I was planning on writing an article with the specific intent of insulting people. Why would I do that? Because Polish jokes are funny.
This is my review of Zyweic 1881 Porter.
While funny, these jokes have a vicious history. It began on September 1, 1939. Do you know what else was significant about that day? Much like the word, “assault rifle,” the Polish joke has its origins in Nazi propaganda. During and after the invasion, the jokes were pushed with the intent of creating a stereotype that made the Poles look stupid. To the point where Hitler himself made claims of Poland countering the Blitz with mounted cavalry and swords. This was not a just wild claim, as Poland was overrun as quickly as it was precisely because of it’s outdated military. 
The old adage of going to war with the army you have, rather than the one you want has merit. This was all designed to minimize sympathy Europeans might have for the Poles once the Germans were through with them. Nobody’s going to care, they’re just untermenschen, right? Nowadays, Poland is part of NATO and those GROM guys look pretty serious.
Knowing that, maybe the jokes are in poor taste. So much so that it actually got Jimmy Kimmel into a bit of trouble when he began reviving some of these jokes in segments of his show. I personally have no idea if he used them after people complained, because I don’t watch his show. This link here says that he personally likes them so much that he was going to continue it.
Since I know a fair number of you don’t care, I‘ll put a link here for an exhaustive list.
So this beer is no joke. It says porter on the label but it is definitely more stout like. Not a super sweet chocolate stout or one that is adorned with dark fruit and peanut butter. It is nice, dry, and straightforward as 9.5% abv gets. Perfect for day drinking. Zyweic 1881 Porter: 3.5/5
Comments
151 responses to “Screendoor on a Submarine”
that’ll end my day pretty quick, Good one Sharpie!
… says it in the scriptures ….
Amen.
Sharpie, where did you pick up that beer? I love me a good, strong porter or stout. Looks tasty.
BevMo
I cannot abide a Mexican insulting my heritage like this.
What are you gonna do, invade their Country or something? take his Jerb?
Just remember – we’re everywhere. Next time he eats a pierogi, he better watch his back.
From your posted list – Alfredo Ripstein that name fair drips with machismo.
Giovanni Snakefist
I have Mexican-jokes privilege, ‘Chetta. Here’s one to help even the score a little:
What do you call 5 white guys pushing a car up a hill? White power.
What do you call 5 black guys pushing a car up a hill? Black power.
What do you call 5 Mexicans pushing a car up a hill? Grand theft auto.
I cannot abide a Mexican insulting my heritage like this.
How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven. One to hold the bulb, ten to spin him clockwise.
safe to go after poles, eh?
Q: Why don’t they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Mexico?
A: Because the donkey needs a days res
Q: Why can’t you play UNO with a Mexican?
A: They steal all the green cards
FUCK! Where were you 4 months ago with this joke Lach?
My last job had tons of foreigners working there all desperately trying to get green cards. We also had UNO decks in the lunch room and there were some serious games there.
Strangely UNO was the one game everyone pretty much agreed on the rules for. All the other card games had strange variations based on which country you were from. I think the beauty of UNO is that everyone changes the rules on a per game basis so it is easy to modify it again.
Q: What did the little Mexican boy get for Christmas?
A: My bike.
You did see my Mexican joke above right?
yes. just jokes. my feelings ain’t hurt and i doubt yours are either
Wait Poles and Mexicans have feelings?
None that anybody cares about.
Polish jokes are cultural heritage when you live in an area where the chec polka fans hate the polish style polkas and the polish fans hate the german style polkas, and the german polka fans are too drunk to care what they’re listening to.
Remember the definition of “gentleman.”
.. something about supporting his weight on his elbows?
Someone who owns horses?
Someone who gets out of the bathtub before taking a piss?
You uncultured fucks. A gentleman is someone who knows how to play accordion and doesn’t.
Better accordion than bagpipes.
That would have offended me until I discovered my Scottish side is actually Irish.
One of my neighbors makes a decent side income manufacturing reproduction Polish period clothes and armor (beautiful Winged Hussar type stuff) and the Polish groceries here are often found to have plenty of real Kinder Eggs in stock.
I have no idea why Polish jokes were big where I grew up, since we didn’t have an apparent Polish population. But I hold those jokes in my heart with deep affection. You can’t have them.
They’ll go at night.
OK, I’ll tell you slowly.
What’s that noise?
About $1.20.
It’s the national bird.
Here, hit this shovel.
Thankfully, it wasn’t plugged in.
*whistles to Aztecs checking over obsidian knives*
Something, something heritage, heart something.
When seconds count, the police are
minutes awaynever coming.10 days in jail.
10. Days.
What, were they out of promotions and vacations to hand out?
Fuck me.
She took ‘dindunuffin’ literally.
Too important to leave to private enterprise, right?
I am willing to bet money that any private sector call center would have fixed this much quicker.
“But an audit a year and a half after she was hired found that an abnormally large number of her calls had lasted 20 seconds or less, and the city began an investigation.”
I bet any civilian call center would have auto terminated her on the spot.
“You had 35 calls today. 15 of them lasted less than 20 seconds, and all 15 were terminated by you. You’re fired.”
Seriously? Every call is recorded – I would have assumed that based on the number of calls received and whether or not there would have been a dispatch associated with the timestamp they would have noticed MUCH sooner.
When I worked at a call centre for the bank our team leaders checked the vast majority of our calls and would often spot listen on our calls.
But 18 months is ridiculous and unacceptable given the seriousness of this. I guess the government doesn’t care about the children as much as it claims.
Word to the wise: getting your teeth cleaned while hung over sucks.
OK this made me laugh.
https://i0.wp.com/www.powerlineblog.com/ed-assets/2018/04/Jenner-doors.jpeg?resize=444%2C600
Outstanding
Shouldn’t this only be offensive if you believe Jenner isn’t a woman now?
I thought it was the other way about.
But Bruce Jenner didn’t cease to ever have existed. He goes by Caitlyn now, and we’re meant to speak of him as if he’s a woman. I gather it’s rude to refer to him by his birth name, but aside from that, I see nothing that should offend the tranny dead-enders about putting up his previous likeness on the guy’s bathroom door and his new likeness on the woman’s bathroom door, assuming they keep to the logic of their position.
“assuming they keep to the logic of their position”
That’s part of the problem right there: a good many progs (and some conservatives) just want to be offended all the time. They’re not always quite sure why, but damnit, they’re offended.
“I see nothing that should offend”
You are missing the point. These days if you want to fit someone with a saddle the best way to go about it is to be offended all of the time no matter what they do or say.
The best way to counter that is to wave them off with a casual “Oh, go blow it out of your ass.”
This is the restroom sign that makes me laugh.
I can had Poland?
I would LOVE to have that Kittah!
I have a cat that I used to call Adolf. My wife made me stop and now we just call the cat ‘front porch cat’.
See here is the difference in the sane world. I grew up telling many cultural jokes…none were safe. Pols, check; Mexicans, check; White trash, check; Blacks, check; and so on. As I matured, those jokes go away and we move on.
When I get new information like this I don’t analyze my life and what I have done like the batshit insane do. “Oh I was such a racist! I hate everything now and everyone must be shitlords if they don’t also hate everything”
On that note….Ill have a coke!
Have Coke and Smile and Shut the Fuck up!
/R. Pryor
I exposed my kids to Pryor just last week. They were in awe that someone could be that funny, self depreciating and brutal to audience in one show
+1 I don’t give a fuck.
I have to admit I just can’t get into Pryor. Like Bill Hicks.
Comedy, good comedy derives power in it’s ability to bring our ugliness out and laugh about it. To not dance around issues that divide us or make us feel uncomfortable.
When comedians went on a hiatus regarding President Obama I lost all respect for the field.
The vast majority are insufferable now.
I agree. I want to laugh at others and myself. Comedians can’t figure that out apparently.
Modern comedy fears the Twitter mob and the outrage community. What a sad fucking day.
check out dave smith. his part of the problem podcast is pretty good.
Nick DiPaolo is one of the few precious comedians who isn’t. Same with Cumia.
They’re true rebels and their careers took a hit for it.
Because we all know the entertainment industry is run by stupid fuckhead progressives.
Oh absolutely. Worse than that, they praised the fucker. SNL first among them. Now they’re back to ‘truth to power woke’ comedy attacking Trump. So brave.
Cowards. And they know who they are.
How exactly are Meyers, Colbert and Kimmel not useful idiots with their propaganda didactic comedy again?
I don’t get how anyone who observes these sort of things could possibly not see this.
They don’t care. I absolutely loved when Dana Carvey lampooned Papa Bush. He still does in his Netflix special and actually does Obama but in a kid glove kinda way.
Making fun of our betters is the American Fucking Way.
Can you imagine if they did a LIL Obama show like they did Bush. I mean that asshat deserved it and so did every other politician ever save Obama. He is the true One that we just didn’t understand.
Watch bill burr blast Hillary Clinton on Conan. He is an equal opportunity comedian.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DZbQtCtxAXM
Trevor Noah is example #1 why comedy is not a leading export of South Africa. Jesus, what an unfunny douchecanoe.
I like that he had the balls to call out Elizabeth Warren for her Dolezal shit. Still doesn’t make him any funnier tho.
Wait until they learn about his relationship with Marlon Brando.
I always have taught my boys there is nothing new under the sun. Debauchery amongst the gilded is not a new revelation. The fact that Pryor porked Brando…who cares and that is how my boys see it.
I would like to personally thank OMWC — Old Mexican With Carbine — for this latest installment in upgrading our collective beer knowledge. And Polish jokes. Which simply become Newfie jokes in Canada.
That is the beauty of racial jokes – the target race can be randomly changed at will.
Plus or minus 10% — there’s always room for customization. 😉
My Canadian grandfather turned me on to Maclean & Maclean, his favorite bit being – “Q: What did the Englishman say when he caught his wife in bed with three men?” “A: Hullo, hullo, hullo.“
“Which simply become Newfie jokes in Canada.”
And Irish jokes in Australia.
“Did ya hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The Newfies threw grenades at the Scotians. The Nova Scotians would take the pins out and throw them back.”
What is the stereotype of the other Atlantics, especially Nova Scotia? Are Nova Scotians just less stupid Newfies on these jokes? Or do the jokes just involve them all being black?
Newfies get the brunt of insults not levied at Quebecers.
Signs You Are A Canadian:
You stand in “line-ups” at the movie, not for the cops.
You’re not offended by the term, “Homo Milk”
You understand the phrase, “Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine”
You drink pop, not soda.
You know what it means to be on pogey.
You know that a mickey and 2-4’s mean “Party at the camp, eh!!”
You don’t hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
You can drink legally while still a ‘teen.
You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
Germany wasn’t a proper country until fairly late. The people were backward as hell. Until the mid-nineteenth century no important decisions of state were made without consulting mirrors. I knew an old Pole who said when the Germans invaded they quartered soldiers in his family home. One of the officers came to his father and asked him what that strange porcelain chair/bowl like thing was in the house. His father informed the officer that it the most modern device for the storage of meat. 1939 and German officers had never seen a toilet before.
That story is regarding Soviet soldiers in WWII. Same could probably apply to rural Germans,..and rural Americans too.
The flush toilet was prevalent in both America and Germany by the First World War. No German officer of 1939 would have not known what a toilet was.
I hate to quote myself but….”That is the beauty of racial jokes – the target race can be changed at will.”
It wasn’t exactly a joke. The old Pole really did tell me that. I have no way of knowing if it is true or not. he could have just been turning Polish jokes back on the Germans or maybe it did happen. In any case you are correct.
Poland is indeed a very old country (yes, interrupted) and once was considered a rather powerful, sophisticated, and cosmopolitan one. (It’s mostly presentist bias that results in its neglect in European history surveys.) Poles consider themselves a Central European country and have a real complex about their historical sophistication. So I’m not surprised about this story, but it certainly is a little much. Not being politically unified doesn’t mean you’re culturally backward–unless it’s EU bureaucrats you’re asking.
Plague
Advocates for the disabled said they would have trouble moving through the streets if the scooters were zooming around or left on sidewalks. Advocates for older people said rampaging scooters would also encourage them to seek the safety of their homes, becoming shut-ins.
“Somebody whizzing along at 15 miles an hour, that’s a symbol of entitlement and arrogance,” said Fran Taylor, a retired medical reporter. She called the scooters “a plot of the young people to kill off all us old farts so they can have our rent-controlled apartments.”
Horrific impact of rental scooters. Cripples and old people hardest hit.
““a plot of the young people to kill off all us old farts so they can have our rent-controlled apartments.”
Jesus Christ, the NYT rehired Jayson Blair.
Blair never had that kind of style.
I hate everyone in that story.
They’re New York City people, so that’s to be expected.
I think I’m with you. Regulators outraged that someone had an idea without consulting them and paying danegeld are always annoying, but the customers sound like adults trying like hell to mimic 9 year olds. Ooooh shiny scooter, meh bored now, dropping it midsidewalk and wandering off…
Yeah, there is a whole lot of ‘pay for permission’, ‘I dont feel tardy’, and ‘get off my lawn’ there.
I will trade one Mexican joke for a good redneck joke.
– During the Mexican-American war the Americans were dug in north of the Rio Grande and the Mexicans were dug in south of the river. No one dared poke their head out of the trenches. The American general had an idea. Every minute or so he would yell out “Hey Juan!”. Every time a Mexican would poke his head up and say “Que?” (too lazy to put the accent mark). An American would shoot the Mexican. After a while the Mexican general got frustrated and decided to try the same thing so he yelled out “Hey Joe!”
The American general, without sticking his head out answered “Is that you Juan?”
The Mexican general poked his head up and answered “Si!”
What? No takers?
Good lord, if you want something done right…
How do you make a rednecks dick hurt? Kick his sister’s jaw.
Three rednecks died in a wreck because they were riding in the back of a pickup that ran off of the road into a bayou because they couldn’t get the tailgate open.
If you and your dog piss on the same tree…
There is a threefur
Where do rednecks go to pick up girls?
Family reunion
How does a redneck mom know when her daughter is on her period?
Her son’s dick tastes funny.
There, happy now?
I have a little male dog that has sparks flying out of his ass all of the time. I cant go anywhere without him or he goes nuts. He is my shadow. He only weighs about ten pounds but he picks fights with dogs ten times his size. I bet I have spent 5000 bucks getting him stitched up and glued back together. He is incorrigible so I cant let him out of my sight.
Most of the time when I let him out to piss I go out with him. Funny thing is he follows me around and waits until I piss then he pisses on the same spot then spins his wheels covering my shoes with grass and leaves.
I guess I am what I am.
Hmm, pretty sure current theory is that overmarking is a sign of dominance…
I see a lot of small dogs with dog-aggression problems. I don’t know if it’s a size thing; the smaller breeds of rabbit for instance do tend to be more aggressive. I see some of these dogs barking and straining their leads trying to get at other dogs, and I wonder why you don’t see that so often with the big dogs. (Of course if you did there’d be big trouble.)
I figure if you let those dogs off the lead things would be as you describe.
What’s The Difference Between Helen Keller And A Redneck?
She got famous for not being able to read
They recently discovered that the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky (or your favorite redneck state)
If it was invented anywhere else we would call it the teethbrush.
Best practical joke. Rearrange the furniture before Helen Keller wakes up.
We had an apartment once where next door were three women, one of them was blind.
Every few day we’d hear this screaming fit ’cause someone had moved something or left her shit laying around.
Thought it was leave the plunger in the toilet.
That would be an orgasm, not a screaming fit.
We had a pickup truck with a removable cap for the back, so it would have been possible to get trapped in the back.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSvJaYxRoB4
Don’t blame me for your jokes not being funny. :-p
Bubba, Billie Joe and Cleetus die in a tragic catfish noodling accident. They are met by God on the stairway to heaven.
God says, “There are 3,000 steps to heaven. It’s very serious up there. I’ll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell.”
So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, Billie Joe laughs out loud and goes straight to hell. Bubba and Cleetus look at each other nervously.
On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Cleetus tries his best but laughs and goes straight to hell.
On the 3,000th step God tells the last and best joke, Bubba doesn’t laugh and proceeds to the gate.
Suddenly, Bubba bursts out laughing hysterically. God asks, “What are you laughing about?”.
Bubba replies, “Oh that’s funny. I just got the first joke!”.
How about a Norwegian joke?
Ole and Sven move to St. Cloud and get a job working in a factory. After a couple weeks they get their first checks Ole finds out Lars is making twice what he was. He went to his boss and asked why.
“Me and Sven worked at the same clothing factory back in the Twin Cities making women’s panties, but he is getting twice as much as me.”
“But Sven had a technical job, while you just sewed the tags in those panties. He was a diesel fitter.”
“Technical job? He was quality control! After I sewed the tag in the panties, he’d look at them and say ‘Yup, diesel fitter’”
Ole was in the navy on deployment when his wife Lena gave birth. His brother Sven was at the hospital with her and called Ole afterwards.
“Ole you old dog. Lena had twins! A boy and a girl.”
“Twins? That is great. What are their names?”
“Well Lena was still under, so I named them. The girl’s name is Denise.”
“Denise, that is a good one Ole. What did you name the boy?”
“Denephew”
Ole was on his deathbed and implored his wife Lena, “When I’m gone, I want you to marry Sven”. “Why Sven?” his wife asked. “You’ve hated him all of your life!” “Still do,” gasped Ole.
Minnesoda Lutheran Airlines.
Listening to that was like eating hot dish. A comforting blast from the pass. Everyone’s grandpa and gramma talked just like that.
How many Pollacks does it take to collaborate with the Germans to murder the hated Jews?
All of them.
/now illegal in Poland
Hmm, that stout does look good. I haven’t seen it in my area, yet. I was just in the big super store in our area and I wasn’t really looking at beer. I just grabbed a 12 of Heineken (best beer ever, you deniers) and this because it was on sale for a really good price:
Chivas Regal 18 YO
SHITLORRRRRRDS!
*jots a couple down*
A couple?
Man’s gotta have some standards.
And still post here? Some standards.
*scoffs*
I didn’t imply they were particularly elevated, merely non-zero.
Right, I gave you all a list.
My dad, grandpa, and great uncle would tell each other Polak jokes constantly. They all had last names with almost no vowels. My grandma was polish and my grandfather Slovak.
My favorite was the the Stash and Yash jokes.
Yash said to his friend Stash “look at the size of that dead turkey”. Stash looks up and goes “where?!!”
They all had last names with almost no vowels.
They were Welsh?
Similar. A bunch of random C’s, Z’s, W’s and J’s
Thing with Polish is, once you figure out a few small things you can pronounce everything no problem. As with most ethnic names, the hardest part is actually figuring out which Anglicizations are or are not being used to modify.
Irish pronounciation though, who the fuck knows?
I worked with a (((woman))) years ago that had the world’s most extensive collection of JewishAmericanPrincess jokes. She knew them all, and loved to tell them.
Does that make her (((self-loathing)))? Or just well-adjusted?
That depends – were they funny?
Who has ever met a well adjusted Jew?
OMWC when he’s three sheets to the wind. Or at least then he’s reasonably tolerable.
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.
BP! You are back, hooray! Did you bring Titor?
No. But I didn’t bring Hinh, either, so there you go.
I didn’t bring Hinh, either
Bless you, my child.
Thx, btw.
Speaking of making fun of people, I spent the day giving everybody a little high res makeover for their new life in 1080p.
‘I was a sex slave.’ Stripper says Florida politician preyed on her ‘vulnerability.’
Married stripper moves in with Florida councilmen. Sounds like the start of a sitcom to me.
barring Nicholson from returning to his home. Surette said she and her husband, Kendel Surette, will live there until they find a new home
Sounds like Nicholson is getting fucked in the end.
He’s getting fucked big time. The husband, her likely pimp who was freeloading off all of this, gets a new house out of it.
And this may be the most homely stripper I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen some mediocre strippers in my day. I guess if they were making more money stripping to begin with, they wouldn’t have taken his deal.
You are the most fortunate man I know of. I’ve never actually paid to see a stripper homelier than that (I don’t really go to strip clubs) but I damn well have an awareness of plenty who are.
Non Russian white stripper in a black club is never a bad bet.
Love the Prop 65 reference in your bio MS.
I prefer the “jew, polack, and [insert some 3rd group] jokes“, because good ethnic-mockery jokes should cast a wide net and attempt to insult as many different groups of people as possible
but in truth, its usually just the polacks and the jews
They have the best, to be sure, but I’d hardly say other ethnic groups don’t get theirs.
I still think the show “The White Shadow” is sort of like one, extended, multi-episode, form of this “lets insult the stereotypes of every single group”
i mean, the ‘white’ players were = “Salami, Gonzalez, and Goldberg”
and it gets worse from there.
and the coach was an irish guy with an alcohol/temper/ex-wife problem
its perfection.
There was a Gonzalez?
My bad: “Gomez”
His character’s side-story surrounded his “turning from hubcap thief, to sideline-auto-mechanic, to considering dropping out of high-school to support his pregnant wife”
And Newfies.
STEVE SMITH POLISHES KNOB ALL DAY. DOESN’T CARE ABOUT FEELING. RAPESQUATCH GOTTA RAPESQUATCH.
I guess every one is at Work………………………….
“Mini-Me” is dead.
Here’s what he drove,
https://photos.app.goo.gl/KOMlC9jbSx7zcHIs1