Today’s planetary alignment: Sun, Mercury (retrograde), Earth, Moon. With both the full moon and Mercury retrograde, prepare for some craziness. Like really crazy, people-rising-from-the-dead crazy. Furthermore, the full moon is bringing its destabilizing effects to Libra, further disrupting the natural order of things. Expect lots of practical jokes and hoaxes.

Everything else remains the same as last week, celestial-influencewise.

Since even I, paragon of laziness, can’t leave a submission at sixty words, I’ve decided to cast a horoscope for Glibertarians.com, the website. Now since this is the first time I’ve done such a thing for a entity that is artificial, electronic, abstract, collective and incorporeal, the interpretations will be a bit… unrefined.

Since the first post was by OMWC, I’m using the horizon as (would be) seen from Chicago for the reference. So there’s one strike against ol’ Glibby already.

Some of the standard phrases for this horoscope are pretty damn funny:

  • Conservative (no, goddammit, not conservative! Libertarian! There is a fucking difference!)
  • You get bored with the status quo and are generally open to new things and ideas. An individualist and a free spirit. (Yes, but how does that square with conservative?)
  • When you feel insecure or threatened, you become overly sensitive to criticism. (*koff* *koff* Yeah, not touching that one.)
  • You tend to be very opinionated — you have strongly felt notions about things and are quite vocal about expressing and defending them. Yet you are also an original thinker — you enjoy shocking others with your offbeat, original thoughts. You appreciate and need mental and intellectual stimulation. Your judgment is usually fair and impartial — you can be a good critic because you can remain objective and unemotional about most things. For you, as well as for the rest of your peers, the issue of personal freedom is not just an abstract issue that can be discussed and then forgotten. You feel very deeply the loss or threat of loss of your ability to remain unrestricted and independent. And you will react vigorously and vociferously to defend your right of self-expression, no matter what the cost. (God DAMN but astrology is an exact science.)

Seize your destiny, Glibs!

Now that’s all well and good, but you have to look at the chart as a whole. Frankly there’s a lot of aggression and stubbornness in this chart (particularly sexual), and a surprising amount of prudishness. Yeah, I don’t have that figured out, either. Maybe because of Eddie’s presence in the beginning? If Glibertarians.com were a ruler, it would be a fair and just one.

But what of… Destiny? What fate awaits our happy little home? When will it end? How will it end? Will it fade away as people get bored with it, or will it flame out in an explosion of egos and hurt feelings?

Well the stars can answer the last one: Glibertarians.com is going out with a bang, not a whimper. Now as to when the spectacular glibocalypse will happen, the chart is empty. Like literally empty. Like there’s not a frigging thing in there about longevity. Sometimes the sky is a bitch that way. There is bad news about the life Glibby is expected to experience: the signs point to collectivism ascending, and freedoms diminishing. A very odd and discomforting alignment indicating destructive change and/or rapid loss. This is another reason why astrologers are alcoholics.