I am going to try to spice things up a bit and tell you about that one time I went to Jamaica. Turns out, the cruise ship I was on made a stop there and I got to look around a bit as the bus drove us to Montego Bay. Okay, maybe I just got the Cliff’s Notes version of Jamaica, but the island seemed like a nice place, at least the tourist areas. Something I found kind of odd was when the group transferred from one Jamaican chaperone to the other, they all seemed to fill in the time by telling the group about their country’s tax code.
No, seriously.
This is my review of the beer in the short, stubby, ugly bottle: Red Stripe!
I have been dying to use that picture.
First, I got off the ship and hopped on the bus. The bus driver explained a few things unique to Jamaica, such as their habit of locals letting loose their goats off the side of the road. It served two purposes: to feed their goats and to keep the grass trim, that way the government saves money cutting grass along the side of the highways. Clever. He also explained that Jamaica had a general consumption tax and a property tax. That was it.
Later the guys on the catamaran said the same thing. There’s a general consumption tax, and a property tax, but they also explained there was a tax on some imported goods, like gasoline. Then a different bus driver again explained their tax code.
I thought that was pretty cool, if true. Maybe there are places besides the US where a libertarian can be somewhat welcome. After all, they had pretty well maintained roads, even by US standards and there was other infrastructure like overhead powerlines and sewers. They even speak English! Snorkeling with my 3 year old only created more interest; perhaps something rubbed off on this particular former British colony. This one has some awesome things to do and the people here seemed to be every bit as fun as you want them to be.
Nope. I was wrong.
Here is a basic breakdown of Jamaica by the things that people around here tend to pay attention to. As always, everyone here is welcome to call bullshit.
State Legitimized Theft
- There is a tax on real property, but it is broken down by value as determined by the Jamaican government. This table below has a breakdown of property values.
- There is also a tax levied upon the transfer/sale of real property of 5% or 1% for shares–if the capital gains made on the property exceed 37.5%. There is also a stamp duty for the same transactions of 1% of shares and 4% for real property–there are exemptions on the stamp duty for shares sold on the Jamaican Stock Exchange.
- General Consumption Tax. It’s basically a VAT at 16.5%. Taxes on some imported goods, such as petroleum products and alcohol apply.
- There is no income tax!…..if you make under 1,500,000 JMD/year. Over that, its a flat 25% unless you make more than 6,000,000 JMD/year–then it is 30%. There are also some considerations for Jamaicans living abroad vs. on the island.
- You’ll like this one. There is no tax on capital gains or inheritance.
- Minimum Business Tax: 60,000JMD/year for all corporate bodies. This also applies to tradesmen, professionals, and businesses exceeding 6,000,000 JMD/year–this tax can be deducted from an individual’s income tax. Source
JMD to USD for your reference
Weed:
It is well-known that Ganja is illegal. Culturally, they don’t care. In fact, I was propositioned twice to purchase Ganja and I was on the island for about 10 hours.
Buttsecks:
Apparently, they have some serious cultural issues with the concept.
Messicans:
Immigration laws are quite humorous:
“Prohibited Immigrants:
4.-(1) The following Commonwealth citizens (not being persons deemed to belong to the Island as defined by subsection (2) of section 2) are prohibited immigrants-
(a) any person who is likely if he entered the Island to become a charge on public funds by reason of infirmity of body or mind or of ill-health or who is not in possession of sufficient means to support himself and such of his dependants as he shall bring with him to the Island;
(b) any idiot or epileptic or any person who is insane or mentally deficient or any person who is deaf and dumb or deaf and blind, or dumb and blind, unless in any such case he or a person accompanying him or some other person gives security to the satisfaction of the Chief Immigration Officer for his permanent support in the Island or for his removal therefrom whenever required by the Chief Immigration Officer;
(c) any person certified by a Health Officer to be suffering from a communicable disease which makes his entry into the Island dangerous to the community;
(d) any person over sixteen years of age who by reason of deficient education is unable to fill up the prescribed form of declaration for immigrants in his own handwriting and is likely to become a charge on public funds;
(e) any prostitute or any person who may be living on or receiving or may have lived on or received the proceeds of prostitution; cf, the children under the age of sixteen years being dependants of a prohibited immigrant;
(g) any member of a class of persons deemed by the Minister on economic grounds or on account of standard or habit of life to be undesirable immigrants and so declared by order published in the Gazette; […] “
Guns:
On the surface, they look like they are on par with one of the more restrictive states in the US. In practice? Forget it.
I tried. Jamaica is no libertarian paradise, but the goat curry is tasty.
So is Red Stripe any good? Not really. The owner of the $400,000 catamaran generously informed us the Red Stripe was on him at the boat’s mini bar, just tip the nice lady serving you. So in effect, its cheap enough that even Jamaicans give it away for free. It’s not without its charms though and certainly something I’d grab out of nostalgia for that time I went snorkeling with my family in Montego Bay. Red Stripe Jamaican Lager 2.0/5.
Comments
105 responses to “Hooray Beer!”
You did a review of a Jamaican beer on St Patty’s day?
*flips keyboard*
I’ll overlook it because there is beer.
No. I wrote this back in February.
Just yanking your chain, MS. Always enjoy these beer Saturday posts!
Thank you!
To answer your question from a couple weeks back: Taylor Ham is compressed pork shoulder–just like Spam. The spices are bit different. I like to fry it and toss it in bagels.
Plenty of Irish in Jamaica.
Explains a lot, actually.
I have Guinness Blonde Lager to try this evening. I like the Black Lager, but it is not available here.
I used to like Harp but I haven’t seen it in a long time in the cooler. Is that the rebranded name then?
In 2005, Harp saw a makeover. Diageo Ireland separated the brand from Guinness.On 9 May 2008, Diageo Ireland announced that it would close the Dundalk Brewery along with the Kilkenny Brewery over a five-year period.[6] and the last Harp was brewed at Great Northern in October 2013, after which production moved to Diageo’s sole Irish brewery, St James’s Gate Brewery in St. James’s Gate, Dublin.[7]
No harp is still around
Nice watch!
Excellent and informative article. I will not be moving to Jamaica.
But I might have a cold Red Stripe on a hot beach someday.
Before I can go with “nice” watch, I want to ask what brand and movement is it?
/passes puck to Tundra.
Mines the one with the blue dial.. Its solid, but not exactly nice. Mine was made in Japan.
Awesome. Can’t go wrong with Seiko and Citizen.
Or Orient. I have this one:
https://www.longislandwatch.com/Orient_CEM65004M_Watch_p/cem65004m.htm
I put a Marathon strap on mine. Softer and less bulky for me.
Very nice!
I hadn’t worn a watch for decades until my wife won this Seiko. Now I never take it off. (mostly because it will die if it stops moving. ha-ha)
That’s a great watch. I have the green version.
Speaking of watches, Samsung Gear S3s are confounded pieces of evil scrap metal from the pits of hell. I just bought my wife one and of course, I had to set it up. I haven’t done that much cursing in a long time. Damn infernal contraption.
Red stripe isn’t bad. I’ve had it in the bottles.
Oddly enough, the first time I tried it, I was in Iowa.
What did you expect? He’s MEXICAN, it’s right there in the name,
and Jamaica isn’t so nice once you leave downtown, from all descriptions I heard
Oh, we drove through that part. Reminds me a bit of Mexico.
By my reading of 4.(b) you can get in if you are deaf, dumb, and blind. It’s a pinball wizard’s paradise!
I read it as “no progressives allowed”
It is St. Patrick’s day? Hmm, maybe I should run down to the tap house when wifey gets home and they can put some green food coloring into one of their nasty IPAs for me.
Yes. I went to the local Tilted Kilt. Ever since they opened, they’ve been open on St. Patrick’s Day for breakfast. I’ve been among the first three there every year, except this year. I overslept. I got there about 45 minutes after opening.
I had an Irish Coffee with Jameson’s, Irish breakfast, three Founder’s Porters, and a pretzel. I turned my perverted gaze on many beautiful women.
It’s sort of a big deal down in Balmer because there are a lot of Irish pubs in one area. No way I’m going down there with that assholes though, especially since my wife has to work tomorrow. I might just hang here and sample this Whistlepig 12 year. I have beer at home too and the bottles are green, so I’m set.
lol
I make it a point not to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day.
“t is well-known that Ganja is illegal. Culturally, they don’t care. In fact, I was propositioned twice to purchase Ganja and I was on the island for about 10 hours.”
So, how was it?
Don’t know. Never done it.
A very good Jamaican export https://youtu.be/-WTEgdohE20
I was going to make some music… but then I got high?
Yep. https://youtu.be/e9bSXerCxdw
Another Excellent export, Go Jonny
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jV8FWoaytM
54-46 Was My Number
Better than this?
This was originally recorded in Jamaica because capital controls left the singer with blocked funds she couldn’t take out of the country.
I’ve always loved this song.
https://youtu.be/KSuB4t3q_dA
Then he makes this commie nonsense song for Marked for Death.
https://youtu.be/rAfNQlBa44I
Bwahhhaaahaaaa, ahahhahhh haaaaa, rflmao, make it stop! Haaahaahhaaa!
Yeah, that’s what you were doing.
I wasn’t aware paddling was still a thing.
In school I should add. Lol.
Paddling the school canoe?
Hopefully, it’s making a comeback.
“It’s St. Patrick’s Day when everybody’s Irish, except the gays and the Italians”
– Kent Brockman
Still one of the all-time great lines because it’s true.
Yup. Italians are dismissive of St. Patrick’s Day especially since it occurs around St. Joseph Day
The Irishwoman who shot Mussolini
I thought it was 10,000 Eyetalian marksmen that finally pegged him.
What about the gay Irish Italians? Do they get the bullet too?
The bullet is reserved for the English only on St. Patrick’s Day
It’s why I have all these mags already loaded.
“A drink to Michael Collins”
An IRA song I’ve heard song by Chicago’s Irish
I can tolerate that.
A drink to Gerry Adams and/or Martin McGuinness would be a different matter.
When one of my friends lived in southwest Baltimore not far from Camden Yards we met up to go walk over and see a day game. On the way we stopped in at an Irish pub. Now, where I live, there are a lot of “Irish” pubs, but they’re basically theme parks, even the ones owned by actual Irishmen. This place, on the other hand, only had Jameson’s. There was also a poster with a box asking for donations to Gerry Adams’ re-election campaign.
Now and again I forget that there’s a large Irish Catholic population in the area.
Given the name, it’s kinda hard to forget it’s PaddyTown.
A song for my* Irish dad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urIsx9rxZ4U
Poetic license, my dad wasn’t Irish.
My dads English but my mom’s Irish.
The history of beer, according to the Irish.
Those cretins drink warm beer, that’s calls for a genocide. If the limey’s are a side casualty, then so be it.
David Kopel’s “The Samurai, The Mountie, and the Cowboy” had a chapter on Jamaica’s gun laws.
I’ve never been to Jamaica.
Two former coworkers have been to Jamaica.
One told me that when he left, while he was waiting in line at the airport, some dude offered to sell him ganja.
The other went to (semi-safe for work review of Hedonism) Hedonism with his wife.
Frederick “Toots” Hibberts, of Toots and the Maytals fame, spent time in jail in Jamaica due to marijuana possession.
Nothing says small government quite like defending an FBI agent for losing his pension. Wait, that makes no sense…
*looks around nervously*
Who did that?
Sampson Simpson! I stick by my story! I am from Jamaica!
If I wasn’t Jamaican, why would I wear this hat? hmm?
What part of Jamaica are you from?
The song I want played at my funeral.
Made me think of a different Patty Murphy and I’ll be happy when she is gone.
Behold the lyrics to a rather infamous song about the Jamaican opinion of homosexuality.”
Short version: they set them on fire. Not metaphorically.
Regarding Red Stripe, I’d probably stick it right in the middle with a 2.5. I tend to think of it as a cousin to, say, Singha, or maybe Corona. It’s a sweetish, light-to-medium bodied lager that benefits from drinking cold in an appropriate context, like a hot, humid night at a patio bar, or out on a boat in the sunshine. Red Stripe isn’t a beer you drink in a smoky pub with exposed beams during a light snow, for instance.
Straight Outta Kingston
I don’t speak jive.
OT: I made this last night. It was awesome, although next time I’m going to throw in a big handful of salt during the last few minutes of boiling because the cabbage was a bit watery and bland. Also, there’s a ton of leftover beef/cabbage filling, which I just fried up as breakfast patties with eggs and toast. That was also delicious.
Speaking of beer…. This guy didn’t even spill his.
Ok. I finished cutting the yard and my buzz is gone. I made another drink and put this on:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSmMyTO3XtQ
I am not usually a big music guy but today I am I suppose.
And one of my all time favorites
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z86JNeWvk-I
On topic: I haven’t been to Jamaica. I wont go. One of my friends went and caught the Kingston Cooties while swimming in the ocean. He damned near died from it. I have spent enough time in shitholes around the world. I will probably never leave the country again in my lifetime and that is fine with me.
There is plenty to see and do here. I would love to see the swiss alps though.
I have been to the top of the Andes. So high when you look up the sky isnt even blue. There aint a goddamned thing up there but rock and ice. You look down at the clouds and you have seen it. I have walked on the bottom of the ocean. It’s a damned desert down there. Not much to see. I have been to every continent save Antarctica. I have had everything there is to have, done everything there is to do and been everywhere there is to go. Now I just want to stay home, cook for my wife, play with my grandchildren and grow trees. I get along really well with all of those, especially the trees, and none of them curse me or try to kill me.
Sounds like a nice plan.
How was Zanzibar?
Nice vid.
Have another. I hope you dont have a foot fetish.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPpZ3GqAUI4
Sweet. I have an adorable girl fetish so…
It’s not a fetish when everyone does it.
Foot fetish people are just bizarre, but whatever you know. I dated a girl I met online for a little while, well not really dated, we were just doing more of a friend thing. But anyway, we got to talking about weird people we met doing the online dating. She said she went out once with some guy and she thought the dude was sort of odd. They were in a restaurant and she was thinking ‘is he staring at my legs all of the time?’, and she thought it odd because she was wearing jeans. Then all of the sudden he says ‘You have really beautiful feet’. Guess she was wearing sandals, lol.
I dont really have a foot fetish but I have noticed that during ‘the moment’ some women curl their toes and some splay them. Annie there is a splayer. I took note.
“Toe-Curling Bliss” would make a great band name. “Splay-Toed Abandon” is also on the list.
Red Stripe is an ok beer. I’ve only had it few times though.
OSU game not until 7:45. Prolly head out around 5. Hope I can get a bar seat somewhere. Everyone will be trashed which will be annoying.
In honor of St. Patrick’s Day: Ireland defeats England at Twickenham to win Grand Slam.
You know who else was against England?
Argentina?
Us?
Napoleon?
I had to find a beer for Saint Patty’s day cause my goat is thirsty and we shall drink to that.
Goose Island Bourbon Stout
I added one of the back label because no matter where I try to sit that bottle in the house, it’s very hard to make out the embossing on that dark glass.
back label
Shit, another try.
BACK!
That looks fancy. How much a bottle. I do like the bourbon barrel stouts.
$13, standard Euro size bottle 1 pint .9 fl oz. But it’s 15% ABV.
I remember that one. I’ll crack it open eventualy..
That’s a good beer. I can’t remember what vintage I had last.
I got a 4 pack of this last night. I’ll hold on to one for the beer swap. Neshaminy mud bank stout. I’ll drink a few tonight
https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/29021/82338/
Neshaminy has some good beers.
A joke a South Carolinian friend described as a “Southern joke”:
—
What’s the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Day?
On St. Patrick’s day, everyone’s an Irishman.
—
I guess I can’t think of a way this joke isn’t racist. Oh well, passing it along anyway.
Okay, maybe I just got the Cliff’s Notes version of Jamaica
[blinks]
Really, you did NOT go for the Jimmy Cliff’s Notes… ?