“Goddamn, I just love bombing motherfuckers!” the hat crowed. “Who can we bomb next, huh? Who? Iran? Some cave complex in Afghanistan? Surely somewhere in Iraq needs the business.” He was upside down in Donald’s lap, full of McDonald’s french fries and hadn’t stopped giggling since Friday night.

The hair struggled to turn the last pages of A Higher Loyalty and only grunted a reply. Donald had fallen asleep watching the satellite reconnaissance footage of the missile strikes. The hat chortled as a white line streaked into a building on the grainy green footage and the screen overloaded white from the glare. The hat cheered the same strike he had already seen a dozen times.

“Well,” the hat said, closing the book, “looks like Comey doesn’t know even the half of it.”

“The tenth of it!” the hat shot back.

“He doesn’t know about the Viagra shipments, the lampreys we sent to Elizabeth, most of the Ukraine piss hooker visits…”

“Ah, piss hookers,” the hat interrupted.

“The Provo cottage,” the hair continued, “The Ivanka dolls, the black egg escorts, Cory taking a dump on Biden’s Trans Am, the time the Deep State operatives kidnapped you, the time you tried to give Priebus an icepick lobotomy, and nothing at all indicating he knows about you and me, or USA hat or that idiot windbreaker…”

“Goddammit, that windbreaker is an idiot,” the hat interrupted again.

“Or,” the hair continued, sighing heavily in irritation, “the nine, um, Chappaquiddicks we had to clean up for Junior and Eric.”

“Man, those wacky kids just love driving off bridges,” the hat said admiringly.

“Comey’s done, he’s toast, he can’t touch us,” the hair said.

“Did you see that next to the last one right before the Sunday news shows?” the hat asked. “Boom! Headshot! And I texted it upside-down, bro!”

“Yeah, I saw it.”

“Don’t be such a Gloomy Gus. You want an french fry? They’re kind of cold, but you know… still OK.”

“Nah,” the hair said. “I always feel kind of funny when I, um, eat out of you.”

“Fine, whatever,” the hat said sullenly. “More for me.”

Joe! Joe! Joe!

Joe Biden Is the Front-runner. Uh-oh.

Joe Biden, who leads the Democratic 2020 presidential field in early polls, has all the markings of a front-runner. He possesses a sterling résumé, access to a donor base, name recognition and eight years of loyal service to a president who’s loved by the party base. There’s just one problem: He’s also a deeply flawed candidate who’s out of step with the mood of his party.

Biden hasn’t announced he’s running for president, of course, but he’s made clear he’s seriously thinking about it. On Sunday, he confirmed it again on MSNBC’s PoliticsNation. The decision, he said back in February, will be based on whether it’s “right for me to do.”

But that’s the wrong question. What Biden should be asking is whether the party wants him, and not just whether he should seize his last chance.

Oh, Joe. Please run. Please. You and Donald going at it in a debate would be a spectacle for the ages. 18 debates. Let’s have at least 18 debates. And one of them has to be townhall-style at Oberlin. And the Hell’s Angels can do security.

Weibo Reverse Ban On QUILTBAG content after protest

One of China’s largest social media sites, Sina Weibo, has reversed a ban on online content “related to homosexuality” after outcry from the country’s internet users.

On Friday, Sina Weibo said that for the next three months it would be removing comics and videos “with pornographic implications, promoting bloody violence, or related to homosexuality”. The internet company said the initiative was in an effort to “create a sunny and harmonious community environment” and comply with the country’s cybersecurity laws.

In response, Weibo users posted photos with their partners, comments, and rainbow emojis, accompanied by the hashtags #iamgay and #iamgaynotapervert.

Weibo is, I guess, Chinese Facebook? Or Chinese Tumblr? Either way, I’m sure the CEO will be accused of helping rig an election in the next few years. It is becoming very fashionable to blame social media for every social ill.

UK Government Proposes Five Basic Principles to Keep Humans Safe From AI

Artificial intelligence should be developed for the common good and benefit of humanity.

OK. Sounds nice, I guess. But who will immediately break this principle? Government.

Artificial intelligence should operate on principles of intelligibility and fairness.

Unlike laws, then? Or tax codes? Or the NHS?

Artificial intelligence should not be used to diminish the data rights or privacy of individuals, families or communities.

I’m not sure how they even managed to get this one out with a straight face. This is the first thing governments will do with AI. Hell, governments trying to invade data privacy and break civilian strong crypto is probably how AI will be developed in the first place.

All citizens have the right to be educated to enable them to flourish mentally, emotionally and economically alongside artificial intelligence.

Uh, OK. I’ll just assume that means pay raises for teachers or something.

The autonomous power to hurt, destroy or deceive human beings should never be vested in artificial intelligence.

Governments want to reserve that power for themselves.