Swiss Servator

I believe it was Brett who warned mexican sharpshooter sometime back about his beer reviews, something to the effect of not letting the commenters goad you into joining them should they jump off a bridge. Well, ms did at least fall off a small pedestrian bridge at the commentariats urging…reviewing “Earthquake“.

Well, never learning from other’s mistakes…I saw a bit of banter in the comments of one of ms’ fine beer reviews:

Almost immediately my brain’s higher functions shut down and I started pestering ms “hey, lets do a bum beer challenge! I can do a couple and you can do a couple!” Now the good messican resisted at first, but I whinged enough to get him to relent.

I decided to open with a classic – Olde English 800. It got me to thinking…you know what else Olde and English we had at least 800 of around? Yeah….the common law. Not everything we brought over from England was worth casting aside, like tea over coffee or boiled beef. The common law was a keeper. In fact, when various States set up their Constitutions, they would often explicitly keep such. Virginia for example;

  “That the common law of England, and all statutes, or acts of parliament made in aid of the common law, prior to the fourth year, of James the first, which are of a general nature not local to that kingdom, together with the several acts of the colony then in force, so far as the same may consist with the several ordinances, declarations, and resolutions of the general convention, shall be considered as in full force, until the same shall be altered by the legislative power of the commonwealth.”

So, was Olde English 800 one of these Colonial legacies? Hardly. It is a product of the Miller Brewing Company and joined us in 1964. It has been a staple of bums, highschoolers and college kids looking for a cheap drunk ever since. It has a bit of an evil reputation – receiving less than flattering reviews from those that care to do such.

Up first…

 

A sniff was a bit alarming. It reminded me of the stale beer you would smell in leftover plastic cups from a college kegger…the next morning when you were trying to remember if you had 13 or 14 beers, and really didn’t want to smell the leftover Natty Light in cups strewn about the living room and front porch.

Taste – like corn syrup and despair, mixed and chilled. Then came the slightly to moderately unpleasant aftertaste. Some subsequent slugs of it didn’t help. I decided to pour the rest of the bottle out, in memory of departed comrades (but not the really cool ones, just the meh ones). RATING: 1 out of 5 dumpsters.

Next up, I had planned to do King Cobra Malt Liquor – Anheuser-Busch’s answer to Olde English 800. I am disappointed that I was unable to find it around anywhere. Oh, not because I expected it to be any less vile than OE 800….but I had teed up some funny:

Sorry, Commander. Maybe next time.

and some interesting:

Queen’s Cobras Regiment, Royal Thai Army

But the story of the Queen’s Cobras, serving in Vietnam, will have to wait for another time.

Instead, I drew forth the local Wal-Mart’s latest bum beer – Rockdale Light. Fortunately, it came in bum cans (24 oz) too (I suspected one can would be enough for this lifetime). Unlike OE, the Rockdale seems to have a bit more of a moderate set of opinions.

Yes, Rockdale LIGHT…I am watching my Glibfit calories.

Slipping the tallboy into its paper sack, I cracker ‘er open. Could it be that the craft beer revolution had come to bum beers? I tried a sniff and got…nothing. Huh. I mean, zero. Odd that…. OK, on to taste. Hmmmm. Similar. It was the Oakland of beers – No there, there. A little bit of an aftertaste of something resembling beer. 24 oz of 4ish % ABV….nothing. Not high enough alcohol content for a true bum beer, but by God, I can see cases of this being drained by thirsty undergrads, furtive highschoolers and others on a budget/not desiring taste, merely effect. I mean, $1.29 for a 24 oz can isn’t bank breaking. Dump a couple in a cheap plastic pitcher and here you go! Gets the job done, maybe a bit slower and you may end up a bit bloated by the sheer volume you would have to consume…but a success for the category. RATING: 3 out of 5 dumpsters.

Later today, in Part 2, mexican sharpshooter suffers because of my enthusiasm.