Previously on H3
Lots were surveyed and the corners of the homes carefully staked out, we learned (hopefully) that while the association which runs the development likes to tell people what and where to build, they don’t like having any responsibility for screw-ups, and thus CYA became their primary objective. With the stakeout ‘approved’ the next step is to submit the building plans and permit fee and wait for our building permit. The evolution of this process has followed a similar path as that of the stake out process only more so, more redundant regulations and requirements, more costs, and little if any benefit to the homeowners. And thus, to avoid sounding like a broken record allow me to back burner that and jump ahead to the next stage, where we will encounter perhaps the most game-changing innovation to hit the home building trade in my memory.
Foundations
A strong building starts with a good foundation and any foundation starts with someone pulling up to the job site in a dump truck with some type of excavating equipment in tow. In 1988 it was a hillbilly towing a rubber tired backhoe with a two-foot bucket, today it’s a citibilly hauling a track hoe with both a two and a four-foot bucket. In both cases we would meet the excavator and pull strings from those precious corner stakes, paint lines for the digger to dig on, set up batter boards, and determine a benchmark, usually a nail in a nearby tree, that we can use to determine the depth to dig the basement, footer trenches, and drainage lines. How we know that they’ve dug to that depth is where the game changer shows up.
As Mike S and NoDakMat have probably guessed it’s the Quad Laser. Well, it’s lasers anyway. In this case a self-leveling rotating horizontal laser. In 1988 we used a transit level which had to be manually set up and calibrated and checked and re-checked often. These are delicate instruments and they need to be carefully handled, bump one and your nice flat footer trench is now eight inches deeper at one end than the other. Also, they require a man to look through and read the story stick that another man is holding. Men make mistakes, the holder may hold the stick at an angle or the reader may get confused and decide the ditch is two inches high when it is actually two inches low. You get the picture. A self-leveling laser level not only self-levels, natch, but it requires no one to read, and in some cases (where the receiver can be attached to the boom of the excavator) needs no one to hold a stick, and most importantly it stays level and doesn’t get confused. The same laser level is used to set the footer forms and grade stakes after the digging is done. And again it turns a two or three person job into a one or two person job and while not eliminating human error it greatly reduces the potential for possibly costly mistakes. A 12″ thick footer cost more than an 8″ thick one, and if you think the crusty old bricklayer curses on a normal day, wait until you tell him that the footers are off grade and he needs to gain or lose an inch or two.
But wait there’s more, before the masons can start laying block and yelling profanity-laced tirades at their bricktenders, we need to reestablish the house corners. Remember those carefully surveyed corner stakes we were required to pay for? they’re long gone. So now the same guys who weren’t competent enough to pull strings and measure offsets are now going to pull strings and measure offsets with the added bonus of plumbing down into a big hole and some ditches. In 1988 this required someone on a ladder trying to hold a plumb bob line to a point on a string without moving either, another person down on the footer marking where the plumb bob centers out, or where it would center out if it ever stopped swaying. Go ahead, try and hold a plumb bob steady from the top of an 8′ ladder to more or less a point in space that’s an arm’s length away, add in a nice wind for extra fun. Repeat this step and with two corners now marked you can pull tapes and calculate diagonals or rely on the old 345 rule to set the other corners. Today we no longer rely on thousand-year-old tools, today we use, you guessed it, lasers. In this case, the 5-way laser, with this tool one man can set the corners easily with a precision a three-man team in the past would rarely achieve.
Between the lasers and improvements in excavating equipment what once took a week or more can now be done in a couple of days, with greater accuracy and fewer men on the job. Thanks go to the government for requiring us to adopt these new products and technology with their rules and regula….oh wait, that didn’t happen. Amazingly saving time, effort, and money was enough of an incentive. Imagine that.
Permit
Okay, back to bellyaching about paperwork. After the stake out, covered in part one, we submit a set of plans along with a check of course ($150 in ’88 near $2000 in ’18), In ’88 the plans were five pages of, well, plans… site, foundation and floor, elevations, a section, and a typical construction detail. They were mostly drawings with dimensions and some labels here and there, they were clear, easy to read, and any home builder would be able to construct a house from them. They were drawn up by a home designer my dad knew. I forget all the details but he was studying to be an architect or engineer when life caught him unawares and he had to quit school and punch the clock. He drew house plans for extra money, drew them by hand, some of our clients would ask for the originals or a crisp print of them and have them framed.
The set of plans we recently submitted are eight pages. the basic plans are still there, hidden under blocks of texts and boilerplate details – schedules for light, ventilation, finishes, doors, and windows, diagrams for electrical, plumbing and HVAC, design load specifications for joist, trusses, and rafters. I draw them with a CAD program, they are jumbled and crowded, nobody will frame a copy of them. Like the stake out survey it’s all CYA on the associations part, no one reads all that fine print, but they have a checklist if it’s on the checklist it better be on the plans. None of this adds value to the home, it only wastes my time and a lot of paper and ink.
We are required to keep the official stamped set on the jobsite but no one uses it. I make separate sets for the framers, stripped of all the filler so that they are readable. The electrician and plumber don’t need me to tell them what size wire and pipe to use or where to route it. You don’t need to tell a short order cook to fry the egg in ½tsp of butter for 2.6 minutes a side on a 253° griddle, and you don’t need to tell a carpenter to put studs 16 inches on center and what the rough opening for a 3/0 int door is. 98% of residential construction follows tried and true industry standards, in those rare times it doesn’t I make sure to discuss it on site with the tradesmen.
Lastly, we have a meeting with the homeowner and a representative from the HOA. In ’88 it took, maybe five minutes, the rep would give the property owner a copy of the rule book and welcome them to the community and hand Dad the magic red laminated paper that allows us to start building. Lawyers must have gotten involved because in ’18 it’s an hour-long slog, the rep goes point by point over various and sundry rules and the owner and builder have to initial each page, the welcome to the community now seems more like a warning not to make any trouble. Luckily my dad takes care of that stuff he’s been through 60 of them and even when we are building a spec house when there is no homeowner and it’s just him, he still has to jump through the same hoops every time.
That’s it for Part 2, next time we’ll get into some proper building, making sawdust and swinging hammers, we’ll have our first inspections and maybe just maybe, we’ll learn a little bit about ourselves along the way.
3 This is not a footnote, it’s an exponent as in H ‘cubed.’ There will be no footnotes in this article.
Is it built yet? Is it built yet?
Loving this series Hyperbole!
Oh, you left out a bunch of stuff. First of all, you’re going to have to grease the local politicians for the sudden zoning problems that always come up. Then there’s the kickbacks to the carpenters, and if you plan on using any cement in this building I’m sure the Teamsters would like to have a little chat with ya, and that’ll cost ya. Oh and don’t forget a little something for the building inspectors. Then there’s long term costs, such as waste disposal. I don’t know if you’re familiar with who runs that business but I assure you, it’s not the Boy Scouts.
Maybe bribes, kickbacks and Mafia payoffs are how YOU do business! But they are NOT part of the legitimate business world!
Listen, Sherlock. While you were tucked away up here working on your ethics, I was out there busting my hump in the REAL world. And the reason guys like you got a place to teach is ’cause guys like me donate buildings.
I always loved the way Dr. Barbay pronounces Mafia – “Mafffia”
Paxton Whitehead is awesome
He drove a nice MG TC in the movie as well. My neighbor has the same one in green. Sweet cars.
Which had dirt thrown all over it by Rodney’s groundbreaking ceremony.
“I dedicate this building to…..myself!”
All the stories about Trump’s sleazy business practices elide the sort of world that is New York real estate, as if everyone but he had clean hands. He shortchanged union-dominated companies? Oh, woe, cry me a river.
Oh! Oh! Ooooooooooo!!!!!
Having transferred out of trucking into new building construction, I am really ‘digging’ this series, Mr Hyperbole. Keep it up! I literally belly laughed out loud on my lunch break here at site reading this –
Between the lasers and improvements in excavating equipment what once took a week or more can now be done in a couple of days, with greater accuracy and fewer men on the job. Thanks go to the government for requiring us to adopt these new products and technology with their rules and regula….oh wait, that didn’t happen. Amazingly saving time, effort, and money was enough of an incentive. Imagine that.
Why permits are unnecessary 100% of the time. For that 2% of the time, I get a structural engineer (or other appropriate SME) to look at it. It’s protecting my investment. As the homeowner, I’ve got a lot more skin in the game than my friendly neighbourood
Spidermancity bureaucrat.People with skin in the game make up less than a third of “homeowners” nowadays. 0% down and cash-out refi’s means you’re just a renter and any problems belong to whoever rented to you.
Right, so I guess in that case the bank would be the “homeowner”, and they’re the ones who would want to protect their asset. I suppose that insurance companies would also want to protect the asset. Either way, the government doesn’t have skin in the game, so their requirement for permits for everything is about revenue and FYTW.
These are great. I’m fascinated by the building process. And things like laser levels seem like deceptively simple technology that provides enormous benefits.
I am having a house built. Currently we are at “There’s a big hole in the ground” stage.
Apparently I am not allowed onsite without a builder’s rep with me, which might spoil my plan of semi-regularly dropping off BBQ and beer to the trades.
If you let that slip, I’m sure there will magically be a rep available to… facilitate delivery.
“I am not allowed onsite ”
Whut? Like hell. Who’s paying for this? Whose property is this on? You better get onsite and start counting the rebar.
Until I finish paying it off, it’s the banks.
Even after you finish paying it off, it’s the government’s.
Motherfucking 35% of my monthly “mortgage” payment is actually escrowed taxes.
Fucking Vampire State.
Motherfucking 35% of my monthly “mortgage” payment is actually escrowed taxes.
Fucking Vampire State.
You can say that again.
The squirrels like me because I kept all the trees on the lot.
So the state takes 70%, then?
No, Only 57.75% It’s 35% of the remaining 65%
They let you keep 30% shitlord! Be grateful to your betters.
Maybe or just too many amateur homebuilders showing up, demanding non-contractrual changes, questioning little shit, interfering, generally driving up costs, and then throwing a temper tantrum when they get the revised bill.
Those three little words that make my blood run cold…
“owner change request”
We love change orders. An excuse to bill again with 20% overhead.
Things I have caught….
Putting 2×6’s instead of 2×12’s.
Putting in half of the rebar required and then walking on it mashing that to the ground.
Putting in PVC instead of copper
Putting insulation with half of the rating from what I paid for.
Give me a minute I am sure I can think of more shit like that.
Did you check out the builders’ reputation before hiring them? While not of heard, guys who pull those kinds of stunts don’t usually last long in any one place.
‘not of heard’? Dammit, “not unheard of”, shouldn’t have had that three Strohs lunch.
That is 3 too many.
“Fuck you, try to kick me off my land. See what happens.”
The guys with rebar and hammers collecting a paycheck from the builder “escort” me offsite?
After the beer and brats bribe!? Ungrateful bastards.
We were the general contractor. I was on site every fucking day.
I understand this – I don’t think it’s a “not allowed” situation, but the builder doesn’t want the trades:
1. Up-selling you on things that aren’t in your budget
2. Executing change orders (same price or not) between the trade and the owner without the GC being in the loop
3. Employees who don’t know what they are talking about offering ignorant opinions that stresses out the owner
4. Someone is there with you to answer questions immediately, keeping everyone’s stress levels low.
If I were doing it, I wouldn’t word it as “not allowed” in the contract, but sometimes it pays to just be honest and let the homeowner know that if you are going to pay a GC, you might as well get your money’s worth and let him/her do the work.
Lasers kill jobs. They’re a threat to the economy.
And if you aren’t really careful, they could kill Jonny Quest!
Good read: as someone who is planning to build an addition to the house, I’m interested. I’ll probably be using the “family” builder who has done most of the new builds and additions for my old man, along with some minor stuff at my house. Mrs. Humungus wants to use a local guy but I know the “family” builder, who lives fifty miles away, will a) offer me a low price b) listen to me c) do good work. His biggest negative? He does things on his schedule.
Sounds like my uncle-in-law, he’s a general contractor, but a plumber by trade. He built us a beautiful master bathroom for a song and was basically like, “Gimme $1000 so I can pay my guys and then just get the rest to me when you can.” Downside was if we wanted it done it happened on his time and his terms, and since he was saving money by getting materials on sale we had a limited range of choices in terms of tile, etc. So, really, minimal downside. We’re going to try to get him to do all the work on our place.
When I was a kid, my grandparents lived in a house built in 1763. It had a stone foundation and beams cut from the Black Walnut trees on the lot. Now I’m wondering how it didn’t collapse in on itself.
Because Black Walnut is awesome?
I do love a splash of black walnut bitters in my Pendleton…
Wow! Now that’s how you craft a euphemism!
Stick around
It’s true what they say, once you go black walnut…
It is. Those beams across the ceiling were over a foot wide.
You are killing me Drake. Killing me. Is the house still standing? If not, were the beams salvaged?
No and fucking no unfortunately. When my grandparents got too old to live there, they sold the place. The Post Office bought it. The local historical society tried to move the house, but that was inconvenient to the government, so they bulldozed it one afternoon.
I havent cried since….uh…I cant remember the last time. When I was in grade school?
I have tears on my face now.
Meanwhile, the feds spend thousands & thousands of dollars every year to maintain an unremarkable house in Georgia which they will eventually acquire to spend even more money on, along with a collection of other buildings associated with history’s greatest monster.
“history’s greatest monster”
Carter? I always thought of him as a pitiable sort of Sad Sack type character.
Well, he did get his ass kicked by a bunny rabbit.
https://youtu.be/czfKPaypNsU
Obligatory (for Suthen): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcxKIJTb3Hg
NOTHING.
LEFT.
TO.
CUT.
If it is any comfort I just planted a 40 half in black walnuts and the other half mixed pine, oak, poplar. The walnut wont be ready for 100 years, but hey, if no one plants it there wont be any left pretty soon.
*reaches for chainsaw*
*remember’s Suthen’s firearms collection*
*leaves saw and quietly sneaks away*
I planted all of the walnut well off of the road so it cant be seen. Otherwise I am sure in 30 years or so it would all disappear.
Years ago, my uncle made a pretty penny by selling his walnut tree. He randomly got a knock on the door one day, and his visitor was a guy who roams around the country looking for walnut trees to buy. He was a vendor to several luxury automakers like Rolls-Royce and Jaguar and would sell them the wood he harvested. He made a nice living at it and the manufacturers got a better price from him than they could from other sources because he was pretty much a one-man operation.
The house I grew up in had a couple in the back yard – They got stolen, along with a 55 year old maple. It was after an ice storm and there were people who just went around cutting down and carting off trees, even undamaged ones. No one challenged them because it looked like perfectly normal post-storm remediation.
I’m still pissed.
Everyone should plant at least one Black walnut once in their life. Aside from commercial planting I have planted hundreds of walnuts, pecans, hickory, black cherry, yellow poplar, magnolia, cedar, various fruit… just because. Have I mentioned that I love trees?
You know who else liked to plant trees?
He is scary.
*grabs popcorn and sets up a chair to watch the UCS v attack gator death match
I thought walnut just never reached that level of maturity anymore because of pests.
My parents have a complete kitchen made out of the stuff. It was wide plank salvaged out of an old barn. Probably at least 100 years old.
Cutting that must have been fun. I wonder how many blades the cabinetmaker went through.
They still can. I personally know where a black walnut tree is that is a little over 7 feet in diameter at the base. Sadly a storm broke the top half of the tree out years ago but the tree did survive and still produces lots of nuts. The problem with a lot of hardwood trees is that it is rare for one to get past 60 yo without sustaining some kind of damage that causes the trunk to rot and get hollow. If it is near water it almost a certainty that beavers will be the cause of that, especially for beeches.
My mom’s place has 3 or 4 walnut trees, one of which is nearly that big. It also has a big U-shaped gap where a tornado passed over it a few years ago. I don’t know how old it is, but it was already big when I was a little kid 50 years ago.
My current yard has several pig-nut hickory and a big red hickory.
This week I have to have 5 trees removed (plum trees all got black knot fungus). I’m planting a disease-resistant elm tree. We’ll see how that goes.
That is horrible
It was 30 years ago, I’ve recovered.
Great series, Hyp!
…next time we’ll get into some proper building, making sawdust and swinging hammers…
Wood!
*narrows gaze*
*narrows gaze*
. . . to laser-like coherence!
You could’ve added some of the unique profanities used on the build site. I find swearing charming.
Have you done a five minute lesson on profanity yet?
Give your audience what they what, eh? I really don’t want to do that, but I suppose I should do something along those lines.
Look it’s Japanese – they don’t have profanity. Just use the wrong level of plain old Japanese at the wrong time and add the pronoun for “you”.
The wonderful thing with Japanese is that it must have 40+ different 1st, 2nd and 3rd person pronouns which you must go to great pains to only use as a last resort…
It’s mostly standard swearing, perhaps a little heavy on the ‘cocksucker’ and ‘motherfucking’, and a cunt hair is a common unit of measurement. There was one old guy who liked the phrase ‘Cod-knobber’ but that was probably just his polite way of saying cocksucker.
Huh. Where I come from, “cunt hair” would probably be the equivalent to “monkey’s nuts.”
cunt hair is a common unit of measurement.
I worked with a printer in the old days that had a scale of measurements: blonde cunt hair; red cunt hair; black cunt hair.
He would critique my work with “you’re off by an RCH”.
Oh, fuck off.
o/t – police have arrested a suspect in the Golden State Killer/Original Night Stalker/East Area Rapist case (Christ, that guy had too many nicknames). Crazy since the last of his known crimes was over 30 years ago.
No. Shit. That is some good news. I was just reading about that creepy fuck and the shit he did a couple of months ago. I was convinced that the guy had probably died or gone to prison for something unrelated. I didn’t hold out much hope he would ever be caught or the cases resolved. I bet this is bitter sweet news for some family members of the victims.
Most people assumed that, because it’s unusual for a serial killer to just stop. Reading the sub, apparently breaks in his killings coincide with the births of his children.
It’s amazing how pieces fall into place now. One of the oddities of the case was the way police dogs wouldn’t track him. Another was that surviving victims would report that he had a very strong, unpleasant odor to him that they couldn’t identify. Now we know what it was – the guy was fired from the Auburn police department for shoplifting dog repellent (which I didn’t even know existed), which apparently works by having such a foul smell that dogs won’t go near it.
From victim descriptions:
‘Penis size frequently described as “small” or “smaller than average”‘
Now we know why he did it.
Note on surveying lasers:
It’s a real bitch when one of the laborers hits the grade slope button and doesn’t tell anyone.
Construction.
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/f5/ff/da/f5ffdaaf5604bc71d1114b8b91716038.jpg
Build something.
https://jessicacabot.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/sexy-construction-worker.jpg
Well, something was certainly bolted on there.
That is some good wood.
Hillary campaign laundered 84 million?
Small timers, no? And of course we all know the next thing that happens here is ‘and nothing else happened’.
Sometimes I wonder if the reason Democrats are so frantically trying to get rid of Trump is that it needs to happen before a whole can of unsavory shit gets opened up on the Dems. If we even knew about half the shit that happened over Obama’s 2 terms.
They are convinced they are going to sweep the mid-terms. Shit like this keeps coming out and they keep telling themselves all is well. They have gotten away with it for so long they think it doesnt matter.
Until and unless the voters actually prove them wrong, I can’t say it does – from a practical standpoint.
From a principle standpoint, we need a lot of pitchforks and pyres, but I don’t see justice being doled out anytime soon.
The left have been brazenly over confident for as long as I can remember. At least since 2008 when Obama’s victory was going to usher in a 1000 year reign for Democrats. Well, it lasted until the 2010 mid-terms, so about a year and a half. But they still behave as if their 1000 year reign is still happening. Even when they lose, like in the AZ special election, they declare victory. The only time I have seen them take pause from that was after Trump won and that lasted about a week. Even if they lose house seats this fall, they will declare victory and claim that American wants what they’re selling.
Am I the only one who remembers the left predicting that the Democrats were going to pick up 100 seats in the house in 2010? It didn’t quite happen that way.
Team Blue voters don’t give a shit.
For what it’s worth, I believe that the next time a Democrat wins the presidency, the left will call for that person to pull a Xi Jinping. And I’m dead serious.
They will evoke Trump, and W if necessary, and say “we need to do it to protect teh country!!!11!!1”
This. They’ll call for an emperor to save our Democracy from another Trump.
NO NO! Emperor is too old fashioned, they will call for someone with a simple functional name, like just call them The Leader, and for a symbol, maybe something classy from a ‘woke’ culture like the Hindu symbol for Well Being.
How about ‘Dear Leader’ or ‘Comrade Numero Uno’? We have to end Democracy to save Democracy. Makes total sense.
*Starts to explain his joke, realizes that is a mistake and goes off to pout
They have 3 main constituencies:
1. The hyper ‘educated’ academic and professional crowd
These shill, raise money, start astroturf movements, and vote, but they are a small percentage of the electorate
2. The welfare plantation
A big part of this group has to be bussed to the polls, and literally any obstacle drastically reduces their turnout. Rain, forget it. Voter ID, insurmountable.
3. Blue Collar Democrats
They have spent 20 years openly attacking everything this group believes in and were shocked when they hopped on the Trump wagon.
There is a reason they Dems want massive low skill/low assimilation immigration. The “Blue Wave” is motivation for category 1, but the way it actually happens is if Team Stupid keeps doing everything it can to piss off Category 3 and switch some of them back into the Dems arms.
They’ve already started saying that they don’t even want or need white working class voters. They’re even starting to talk about reparations for people who were never slaves, paid for by people who have never owned a slave. I had one prog to even tell me that the 30% of white people in this country can no longer even sway the vote much. I informed them that number is actually 70%, that they have their numbers backwards. This did not phase the person at all, who just kept asserting that white voters don’t matter, Democrats don’t need them to win. Well, ok then, just run with that.
white voters don’t matter, Democrats don’t need them to win
Well, you are in Baltimore. That could explain the confusion.
Well, that is certainly true in Baltimore City. Democrats have not even had a challenge here in the last 50 years.
Here’s the results of that:
Genius Democrats to tackle crime in city
Well I’m shocked to hear that the Democrats aren’t eager to pursue violations of campaign finance law. Shocked I say.
What kills me about that story is you’re not hearing a peep from CNN or MSNBC about it, which means the people who really need to hear about this are going to hear from Chris Hayes that Fox News is running a partisan hitpiece about Hillary Clinton that has to do with some nitpicky technical campaign finance accounting mistake and won’t let it go because they’ve always had it in for her, and did you hear the latest about how the FBI nearly has video of Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin throwing cash at hookers peeing on a family portrait of the Obamas?
To continue about the tree conversation…you may note in my last comment about the species I plant there is a notable lack of cypress. I did plant cypress once. I bought 1000 seedlings from the nursery in Columbia, La and my father and I spent an entire day going along each side of Brushy bayou with dibbles. At the end of the day we were exhausted. We made the slog back to the truck along the same route where we had planted.
Every. Goddammned. One. was gone. They had been pulled up and eaten. Just the roots were thrown on the ground. The little bastards must have been following us and eating them as fast as we planted. I declared war on beavers. I also didn’t waste my time planting cypress again. I did not win the war. You can thin them out but you cant ever get rid of all of them. Even one beaver causes huge amounts of damage.
Beavers turned the backyard of the house I grew up in into a little swamp when one dammed up the creek behind our house. My parents had to pay a trapper to kill the damned thing, and we tore the dam apart…..and another of the little bastards moved in and built another one.
Scorched Earth – clear every pice of plantlife in the area, divert the creek into a concrete channel and regularly incinerate anything that dare cross into the kill zone.
They will not flood your backyard again. You can enjoy the charred cinders in peace and suitable dryness.
“Even one beaver causes huge amounts of damage.”
Sounds like the incel guys from morning lynx.
Sexist
There’s a guy in my neighborhood that barbecues them. Say it’s good. I haven’t tried it yet.
These euphemisms.
My pasture drains through a 4 foot culvert that goes under my road. The beavers like to dam that culvert. When they do, my pasture floods.
The county should take of the dams, but they rarely do. I have dug out dams there at least once a year since I bought this place.
After digging out a dam, the water will start moving and the beavers will always come back that evening to rebuild, usually around midnight or so. I will go sit near the culvert with a spotlight and a 12 guage. The last time I did this, I killed seven beavers in one night.
Suthen is right though. You can slow them down, but you can’t stop them. In seven years I have killed dozens of beavers, but they keep coming back.
Have you thought about giving up steel and going into the fur trade?
Funny.
You can make a little money off beavers here. The county road dept actually pays a 5 dollar bounty on any beaver tails you bring them.
The county road workers here pay $5 for beaver or tail as well… I see their trucks parked behind buildings making these transactions daily.
I’ve thought about getting into beaver. Do you have any tips for me?
First off, don’t follow the advice of incels.
Second don’t use the term incel as it is tarded and it talks like a fag.
Shotgun, spotlight, and usually beer seems to work, no matter what kind of tail you’re after.
That’s words to live by, right there.
+100000”
Artisanal merkins made of genuine beaver fur?
You might be onto something there UCS!
My mind didn’t go there – I was thinking tophats.
A friend of mine got tired of digging out the dams so he started blasting them out. Tip for people with beaver problems – the sound of running water is what compels them to build a dam. Some biologist experimented with recordings of running water and the beavers continued building until the dam was 20 feet high.
We had a bad windstorm come through our 10 acre farmstead last spring. We lost about 130 trees, including 5 giant cottonwoods and two huge pines that all had to be 70+ years old. The Pines were over 60′ and the largest cottonwoods were 80′ easy. For weeks I’d get a lump in my throat as a drove towards the yard because it’s profile on the skyline was so radically altered. I still do occasionally.
Needless to say, we are going into high-gear with tree planting. Unfortunately, we don’t get to have quite as much fun with varieties as you because of our winters. But we are planting an orchard with a large mix of fruit trees. We are borderline for black walnut, but I’m going to take a good look at trying to get one going.
That sucks. Back in April of 2011, a F4 tornado ripped through my grandfather’s place. His 80 acres was at 60/40 pasture to forest. Now it’s 90/10. That tornado took out thousands of pines, oaks, hickory, and cedar.
Jeezus. That sucks worse. That’s gotta be real sad for him. I can only imagine devastation like that.
Not to sound smug, but I am glad that I can only imagine devastation like that.
https://imgur.com/E982AhX
I took that picture from my grandpas back porch the morning after the tornado.
20 years ago we had a tornado cut right through a 200 acre stand of timber. It just cut through it like a knife east to west about 50 yards wide. Broke my damned heart. The biggest black cherry I have ever seen was shattered.
*fun fact – If you have tornado damage sawmills wont touch it. The twisting a tornado causes damages the wood in ways you cant see. When you try to saw it into lumber it disintegrates into toothpicks.
Pulp wood.
Yes. That pays a lot less than saw logs.
They chip it on site now and haul out chips.
Logging technology has really advanced in a very short time. Hell, 20 years ago they were still crews with chainsaws. It is a hell of a lot safer now and my god can they cut some timber in no time flat.
My dad has a sawmill amd we sawed a lot of the trees that were knocked down in the storm.
They were okay to saw because most of them had been uprooted, and not twisted. The tornado came through at the end of a but a week of storms. The ground was soft and extremely wet, making it easier for the trees to be uprooted.
When thou blockest the pipelines, thou orders The Big Rigs.
http://business.financialpost.com/commodities/energy/rpt-insight-facing-shipping-constraints-canada-moving-oil-one-truckload-at-a-time
How much extra carbon is going into the atmosphere now, dummies?
Can’t heap big chief Zoolander ban trucks? Or is he really some sort of denier and enemy of Gaia?
Anyway, it’s not about carbon, the dummies want some attention. Trust me when I say that when their iThingies no longer work because the electric if off, they’ll be the loudest and first to scream about it.
Thankfully, we can’t hear them when the electricity is off.
+1 return to noble savagery.
I’m putting a new roof on my house, whenever I get a few days off work where it isn’t raining or the wind is blowing 30mph.
Simple process out here in the sticks.
Measure roof.
Order metal and wood.
Pick up metal and wood.
Install new roof.
It’s nice living in a place with no building oversight.
I put a metal roof on my house because shingles kept blowing off. Looks nice.
I bought a darkish brown metal. When I finally get it on, it’s going to look nice.
I think metal is the way to go. done rights, there no reason I shouldn’t get 50 years out of this roof. That and it’s only going to cost me about 1000 more than the shingles would have.
We considered metal when we built. It wasn’t quite as common 13 years ago.
We were 48 when we built. We put on 30 year shingles. We’ll put a second layer on some time during retirement. Whoever inherits the house can put metal on later when they are young enough to get the full benefit. 😉
That’s actually where we are at. My house is about 40 years old and already has 2 layers of shingles.
I’m the guy putting on the metal who is young enough to get the full benefit.
Metal is a good deal.
Our house was already running a bit over budget. I couldn’t justify the extra expense to put a 100-year roof on it at that time.
I’ve installed a couple of metal roofs. They are way easier to install so I imagine that over and above the material price, you are also saving on labour.
Mines green.
‘Mine’s’ I didn’t mine anything green, like Emeralds. That would be awesome though.
I’d expect it would turn out more like Percy’s ‘Green’ from Blackadder.
If we were gonna stay here for more than another three years or so I’d get a metal roof. I like the look and I especially like the lifespan.
https://imgur.com/4ZLb9nE
Some of the metal. I have another bundle in the front yard. And yes, I have today off. and yes, it’s raining.
We put a metal roof on my house two summers ago. It has helped reflect sunlight in the summer so well that the house remains much cooler than when it had shingles.
That’s good to know. I was afraid the darker metal would absorb more heat and actually make cooling the house more difficult.
You can tell Gordilocks’ house easily – it’s the one with the mirror roof.
The cocaine blows off during windy days.
What color, Gord?
It’s a lighter colour, kinda light grey.
Realize something’s not quite right about roof.
Re-measure roof.
Swear loudly.
Prder new materials.
Pick up new materials.
Reinstall roof with new materials.
Re-re-measure roof.
Swear again.
Salvage some of the materials ripped off previously.
Patch roof…
Something about measure twice cut once seems appropriate here.
Fuck. I’ve cut it twice and its still too short.
^ This. I’m going to (hopefully) put up a pole barn this summer and getting a permit of any kind is not on my to-do list.
Building permits are the “insult” to property tax’s “injury.”
What are you using to build it. My FIL has a crony that works for the electric company. He got us some used telephone poles a few years ago. We used those and reclaimed chicken house trusses to build a 60×100 hay barn for my dad a few years ago. No permit for that job either.
I’m actually hiring a company that sells/erects them. They do nice work and build them nice and solid. I know I could do it myself, but they’ll do it better and far faster then I could hope to.
I helped my step dad build his 60′ x 150′ pole shed using salvaged utility poles. The plans were drawn on a napkin.
We also put a corrugated steel roof on it…during a snow fall…during a Minnesota winter. During installation of the last piece, I had no rafters to brace myself. I had to dig the toe of my boot against the rubber washered nails. I swung the hammer and lost my footing. The snow made the steel especially slippery. My step dad caught my jacket as I slid past and guided me into the tractor bucket he was standing in. The ground was another 10-12 feet down. We quit for the day and didn’t say a word to mom.
Yikes. Glad you’re okay
I don’t think we ever even drew any plans for the hay barn we built. It’s really too simple of a structure.
We’ll probably do metal for the next roof. If we end up renovating the house before then, I’m going to take a hard look at slate as well.
*swiss stare*
It’s not his asphalt!
Don’t know what happened, it was supposed to say:
Don’t blame him, it’s not his asphalt!
The shorter version still worked.
Everyone in Brazil has those orange adobe tile things on their roof. But they don’t stay orange long, they typically look dark green or black from all the moss growing on them. I doubt shingles would last long there because of the humidity and frequent rain. Anyway, there’s a few houses around here that have those, they look really nice.
I have Spanish Tile for my Roof, it works fine in Socal or Spain, Jungles, not so much……
Spanish Tile is Adobe
Macadam him gravel for forgiveness, UCS.
My HOA is responsible for my roof and they are planning on doing our whole complex in the next year or two. I don’t have to do anything.
How much do you pay a month?
Not trying to be nosy, just curious on how the math works out.
I think it’s ~$100- $110 a month. I don’t see the bills, my girlfriend pays it.
That also covers trash/recycling pick up, landscaping/mowing, and they seal coat our driveways every couple years. They are a well run organization in my opinion. Fairly good value for the money.
There are *sometimes* assessments for excessive snow removal costs, but that depends on the year and how much snow we get.
I have this theory that there are still a lot of Hitler clones running around. But because of the lack of countries available for the taking, all of them have started a HOA in America.
Great series Hyperbole,
As a framing carpenter in my former life (’92 to ’99) it’s interesting to read about improvements in the equipment and additions in the BS required.
Any recommendations on a decent laser level?
My FIL is in the market right now. He has been using an old manual transit for decades. Recently, the reticle fell off and he’s looking at buying something more sophisticated.
Topcon RL-H5B is the best non-grading rotary laser on the market. I will only sell Topcon products anymore because they don’t cause me problems.
And it comes with a five year warranty,
I’m see it at about 650 on ebay woth the stand, pole, charger and case. That seem like a decent price?
Yes
Make sure it’s an actual dealer so there are no warranty issues. Not that I’ve ever had to process a claim.
will do. Thanks.
Sad Yusef, reads fun article and gets to go Change Filters all week, no Building for Bob
I thought the filters tended to be owner-servicable parts.
Is it common to make an expensive tech do that? Are there models that can only be changed by a tech?
Residential Should be Homeowner changed, But Commercial is usually Us, we also check Compressors, blower motors, pulleys, drains, so it’s not JUST Filters.
You put a nail in a tree? What kind of environment hater are you?!?
Good series. I’ve not built a house but I have done a lot of large remodel projects. Technology has had a profound impact on quality and cost.
Unsurprisingly, the Alfie Evans appeal has been denied. I had a delightful time reading the earnest pronouncements on Twitter that lectured us dumb yokel ‘Murricans that of course it was denied because enlighted Great Britain only cares about Alfie’s right to be starved to death. They don’t want to do it, y’see, they felt they owed it to him.
Sick motherfuckin’ society.
Oh, and the local cops are, as always, on the ball in keeping the most important thing in mind – snooping for people to prosecute for online comments:
What’s happened? No Islamaphobes or people making their dog up like Hitler to harass and prosecute today? Britain is fucking done.
Only two people flipped the bird at a camera, so it’s been a slow week.
If it wasn’t so sad, it would be funny.
Have they replaced photos of QEII with Oswald Mosley yet? Chief Bootlicker Gibson sounds like he would fit right in with the BUF.
But free healthcare is so great, we have to have it here! It only costs half your income for the opportunity to let government kill you kids! What’s not to love?
I found the same thing reading through mostly British comments. They almost entirely filled with hatred at the evil parents, who obviously do not care about their kid for making the poor NHS drag this out. I wish that was an exaggerated characterization.
You can find the same sick shit here on sites like DU.
True, but at least DU represents an especially deranged subset of Americans obsessed with team politics. The comments I read were from the average run of the mill Brit. I think we’re seeing the long-term effects of two world wars culling most of the actual men out of Western Europe.
There’s no one left to save them but the soccer hooligans.
I used to be a bit of an Anglophile, and dreamed of visiting England some day, maybe to visit the village I traced my earliest known ancestors to. Fuck that now – I wouldn’t go to that fucking place if you paid me to. They’re diseased.
I’d still visit, but I harbor fewer illusions about Airshit One these days.
I still remember one of my profs in college who was British and one of the most not politically correct people I’ve ever met. That guy would not be let near a college campus today.
If I ever visit again I want 10x my weight in ammunition
These are about the only political stories that ‘”I can’t even'”.
Subject versus Citizen. And we’re headed down the same road.
Same thing with the other kid, Charlie Gard.
I have tried not to read too much of this one because of the enraging effects of the Gard story, but it keeps sucking me in.
It pisses me off to no end.
Maybe he’ll die no matter what you try, that shouldn’t mean you get to starve him when he didn’t quit breathing like you expected.
Infuriating.
This, once again, is why 2A is so important. It would only take a few targeted hits against the doctors and bureaucrats to make them rethink this course of action.
(dear snoopers, this is merely an observation, not a suggested course of action)
Ha! My house begs to differ.
Does that mean it’s a strong house with a bad foundation or a weak house with a good foundation?
My house has a 200 year old blue field stone foundation. It’ sturdy but not what you would call water tight.
It’s an 80 year old house where 1/4 of it has no foundation.
I did a job in Leadville CO on an ancient house, I crawl under and see that the house is just Sitting on a group of rough hewn logs, just floating there, Coming from Earthquake land I was a bit nervous, and inhaling to get under the beams was a trick.
/Code? what code?
That’s the way the original part of the house was until they dug a basement under it. Yeah, if there were earthquakes here I’d lose the kitchen and a bedroom for sure.
I remember from back when I was doing construction work, we did some remodeling and I remember one house that was on stacks of rocks. Like one stack of rocks on the 4 corners and a couple in the middle. Just flat stacks of rocks sitting right on the ground.
“INTERROGATING ZUCKERBERG” — A Bad Lip Reading
Hank Azera says he’s willing to step aside from voicing Apu:
https://www.cnn.com/2018/04/25/entertainment/hank-azaria-apu/index.html
Sorry Hank, this won’t save you from the mob. Also, fuck you for caving you twat.
“looked at the character as a negative, stereotypical representation”
Head-desk
The whole show is a negative, stereotypical representation you idiot.
The real crime of the Simpsons is that it USED to be funny.
You’re correct, the first ten seasons were pure gold (some of the best TV comedy ever made IMHO) the seasons since then are pure shit.
I would say seasons 3-8 were gold, one and two had some great moments but often suffered from Early Installment Weirdness, and nine and ten were pretty good. After that, Charlie Sweatpants’ blog on the subject explains the situation most effectively.
This show has been on the air for 25 years and all of a sudden, right now, Apu becomes unacceptable and must be memory holed.
When will there be organized pushback against the Culture Gestapo?
When people stop trying to be one of the cool kids, flip these assholes off and tell them to go blow it out of their ass.
Sure, nothing will happen, but it keeps getting more interesting.
Collusion, but not Trump
Even one beaver causes huge amounts of damage.
I pretend I’m recovered, but I could have a relapse at any time.
” ($150 in ’88 near $2000 in ’18),”
Handy little inflation calculator right there, about 10x over 30 years.
Was watching a 1980 baseball game on youtube last night, with 1980 commercials. That was a high-inflation period but the stuff on the hardware store ad hasn’t gone up much in 38 years – except that all the products are imported from China now.
I saw a tv show the other night set in the early ’80s where a guy purchased a J-frame smith and wesson for 150 bucks. I thought, if only I had a time machine…then I remembered what 150 bucks meant to me back then.