Another lovely weekend. And if Sherlock Holmes were here, he’d look at me and say, “I perceive that you have been binge watching The Avengers with your wife. And that you sit on the right side of the couch.”

“That’s astonishing, Holmes, how do you come to that conclusion?”

“I noted that your left upper arm is covered in bruises. Each bruise is about the size of your wife’s right fist. So clearly she has been striking you repeatedly. What could cause this, especially from a woman not prone to violence? You are someone of the correct age to have been a young teenager in 1966-1968, your are relentlessly heterosexual, so you clearly would have had a masturbatory fixation on Emma Peel. I see an Amazon Fire attached to your television. The rest is straightforward deduction.”

Enough reminiscing, we need links. First the filler crap: today’s the anniversary of Calvin Coolidge (our greatest president) granting full and unconditional citizenship to all Indians (casino, not call center). And the marriage of Grover Cleveland (our second greatest president) in the White House. It’s also the birthday of Jerry Mathers, whose death in Vietnam caused dad to clobber him or something.

On again, off again, on again, off again. Anyone who has ever spent time in the Middle East recognizes this dance- you perform it any time you buy something at a shop. If you don’t walk out at least twice and let the shop owner chase after you and wheedle you back, you’re not doing your job. The delightful part for me is watching the whiplash as Progressives go nuts at each step of the dance. Perhaps they prefer bombing to dancing? The track record of their heroes certainly suggests that…

 

Job growth, record low unemployment. Sort of what was predicted after the tax rate cuts last year. But it’s bad news. Really bad news. It may not be obvious to you, but that’s because you’re not the deep and nuanced thinker that Nancy “Hold my head up to your ear and you can hear the arteries cracking” Pelosi is.

 

Today is International Sex Workers Day. Shit, I could end this right here and let you pervs do the rest. On a related theme, here’s a guy who is great at getting news outlets to promote his business, which promises to rid you of your addiction to alcohol, drugs, and porn. In other words, to remove all the joy from your life.

In the clinic today I meet James, a 32-year-old former office worker who has been coming here since December when his wife found his porn use on his laptop. “I was nipping to the toilets at work and masturbating,” he explains…

“When people use pornography over an extended period of time unchecked for six or seven hours a day, maybe with cocaine and alcohol as well, then the lines get blurred and the tolerance level develops.”

Wankers In the Mist.

 

Chicago machine politicians gotta do what they gotta do, and Team Blue is of course the party of the little guy, the workers, the downtrodden. Here’s the passage in the story that got me laughing hysterically:

Obama has kept a relative low profile since leaving the White House in January 2017

As the Cos would say in happier times, “Riiiiiiight.”

 

Every once in a while, The Onion is still funny.

 

This one is a stunner. I hope you’re sitting down because the shock of this will make you keel over. Ready? OK. Even in Progressive utopias, rich people and poor people live in different parts of town! Whew, I’m glad I warned you ahead of time, otherwise you might have hit your head when you fainted.

 

Speaking of Austin, my Old Guy Music this week is some folks I would see there regularly. I made the mistake of going out partying with them after a show once, and found out that at my age, this wasn’t a great idea. Kelly is an amazing guitarist, and that fellow on bass has had a pretty interesting career himself.