, courtyard. He could see much of campus from his position, but he couldn’t find a shooter. He remembered staying in place because he didn’t want to expose himself when he didn’t know where the shots were coming from. He remembered feeling certain the gunshots were coming from somewhere near or inside the 1200 building, but where?

    That poor poor man, why are people so mean to him? Give him back the job he loves.

    1. creech

      “because he didn’t want to expose himself” Nuff said.

      1. Chipwooder

        He got home safely, didn’t he? I’d call that a successful day of police work.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    How often had he envisioned this moment? How much time had he spent studying other mass shootings, imaging himself on scene, wondering how he would react? He had gone to annual conferences about school shootings, taken a class on confronting active shooters and led annual lockdown trainings for teachers. He had started his career as a school resource officer years before the 1999 shooting at Columbine High School in Colorado, back when the idea of a school shooting seemed far-fetched, but now it was a possibility he carried in his mind as he walked around campus each day.

    There were always a few students the administration worried about, and three years earlier one had been caught with written plans for how to shoot up the school. Peterson had imagined what he would do if someone started firing in the crowded courtyard during lunch or at halftime of a football game. The ending he imagined was always the same: He identified the shooter. He engaged the shooter. He killed the shooter.

    “I’m the hero, dammit. It’s right here in the script.”

    1. WTF

      *barf*

    2. Suthenboy

      “wondering how he would react”

      Now he knows, as do we.

  33. Count Potato

    “YouTube stars ‘might encourage kids to eat more calories’

    Social media stars might be encouraging children to eat more unhealthy snacks, a new study suggests.

    It found children who saw popular vloggers consuming sugary and fatty snacks went on to eat 26% more calories than those who did not.

    The study, presented at the European Congress on Obesity, examined the responses of children to images from social media.

    The findings come amid calls for tougher rules on junk food advertising. ”

    http://www.bbc.com/news/health-44258509

    1. Count Potato

      “YouTube stars might be encouraging children to eat more calories, finds study

      The research looked at the influence of social media sensations such as Zoella and Alfie Deyes

      Social media stars might be encouraging children to eat more unhealthy foods, new research suggests.

      The study, conducted by the University of Liverpool, was devised amid growing calls for tougher restrictions on junk food advertising to tackle the obesity crisis.

      Now, the researchers are calling for more protection for young people online where the lines between adverts and content can become blurred.”

      https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/youtube-stars-encourage-children-eat-more-zoella-zoe-sung-alfie-deyes-study-university-of-liverpool-a8371461.html

      1. Charlie Suet

        Oh good. More politicised ‘science’.

    2. What is a “fatty snack”? Chitlins?

      1. WTF

        Snacks that fatties eat.

      2. Floridaman

        fatties that cannibals eat when it’s not meal time.

      3. pan fried wylie

        surprisingly for what looks like a bag of carbs, utz butter-flavor popcorn is about half fat.

    3. Suthenboy

      Bullshit.

  34. straffinrun

    ngWhy I underwent anal surgery – President of Actors Guild of Nigeria

    β€œFor crying out loud I have seven kids with my wife, if I can have sex with my wife and have children why would I be looking the other way.

    1. Raston Bot

      every country is much more tolerant than the US.

    2. Drake

      First of all, I had anal fistula…

      1. Psycho Effer

        Was that the Film Actors Guild of Nigeria?

  35. The Late P Brooks

    What is a β€œfatty snack”? Chitlins?

    Whale blubber.

    Fucking Esquimaux, making our children fat.

    1. Urthona

      Not celery.

      1. Sean

        Celery makes for an excellent delivery system for Trader Joe’s caramelized onion dip.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Lays Spicy Hot Pork Skins, mmm-mmm good.

    3. Rasilio

      it is called a Lardon and it is fine french cuisine damnit

  36. slumbrew

    Giacomo Casanova, β€œlibrarian and womanizer,” 1798

    Great, now I have an earworm</a.

    1. Urthona

      “Librarian and womanizer”?

      COMPLETELY REDUNDANT.

      AM I RIGHT, GENTS?

      1. slumbrew

        This guy gets it. It is known the library science dudes are all total swordsmen.

        1. SugarFree

          For the few straight ones, it is a sad, lonely, affection-starved and target-rich environment.

          1. slumbrew

            True, the available _quantity_ is comparatively high.

    2. slumbrew

      semi-SF’d the link? Still functional but: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2t_vNkJgelc

    3. I thought it read: ‘Libertarian and womanizer’ and thought that redundant.

  37. Juvenile Bluster

    SCOTUS RULES IN FAVOR OF THE BAKER IN MASTERPIECE CAKESHOP

    7-2 ruling as well. Ginsburg and Sotomayor the dissenters.

    1. Urthona

      Boom.

      Most Americans would agree.

    2. slumbrew

      An all-to-rare victory for sanity.

    3. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Hey, some good news for a change.

    4. straffinrun
      1. From first response:

        “Hope those bigoted cake bakers lose business”

        Yeah shithead, that’s how the market works. This was always the preferred outcome and required no intervention whatsoever from the State. Odd how the Supreme Court had to get involved before you understood that.

        1. slumbrew

          Exactly. I’m certain people have _already_ voted with their wallets, given the publicity. The law didn’t need to get involved.

        2. ChipsnSalsa

          As a last ditch effort, they will resort to capitalistic ideas.

        3. ruodberht

          Like Chick-fil-A had hours-long lines after the boycott on them got countered by a buycott?

          That would be worth it for the salty ham tears.

        4. WTF

          They really are terrified of free association.

          1. trshmnstr

            Yep, th prog mind is driven by three emotions: envy, insecurity, and victimhood. All policies are derived from one or more of those emotions.

      2. mexican sharpshooter

        Holy shit

        Lauren Wood-Viscardi‏ @LWoodViscardi Β· 1h1 hour ago

        ο†– More

        Replying to @Millennial_Dems

        There is more than one way to win this fight. Move your business elsewhere. #votewithyourdollars

        Somebody gets it!

    5. slumbrew

      Via the SCOTUSblog live chat: “ok question on the masterpiece decision …is that the final thing for that case or can they go back and start the case again ?”

      Do you even Supreme Court, bro?

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        I don’t know, they might get overruled by some judge from Hawaii.

    6. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Ginsburg is a damned disgrace. She doesn’t give a shit about the Constitution, just her desired outcomes.

      1. Raston Bot

        in her defense, someone in the final stages of mostly-dead typically suffer from far greater cognitive failure.

    7. Raston Bot

      7-2? surprisingly sane that outcome.

      1. straffinrun

        Narrow Outcome. Baseball and that would be a rout.

        1. straffinrun

          Should’ve waited for JB to clarify.

        2. Gilmore

          AP is running the same headline

          The defense of it is that “narrowly” refers to the content of the ruling. You can rule in favor of something and it can be a sweeping overturn which basically forces lower courts and various states to completely change the way certain jurisprudence functions. Or you can rule more-narrowly on the details of the specific case, which only puts new emphasis on areas of the law that are otherwise vague.

          Of course none of the headlines are using it clearly in that way; the headlines are purposely pretending that its an ‘odd’ outcome rather than an obvious one.

          Its another example of how media use language in purposely-confusing ways in order to satisfy a desired spin.

    8. slumbrew

      https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/17pdf/16-111_j4el.pdf

      “Roberts, Breyer, Alito, Kagan, and Gorsuch join Kennedy’s opinion; Kagan concurs, joined by Breyer; Gorsuch concurs, joined by Alito. Thomas concurs in part and in the judgment.”

      A quick scan looks like they ruled narrowly – the baker’s religious objections weren’t properly heard – vs. a freedom of association argument. But we knew that was asking too much. IANAL, so one of them book learnin’ types will correct me.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        His dilemma was understandable in 2012, which
        was before Colorado recognized the validity of gay marriages performed
        in the State and before this Court issued United States v.
        Windsor, 570 U. S. 744, or Obergefell. Given the State’s position at
        the time, there is some force to Phillips’ argument that he was not
        unreasonable in deeming his decision lawful. State law at the time
        also afforded storekeepers some latitude to decline to create specific
        messages they considered offensive.
        Indeed, while the instant enforcement
        proceedings were pending, the State Civil Rights Division
        concluded in at least three cases that a baker acted lawfully in declining
        to create cakes with decorations that demeaned gay persons or
        gay marriages. Phillips too was entitled to a neutral and respectful
        consideration of his claims in all the circumstances of the case.

        Correct me if I’m wrong, but the SC left a gaping hole there that the State can drive through later.

        1. Raston Bot

          yep.

          the state has decreed that “gay marriage is good” is an approved government perspective and bakers can’t refuse to print it. but they can still refuse to print “gay marriage is bad” because it’s icky.

          1. Raston Bot

            i expect the next suit by a newly aggrieved couple to be filed against a Christian baker in 3.. 2..

            and the baker will lose because the state agency will read what they did wrong and muzzle their loudest mouths.

          2. B.P.

            I thought the same thing as I read the opinion. On the other hand, some people just cannot constrain their need to display their righteousness to the public.

      2. Breet Pharara

        Well, looks like Thomas wrote his opinions based on freedom of speech and it’s more broad. (disclaimer: just a quick scan of the ruling.)

    9. Juvenile Bluster

      Actually reading the decision, this is really narrow.

      SCOTUS punted on this case. They more or less said that the state commission acted unlawfully here (mostly because when the corresponding cases came (where people asked to have anti-gay marriage cakes made), they accepted the bakers’ explanation that “I won’t refuse them service, but I just won’t make that particular cake”, but they didn’t accept that from the baker in question.

      They didn’t answer the question as to whether a baker indeed has to BAKE THAT CAKE.

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        So an activist could go into that same shop, demand the same thing, and get them all twisted up again?

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          In this particular case … maybe. Either the state civil rights commission would have to rule in their favor or they’d have to start ruling against the other bakers in the scenario I described.

          But overall the question isn’t answered.

        2. Drake

          Let’s mix i up this time and send the gays into a Muslim bakery just for shits.

          1. slumbrew

            That’d be different because shut up.

          2. ChipsnSalsa

            That’ll be different, because dead people can’t file lawsuits.

          3. Juvenile Bluster

            That’s actually the point of the ruling. SCOTUS basically said “we’re not going to make an overarching rule here, but it’s pretty clear that the state civil rights commission was motivated by religious animus and not the law”.

          4. Raston Bot

            Crowder did that video.

          5. commodious spittoon

            Well-heeled gays bringing suit against a Muslim baker = punching down, facts and intellectual consistency be damned.

            (Muslim jihadis throwing gays off buildings = NOT TRUE MUSLIMS, BIGOT.)

          6. Raston Bot

            if Charlie Hebdo taught us anything, it’s that they had it coming.

          7. BakedPenguin

            Steven Crowder was way ahead of you.

          8. BakedPenguin

            Oops. Missed RB’s reply.

      2. slumbrew

        Yep, this is not some full-throated defense of individual liberty, sadly. We take the crumbs we get, I suppose.

    10. Dang, 7-2!? That’s pretty authoritative.

      1. R C Dean

        Its actually pretty weak. Its not a freedom of association case, its a freedom of speech/religion case. So, it only applies if the requested product or service is overtly “expressive” in some way or the business owner can point to a reasonably well established religious objection.

        Plus, there is some serious waffling, as noted above. I’m trying to figure out what that “given the State’s position at the time” is supposed to mean, but I think it means that if the state has a clear and consistent rule forcing people to make gay or anti-gay cakes, then that’s OK.

        1. commodious spittoon

          All of this legalistic piffle to contort ourselves into forcing someone to bake confections, because the simple expedient of vote with your dollars, then is insufficiently punitive.

        2. Scruffy Nerfherder

          but I think it means that if the state has a clear and consistent rule forcing people to make gay or anti-gay cakes, then that’s OK.

          That’s how I read it. As long as the State is consistent and clear in application, they can mandate whatever they want.

          Not a win by any means other than some relief for the bakers in this particular incident.

          1. R C Dean

            Not even a win for them, I’d guess, the process being the punishment and all.

    11. Raston Bot

      Kagan makes a point I had not read before. Did they just want a plain wedding cake? I thought there was a compelled speech angle to this story ??

      * JUSTICE GORSUCH disagrees. In his view, the Jack cases and the
      Phillips case must be treated the same because the bakers in all those
      cases β€œwould not sell the requested cakes to anyone.” That description perfectly fits the Jack
      casesβ€”and explains why the bakers there did not engage in unlawful discri
      mination. But it is a surprising characterization of the Phillips case, given that Phillips routinely sells
      wedding cakes to opposite-sex couples. JUSTICE GORSUCH can make the
      claim only because he does not think a β€œwedding cake” is the relevant
      product. As JUSTICE GORSUCH sees it, the product that Phillips refused
      to sell hereβ€”and would refuse to sell to anyoneβ€”was a β€œcake celebrating same-sex marriage.”

      The cake requested was not a special β€œcake celebrating same-sex
      marriage.” It was simply a wedding cakeβ€”one that (like other stand-
      ard wedding cakes) is suitable for use at same-sex and opposite-sex
      weddings alike. And contrary to JUSTICE GORSUCH’S view, a wedding cake
      does not become something different whenever a vendor like Phillips
      invests its sale to particular customers with β€œreligious significance.”
      As this Court has long held, and reaffirms today, a vendor
      cannot escape a public accommodations law because his religion disap-
      proves selling a product to a group of customers, whether defined by
      sexual orientation, race, sex, or other protected trait. A vendor can choose the
      products he sells, but not the customers he servesβ€”no matter the
      reason. Phillips sells wedding cakes. As to that product, he unlawfully
      discriminates: He sells it to opposite-sex but not to same-sex couples.
      And on that basisβ€”which has nothing to do with Phillips’ religious
      beliefsβ€”Colorado could have distinguished Phillips from the bakers in
      the Jack cases, who did not engage in any prohibited discrimination.

      1. Raston Bot

        never mind, Thomas addresses the issue of compelled speech:

        While Phillips rightly prevails on his free-exercise claim, I write separately to address his free-speech claim. The Court does not address this claim because it has some
        uncertainties about the record. Specifically, the parties dispute whether Phillips refused to create a
        custom wedding cake for the individual respondents, or whether he refused to sell them any wedding cake (includΒ­ing a premade one). But the Colorado Court of Appeals resolved this factual dispute in Phillips’ favor. The court described his conduct as a refusal to β€œdesign and create a cake to celebrate [a] same-sex wedding.”

        1. Raston Bot

          highlight:

          Consider what Phillips actually said to the individual respondents in this case. After sitting down with them for a consultation, Phillips told the couple, β€œ
          β€˜I’ll make your birthday cakes, shower cakes, sell you cookies and brownΒ­
          ies, I just don’t make cakes for same sex weddings.’”

          It is hard to see how this statement stigmatizes gays
          and lesbians more than blocking them from marching in a
          city parade, dismissing them from the Boy Scouts, or
          subjecting them to signs that say β€œGod Hates Fags”—all of
          which this Court has deemed protected by the First
          Amendment.

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            That’s because there is an exchange of money involved. And we all know that when money is involved (and especially profit), government gets to enforce whatever it wants.

          2. ChipsnSalsa

            That money traveled over state lines at some point… Commerce Clause!

      2. R C Dean

        A vendor can choose the products he sells, but not the customers he serves

        Yup. Freedom of association is dead. Killed by a law titled the “Civil Rights Act”. Ponder that on the Tree of Irony.

        That’s whats bizarre about the 1A angle, though. It takes you down the rabbit hole of what “expressive” activity is. Would supplying a plain cake that the baker knew would be used to celebrate a gay wedding be an expression of support for the gay wedding? Why not? After all, people give stuff all the time to events and causes to express their support. Howsabout one with little statues of two dudes on top? Does it have to have words on it? Do the words have to celebrate gay weddings in some general sense, or only this gay wedding, to be expressive? Would “Happy Wedding, Steve and Bob” count as celebrating a gay wedding or gay weddings in general?

        1. Raston Bot

          Rand Paul pondered CRA on the Tree of Maddow.

        2. Raston Bot

          according to Ginsburg’s dissent, he also refused to sell cupcakes for a lesbian wedding.

          1. WTF

            Because two women, one cupcake?

          2. R C Dean

            *throws cupcake from morning meeting away*

    12. Endless Mike

      Goddammit Sotomayor, I was just starting to like you.

  38. Count Potato

    “Why I’ll Be Choosing My Next Therapist by Race

    I am a black gay woman in an interracial relationship. I have survived sexual assault. Knowing I wouldn’t want to explore this with a man, I looked for a female therapist and by chance ended up with a woman of color. Our shared experiences as marginalized people made me feel safe, understood, and validated. She understood how the subtle nuances of my oppression impact all aspects of my life, including my mental health. She understood racial income disparities (the Economic Policy Institute reported in 2017 that black women would have to work seven additional months to make as much as white men do in a year, for example), and she took that into account when suggesting coping mechanisms (holistic treatments, classes, and even medication can be expensive and out of reach). Her language was inclusive, empathetic, and intersectional, and it helped me immensely.

    A few years later, my partner and I moved to her hometown of Atlanta. Having to live in a state where the majority of the people voted for Donald Trumpβ€”who emboldens racists with his dog-whistle rhetoric and whose policies further marginalize people of colorβ€”heightened my anxiety. Georgia also doesn’t have legal protections for LGBTQ residents in the workplace, and β€œreligious freedom” legislation essentially creates loopholes for this kind discrimination. Simply existing in this place, at this time, was triggering, and I needed to resume therapy.

    I ended up in the office of a white woman, and at first this seemed fine. We talked through some recurring issues with my sexual assault. She offered helpful techniques for insomnia. She was warm and engaging.

    But our sessions took a weird turn when some of my anxiety about my income and struggle with friends and family intersected with racial oppression and microaggressions. I didn’t think she understood my anxiety surrounding the underrepresentation of people of color in journalism. She believed if I just applied myself more, I would have a successful career. I was dismissed when I insisted that there were systemic problems at play.

    And when I told her that I decided to distance myself from people who supported Trump, whether they were family or not, she seemed to wear her disappointment plainly. β€œYou actually cut people out of your life? Don’t you think that was rash?” she asked. β€œAren’t you putting politics over friendships?”

    My therapist doesn’t always have to agree with my choices (or even my characterization of Donald Trump and his supporters), but it is not negotiable that she believe in the validity of my experiences. When someone you’ve entrusted with your care dismisses your experience or even refuses to acknowledge the presence of racism, it only sharpens the pain of your trauma. When they empathize, it can open the door for healingβ€”before either of you speaks a word.”

    https://www.glamour.com/story/choosing-my-therapist-by-race

    1. Urthona

      Doesn’t this seem a wee bit racist?

    2. MikeS

      Simply existing in this place, at this time, was triggering, and I needed to resume therapy.

      Christ, what a asshole bitch fucking crazy person.

      1. Old Man With Candy

        Umm, that’s usually who goes to therapists.

        1. MikeS

          Point taken.

    3. ChipsnSalsa

      She believed if I just applied myself more, I would have a successful career.

      more of that “white” upbringing.

    4. Scruffy Nerfherder

      In other words “I don’t want to get over any of this, I just want to pay someone to be my personal audience and help me rationalize my outrage.”

      Twitter would be a less expensive option to get the same results.

      1. …shit. I think you just explained the point of social media to me.

        1. C. Anacreon

          You also explained what most people want from therapists. Not actual solutions or ways to improve your life, but a paid friend who will listen to you whine and agree it’s not you, it’s them.

          1. Rasilio

            Lol that is why I can’t ever see myself visiting a therapist. I honestly can’t see how it would be any different from whining and I try to avoid whining about shit even when I have pretty objectively valid thinks to gripe about. At the end of the day you can either fix the problem or you can’t, if you can, then goddamn fix it, if you can’t adjust your life to mitigate it’s impact. Just don’t see much need or room for a therapist in there. But then I am just a cis hetero white male who believes in archaic concepts like duty, honor, personal responsibility and self reliance so what do I know.

          2. kbolino

            At the end of the day you can either fix the problem or you can’t, if you can, then goddamn fix it, if you can’t adjust your life to mitigate it’s impact.

            This is basically what a good therapist instills, although generally with a bit more detail. The problem is that in so doing they essentially work themselves out of a job.

    5. “Donald Trumpβ€”who emboldens racists with his dog-whistle rhetoric and whose policies further marginalize people of color”

      Citation needed.

      ” Simply existing in this place, at this time, was triggering, and I needed to resume therapy”

      Back on the Savannah, you would have been selected out.

      “She believed if I just applied myself more, I would have a successful career”

      Probably the best advice you’ve ever received, but of course you’ll ignore it and replace it with victimhood narratives.

      “‘You actually cut people out of your life? Don’t you think that was rash?’ she asked. ‘Aren’t you putting politics over friendships?’”

      It’s shallow, brittle and pathetic, not rash. But she’s not putting politics over friendships, she’s putting her faux-religious cult over friendships; totally different animal.

      “but it is not negotiable that she believe in the validity of my experiences”

      Maybe it’s actually more therapeutic for someone to call you out on your horseshit.

      “When they empathize, it can open the door for healingβ€”before either of you speaks a word”

      AKA: “I’m not actually looking to get better, I just want another echo chamber into which I can wail about the imaginary injustices that have ruined my life BECUZ DRUMPF.”

      1. Warty

        faux-religious cult

        What’s faux about it? Serious question. Progressivism seems like a pretty real religion to me.

        1. commodious spittoon

          I can’t remember who wrote it now, but the comparison of the Parkland activists to Latin American child prophets selling blessings and speaking in tongues was pretty feckin’ apt.

        2. I guess the only difference I can think of is that Progressivism offers no chance of salvation. It doesn’t matter how much you give up, how much you suffer and how much you repent, you can never be redeemed. That, and it’s a worship of men rather than a deity or an abstraction, which strikes me as cult-like. Though I admit the line is blurry.

        3. kbolino

          Well, some of them have “real” religions they believe in, too. Then again, syncretism is hardly new.

      2. mexican sharpshooter

        Donald Trumpβ€”who emboldens racists with his dog-whistle rhetoric

        You hear the whistle? That makes you the dog.

    6. wdalasio

      My therapist doesn’t always have to agree with my choices (or even my characterization of Donald Trump and his supporters), but it is not negotiable that she believe in the validity of my experiences.

      An experience is neither valid nor invalid. It simply is. I suspect what this imbecile is trying to get at is the validity of her reaction to and interpretation of her experiences. And the simple fact of the matter is that her reaction to and interpretation of her experiences probably does have a problem. If her reaction and interpretation of her experiences were spot on, she wouldn’t have much need for a therapist.

      1. commodious spittoon

        Just like university is no longer an inducement to shed your parochial trappings and embrace the horizon-broadening power of education. Now its a service for reifying your biases. Therapy was once about coping with and overcoming mental infirmity; now it’s a service for reifying mental illness.

    7. I see wood chippers

      Why I’ll Be Choosing My Next Therapist by Race

      A vendorcustomer can choose the products he sellsbuys, but not the customersvendors he servesbuys from

      Turnabout is fair play.

  39. These ladies bend space-time.

    http://archive.is/8D4SL

    1, 5, 8, 9, 24, 27, 33, 38 (who happens to be at the University of Arizona campus), 45.

    1. slumbrew

      Still one of my favorite Pedey quotes:

      During his media availability session before Game 2 of the World Series, Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia was asked about the β€œvalidity” of allegations made against pitcher Jon Lester.

      β€œI don’t know what that word is, man,” Pedroia said. β€œArizona State education, bro.”

      The man is a treasure.

      1. slumbrew

        Though apparently I’m not much better, confusing ASU and the UA.

  40. The Late P Brooks

    We’re gonna need a bigger box of Depends

    Kansas Republican gubernatorial candidate Kris Kobach rode in a parade on a jeep mounted with a large replica of a gun, sparking backlash from people attending the event in Shawnee.
    The streets of the Kansas City-suburb were lined with families as he made his way through the parade, waving to the crowd from the vehicle painted with the colors of the American flag.
    “Had a blast in the Old Shawnee Days Parade in this souped up jeep with a replica gun. Those who want to restrict the right to keep and bear arms are deeply misguided,” Kobach tweeted.

    ———-

    Kobach, the state’s secretary of state, is facing several candidates, including Kansas Gov. Jeff Colyer, in the race for the Republican gubernatorial nomination.
    Following his appearance at the parade celebrating the city’s heritage, city officials and organizers apologized to residents.
    “Please know that the safety of our residents is always our highest priority and we apologize if this made anyone feel unsafe or unsettled,” they said in a statement. “We will be taking steps in the future to try to ensure something similar does not happen again.”
    They assured residents that Kobach’s float does not represent their views and values. His actions also prompted backlash from residents and gun violence prevention groups.
    “Kansas MomsDemand volunteers marched behind Kris Kobach today. Here’s who wasn’t having a blast: Gun violence survivors, children already afraid of gun violence in their schools, educators who teach students to hide in closets from these weapons,” Shannon Watts, a founder of Moms Demand Action, tweeted Saturday.

    He’s a terrorist, making all those people quiver and quake with fright.

    Something tells me there were at least a dozen cops with real guns loaded with real bullets milling around at the same time, but they represent violence and murder on behalf of the State, so people like Shannon Watts adore them.

    1. “Kansas MomsDemand volunteers marched behind Kris Kobach today”

      LOL. I love it.

      And I’m quite familiar with that town, I guarantee about 90% of the people attending that parade were, internally or out-loud, saying “Fuck yeah!” when they saw the Jeep.

  41. commodious spittoon

    Traffic update on the radio man: “There’s a naked man wandering in and out of traffic around [so and so intersection], so be on the lookout for him–*catches herself*–or don’t, just slow down around that area.”

    1. commodious spittoon

      on the radio just now

      1. Drake

        Stop commenting long enough to put your clothes on.

    2. commodious spittoon

      Interesting; the NYT has a spot advertising their truthy newspaper and website. First I’ve heard it, or any radio ad for print media, even the local rags. Deplorables outreach? NM went solidly red in 2016–but this station isn’t NPR.

      1. So, if you want to collect gametes from a sea urchin, you inject it with poison and it’ll ejaculate its genetic source code as a last ditch effort to be fruitful and multiply before giving up the ghost. If you understand that, you’ll understand the NYT’s actions perfectly.

        1. Bobarian LMD

          So, you’re saying the NYT ejaculated on Commodious?

  42. The Late P Brooks

    A 24-year-old Harvard student has decided to quit during her last year of law school for what she believes to be ethical reasons.Evelyn Matheson, 24, has decided to go public about her decision to boycott her final exams because she did not feel entitled to her estimated $300,000 Harvard law school education because of her white upbringing.

    Harvard should offer her an apology and cancel her debt. They could just hire her as a good will ambassador and recruiter, while they’re at it.

    1. You think you can buy enough indulgences to wash away that white original sin, but you never will. Better to just commit suicide right now so you’ll stop wasting precious oxygen on sustaining your worthless life.

    2. The Other Kevin

      I didn’t think there was anything worse than $300k in debt and a worthless degree. I stand corrected. $300k in debt and NO degree is worse. What. An. Idiot.

    3. R C Dean

      I will be very surprised if Harvard doesn’t find a way to slip her a degree somehow. From what I can tell, the Law School has gone totally woke. I’m sure they are furiously searching for a justification/loophole, which they will eventually find.

      1. Gustave Lytton

        Just go the U of Phoenix route, call it a demonstration of competence & life experience. No need to sit exams about stuffy historical white stuff. She’s out there already using her degree for social justice.

    4. Chipwooder

      Someone above said it was a hoax

  43. The Late P Brooks

    Via the SCOTUSblog live chat: β€œok question on the masterpiece decision …is that the final thing for that case or can they go back and start the case again ?”

    Do you even Supreme Court, bro?

    It won’t be over until they get the outcome they want.

    1. Grumbletarian

      Can’t it just be taken up by the Supremer Court?

      1. Rasilio

        That is Twitter right?

      2. Galactic Court – duh. Or the UN.

  44. The Late P Brooks

    Just think how bad it would be if they didn’t have sensible gun safety laws in place.

    Five months into the year, more than 1,000 people have been shot in Chicago and there have been more than 200 homicides, according to data kept by the Tribune.

    As of early Monday at least 1,070 people have been shot this year, below the last two years when violence hit record levels in the city but well above other recent years. There have been at least 202 homicides, the data shows.

    Chicago crossed the 1,000 mark after the long Memorial Day weekend, when seven people were killed and 32 were wounded by gunfire.

    This past weekend, 29 people were wounded and two people were killed in shootings across the city. Another three people were injured in accidental shootings.

    Those damn Indiana guns, constantly sneaking into Chicago and discharging themselves.

    1. The Other Kevin

      Our autonomous gun technology can’t be beat.

  45. Gilmore

    re: Durian

    The TSA wants to squeeze your Rambutan. In fact, they must.

    1. ChipsnSalsa

      I have fungus like that growing on my cedar tree.

      1. Bobarian LMD

        That’s how you euphemize.

  46. Rufus the Monocled

    SCOTUS voted in favor of the bakers 7-2.

    1. The Other Kevin

      Gary Johnson hardest hit.

      1. MikeS

        …and most often.

    2. MikeS

      Lemme guess the nays; The wise Latina and Skeletor?

      1. R C Dean

        Ding, ding. I was surprised Kagan didn’t line up on the woke side of the case.

    3. slumbrew

      It’s like you don’t even _read_ the comments.

  47. MikeS

    We need common sense dance club control

    FBI agent does a backflip in a Denver bar, drops his gun and accidentally shoots someone (with video of his bangin’ dance moves!)

    Then, he swung his arms back and squatted, as if to prepare for his next big move. He jumped up, arching his back and swinging his arms above his head. But as he was about to land his backflip, a gun flew out from his holster at the back of his pants. He landed and as he picked up his gun from the floor, it fired.

    1. The Other Kevin

      “It fired.” Even law enforcement uses our patented Autonomous Guns(tm).

    2. R C Dean

      I’ve lost track, but I think this is the sixth time, at least, that has been linked here.

      1. MikeS

        Damn. I should have known. But it’s not my fault! My tux hasn’t come back from the cleaners…an old friend came in from out of town…I had jury duty…my car broke down…

        1. Playa Manhattan

          How did you get to jury duty?

          1. R C Dean

            I was wondering how he reported for jury duty without his tux.

          2. Gustave Lytton

            Morning dress with monocle, of course. Good day, sir!

          3. MikeS

            The bus…a train…uber…a rickshaw

      2. Yusef drives a Kia

        7

    3. Drake

      In other words, he pulled the trigger and had negligent discharge.

      1. R C Dean

        Who among us has never had a negligent discharge?

        1. Playa Manhattan

          It’s why I deny my essence.

          1. Bobarian LMD

            All my discharges are negligent.

  48. Count Potato

    β€œIn effect, the researchers took one number – 15 deaths identified from a survey of 3,299 households – and extrapolated that to come up with 4,645 deaths across the island. That number came with a very large caveat, clearly identified in the report,”

    https://twitter.com/evansiegfried/status/1003274774456557568

  49. Count Potato

    “My Shop: TokyoToys in Glasgow draws a range of customers

    The world of Japanese manga comics is loud, colourful and bombastic.

    This spirit is reflected in TokyoToys, a shop that has just opened in Glasgow. The brainchild of Hideki Nguyen, it specialises in selling manga merchandise with a very exuberant staff.

    But the store also attracts people of a much less extrovert disposition, from the autistic community.”

    http://www.bbc.com/news/av/business-36560792/my-shop-tokyotoys-in-glasgow-draws-a-range-of-customers

    1. commodious spittoon

      Can’t watch at work; what sneaky political angle does the BBC try to inject? Are Brit journalists going ape-shit over incels, too?

      1. Count Potato

        Not as far as I can tell.

    2. Raston Bot

      Hideki Nguyen? what kind of jap/gook union is that?

  50. Count Potato

    “Teenager, Safaa Boular, found guilty of first all-female UK terror plot”

    https://news.sky.com/story/teen-found-guilty-of-first-all-female-uk-terror-plot-11394658

    1. Gustave Lytton

      Just another positive outcome from the UK’s mandatory gender pay gap reporting requirements.

    2. R C Dean

      I love that they news story has a security pic of them buying a set of kitchen knives (a chef’s knife, a paring knife, and an all-purpose knife) as, apparently, proof of their evil intent. Apparently, when planning a terror attack, its important to have the right knife for preparing any dish, or something.

    3. kbolino

      It is an impressive feat of journalistic integrity that neither of the words “muslim” or “islam” appear in that article.

    1. slumbrew

      Huh, Count Dankula is SugarFree.

      1. R C Dean

        Needz moar tentacles, dentata, orifices, and ooze.

    2. slumbrew

      NSFW audio, but this reply has quite the Alex Jones clip: https://twitter.com/jimboforpres/status/1003418085917974534

  51. Annoyed Nomad

    Has anyone posted about the Navy-Air Force Twitter fight as a result of a Tom Cruise post about the new “Top Gun” movie?
    https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/05/31/politics/top-gun-air-force-navy-twitter/index.html

    1. Gilmore

      “the Navy-Air Force Twitter fight”

      i bet they could settle their dispute with a shirtless+oiled-up volleyball match

    2. Annoyed Nomad

      BTW, I’m an AF veteran – served in the 80’s. I also played beach volleyball, but not the homo-erotic kind that seems to be prevelant in the Navy (NTTAWWT) – as portrayed in Top Gun.

    3. Rasilio

      The twitter fight aside I don’t see how a new Top Gun movie can really work given that all the focus now is on mid to long range missile battles and ground attack missions. There also isn’t a “Libyan” Air Force to beat up on in the climactic final scene.

      I mean, given the technical and geopolitical realities it would be most realistic to show Maverick fighting a losing battle against the impending deployment of unmanned fighters but then it would just be a remake of Stealth minus Jessica Beil

      1. Psycho Effer

        Why do you think reality would have anything to do with a Top Gun movie in this day and age.

        Plot: Maverick is the latest victim of #MeToo and is memory-holed in the first ten minutes of the movie. The rest of it is about the heroic resolve of his (non)victim helping other victims of Maverick’s overactive libido. Planes occasionally fly overhead for reasons that are assumed.

        1. slumbrew

          Top Gun is already appropriate for this day and age – it is a story about a man’s struggle with his own homosexuality.