Hello,
I’m contacting you on behalf of HiLee – a leading bio cosmetics company with a special focus on beard care.
We’re interested in publishing an article on your site. If you’re open to it, we’ll send a pitch for your approval.We’ll be happy to pay a fee if required.
We share unique tips, report about recent development in the industry and always make sure that the content we create is relevant and informative to the site’s audience; we don’t engage in self-promotional pieces, worry not.
Please let me know how you’d like to proceed.
This was a tough one not to respond to. I am interested in beard care. Very interested. But we felt that if we were going to run an article on beard care, it should be by one of our commenters and not from an outside company.
Hi, Jill here with OverdoseWatch.org
Heroin and opiate relapse remains a KILLER amongst the community of the recovered.This is why you should include more resources for maintaining and managing sobriety on your site.
It should be obvious why this was so unsuitable: We hate sobriety and love overdoses. Personally, I try to overdose at least three or four times a week. I go a few days without an overdose, I get anxious and itchy all over, like ants crawling on my skin. I may not even finish this post without a quick OD.
WE NEED TO START EATING POOP, THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE THE WORLD. EAT MY OWN POOP EVERY DAY, EAT AND PROVIDE YOURSELF WITH THE NUTRIENTS YOU NEED TO SURVIVE IN THIS WONDERFUL WORLD OF SIN. ENJOY YOUR COWORKERS SCHEMATIZE, SCARF LOCAL FIREMAN OR TEACHERS DUMP LOAD. WHAT YOU CHOICE IS CURRENT DIARRHEA FLOWING FROM WITHIN. WILL YOU ALLOW ME TO WATCH YOU FROM A DISTANCE WHILE I EAT MY POOP AGAINST YOUR WINDOW. SOMETIMES DURING THE DAY, SOMETIMES IN NIGHT. GROW WITHIN ITS GLORY, AS YOU PROVIDE YOURSELF WITH ALL YOU NEED. PRAISE HIM FOR YOUR BOUNTY AND CONSUME. MAMMAL LOVE IS OK.
We simply asked for more from this solicitation. Thousands of words more.
Comments
179 responses to “Emails to the Contact Us form”
Fuck off, slaver.
Best response
People who say “I don’t need drugs. I’m high on life.” are insufferable
I don’t need drugs, I’m powered by spite and schadenfreude.
I agree entirely. I’m not over here saying everyone should do drugs*… but those high on life people probably also don’t consider caffeine a drug, for instance.
*Except that’s exactly what I’m saying.
Caffiene isn’t a drug, it’s an essential nutrient.
I’ve long thought ethanol is, broadly speaking, essential. Maybe achievers (or earnest bullshitters) like Trump can get away with tee-totaling, and maybe too low-functioning dullards with their qualms about it, and of course a smattering in between, but I don’t think humanity would exist without a great many tipplers and drunkards.
/Jordan Peterson Voice
So you are saying that you support date rape?
/Cannel 4 interrogator
Date rape? No. Fig rape? yes.
I don’t need drugs, my rage keeps me warm at night.
Submission 3 looks like HERCULE whats-his-name from TOS has caught up with us.
Not enough CATS or EMPIRE
The last one had a return email? I’d like to see if they have a newsletter.
SHITBOT HAS NO NEWSLETTER. SHITBOT ONLY HAS SHIT!
So, where’s the crazy stuff?
And think you should have sold out on #1.
*nods slowly*
https://www.hilee.com/
Based on the main page, I certain segment of our audience might be interested.
Ooh, Someone just lit the Jesse signal again!
Nothing wrong with some good old fashioned whoring.
We’ll have to change it to “The Hat and the Hair and the Beard” to make our sponsor happy.
I never understood the negative connotations that come with “selling out.” I didn’t “sell out,” I got paid. Bitches.
I
And I am not commenting too fast, I am editing via reply
Except you didn’t reply…
Yeah, my reply stating exactly that caused a server error. So maybe I am commenting too fast.
Or I replied P Brooks style. Yeah, thats it.
Oh god that third email is a bad Agile Cyborg impersonation. It’s as if someone dreamt up that an evil DEA agent had arrested Agile’s mushroom dealer, and he was left only with half a case of PBR and a tube of industrial adhesives to get him through the night.
So re: beard care: when shaving one’s neck (’cause neck-beard is just wrong) where is the transition point between neck and face? Underside of the jawbone? Or perhaps top of the adam’s apple? Does it matter full/long beard vs the permanent 5 o’clock shadow look? These are the hard hitting questions that have me losing sleep at night!
You’re dead to me, Tulpa handle I hardly recognize.
So, it’s supposed to be the line where your neck goes from vertical to horizontal, if that makes sense? Basically where the bottom of your chin becomes the front of your neck. But it’s a good bit more difficult for heavier guys
Good thing I’m not one of those chicks with a beard, because I have no idea where this point is on my face.
Yeah haha, it’s hard to explain with text
I get what you’re saying – I’m saying I have a world champion double chin where it’s entirely unclear where the vertical changes to horizontal.
The rule of thumb is about half an inch above the top of your Adam’s apple.
Why do you other fat bastards?
I go two fingers forward of my windpipe, because hairs in the crease plain suck.
For me, I shave right up to a little below the jawbone. Much depends on beard style and length, though. If you are rocking a bushy lumberjack beard, probably would shave less of your neck. For a shorter beard, shave more of your neck.
^^this
i’ve had mostly short beard off and on since early 2000s. when it was longer/thicker, i let it take up more of my under-jaw. the way i’ve had it the last 10 years is very very short – basically, wahl clippers on open setting – and i shave my neck up to the edge of my jaw. its just a comfort thing. i think it might also depend if you’re a skinny or fat-necked dude, and what looks right to you.
OMG. Having Gilmore validate my fashion advice is . . . I just want to thank the Academy, my parents, and all the little people who made this possible.
Seriously, G., an occasional (or regular post) critiquing the fashion decisions of Our Masters, their bootlickers in the media, or even (especially?) sports announcers would be da bomb. Your takes on the Redeye outfits were the highlights of those discussions.
Why did sugar free write in all caps?
Broken keyboard.
It’s a common side effect of overdosing on opioids cut with beard oil.
He used the poppy oil wrong! You’re supposed to apply it to the face, not inject it.
You’re not my supervisor!
He borrowed STEVE SMITH’S keyboard.
I think that message was from STEVE SMITH’s German cousin.
Unless it’s ADLER SCHMIED, we’re fucked – I assumed there was one SMITH on land, one in the waters (SEA SMITH) and unknown one up in the air. Any more is super-dangerous.
No, no, it’s 1 if by land and 2 if by sea… There is a second sea dweller of the SMITH clan out there.
we don’t engage in self-promotional pieces, worry not.
That ranks up there with “I’m from the government, I’m here to help you.”, “The check is in the mail.”, and “I won’t cum in your mouth.”
“Size doesn’t matter”
“Just the tip”, “I’ve never seen her before”
“It happens to a lot of guys”
“I’m not familiar with that one”
https://twitter.com/Xiaxue/status/973283809289322496
LOLOLOL
Third one is clearly a Russian poop bot.
Damn Russians interfering with our defecation now …
Won’t be long until we are all voting for Trump.
Out precious bodily solids!
Our, not out…..fire my editor
Out works too; especially after Chipotle (ask Playa if you doubt).
I thought it was Germans who were really into poop?
https://reason.com/blog/2018/03/13/republicans-conclude-republican-presiden
TOS has now spent more column space on Russia fever dreams than they have on FISA renewal and the American backed starvation of Yemen, combined. ENB really wants that WaPo job.
Let’s just say it: TOS is Salon-lite. There is nothing remotely libertarian about it, except when the print Stossel and 2-Chili. Everything else is progtardism warmed over.
I have been saying that for a while. It started a long time before our migration here but it only got worse after. When Trump won the nomination they just kicked the door right off of the closet.
I think it’s unfair to call them progressives, though. They are more like Clintonian neoliberalism. They’re all for liberal immigration and managed trade, but could care less about reducing the size and scope of the state.
There is a fairly heavy dose of progressivism there. They are also a bit intellectually dishonest. Not all of them but some. In any case they are decidedly not solid fans of liberty.
I really don’t think anyone considers them libertarian anymore. I see more libertarian commentators either trashing them or ignoring them.
Even Welch has gotten pretty terrible. The Fifth Column podcast can basically be described as “a neoliberal, a libertarian, and Moynihan discuss the news of the day”. Kmele is the only reason to listen anymore.
I was about to have an aneurysm from the comments until i ran across this gem:
I honestly went on the site (for the first time in a while) to see if there were any articles critical of the removal of Tillerson, who was more of a realist in terms of foreign policy than the more hawkish Pompeo. Welch wrote something up about it, but it was pretty weak sauce. Then I saw the ENB piece, which is just embarrassing for her.
To their credit, no one in the comment section is buying the narrative apparently, beyond Tony. ENB desperately wants that job at WaPo
I’m trying to figure out if appointing a general as top diplomat would be more hawkish than appointing a spymaster.
Well, Colin Powell was the least hawkish guy of the GWB admin.
And pushed a foreign policy that leads to perpetual war in shithole places.
??
He was the guy who got put on the outs because he wasn’t full on board with the nation building thing.
“You break it, you bought it”
GWB would have been a lot better off going with him over Rummy and Cheney.
How many of the critics now complaining about Tillerson’s removal, as if cabinet changes were unprecedented prior to Trump, previously delighted in reporting about Tillerson’s incompetence and the department’s dysfunction?
Oh no doubt. Someone already went through all the media outlets that were saying that Tillerson was too close to Russia during his confirmation and now those same outlets are saying that Tillerson is being fired because he is too tough on Russia. Heads, I win, tails, you lose- that pretty much sums up the whole Russia narrative
To their credit, TOS was not critical of Tillerson’s nomination
OT: our boss got back from his Eye-talian vacation and brought us all little wooden penny whistles. Surely he means for us to toot them all day long in the cube farm, yes?
Also. Motherfucking Vikings.
I can’t wait to see Kirk with a defense.
I don’t like these temporary QBs the Vikings love to sign. Like, WTF do they need with a new QB, and an old one? The teams that do well in the long term have young QBs that they bring up and make successful.
I can’t wait to see the freakout when he blows his knee in first OTS with team and they’re on the hook for a three year guaranteed contract…. (I kid, I kid. Go Lions!)
One can only hope. Then they can bring in Bridgewater and we can have done with Cousins.
Same, what did you think of the Richardson signing?
Love it, he was the guy I wanted to replace Pryor. Same cap hit as Pryor last year, and hes an actual WR.
Of course, Alex Smith will just ignore him to check it down repeatedly, but can’t have everything.
Wait, you thought there was any chance Cousins was coming back to Washington?
I don’t give two shits what the Skins do, and have no knowledge of the odds of Cousins continuing in DC.
Surely he means for us to toot them all day long in the cube farm, yes?
That would be the logical conclusion, yes, but someone who buys all of his employees penny whistles may not be the most logical character and so may not be amenable to it.
Rekt.
https://amgreatness.com/2018/03/13/hillary-clinton-pride-of-radcliffe/
That was almost as beautiful as some of the Chive links.
Wow, some of those Russian bots have some writing skills.
But, but, she traveled more miles than any previous SoS!*
*Actual reason provided by some liberals to vote for her.
That’s like people in the workplace who tout number of meetings held as a measure of productivity. No, no it’s not. If anything, the inverse is closer to the truth.
https://despair.com/collections/demotivators/products/meetings
Boy. Some qualification resume she’s got going there.
I wouldn’t even let her run Arkham.
Hugo Strange is far more qualified.
So’s the Joker.
Fuck. Even Herbert West, Reanimator is better qualified.
… he has a lower body count too.
The State Dept web site still has Tillerson, but his photo had been pulled off the wall at my agency by 9:30am. Gubmint is silly.
“Content updates happen during the update window after completion of the change control and approval process. Unauthorized changes to content will result in revocation of access to make updates.”
I had no idea we had someone with the state department on this message board
*note to self, never criticize American foreign policy on here anymore*
Formerly…the agency I’m with now is tangentially associated with State. We have Foreign Service working here because we work in Embassies & missions.
Thank you for your service
*that’s right, say something nice so you don’t end up on one of those lists*
ps: I’m just messing around, Kristen
Too late!
We are all on a list.
Yeah… when they put Tulpa on the list all his sock puppets were automatically enrolled.
Don’t worry, it’s a government database – the only people who can see it are those who don’t need the information.
Well, and the Chinese.
Pfft. Losers. A real apparatchik would have his photo airbrushed out and just display the empty wall and flags.
Maybe some creative imagery would be in order. Pompeo photoshopped as one of the spies in Spy vs Spy.
This is why personnel should be RiFed just before 5PM.
You have the whole evening to handle all the memory-hole stuff before the Outer Party come in the next day.
I try to manage my sobriety in the evening. Tonight I intend to manage it with a bottle of St. Feuillien Tripel.
The poop email is a masterpiece of {{{Herc}}} proportions
Beard care sounds so millennial.
You sound like someone who has trouble growing facial hair.
He’s questioning your manhood, Rufus!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
If only he knew.
And I’m Gen X. Gen X are beasts compared to millennials.
But what about us “xellenials”? *gag*
Sounds like someone just needs to come out of the closet and tell that poor woman the truth.
*Previously on Laverne and Shirley*
Laverne: I’m so upset, Shirley. I went upstairs and Squiggy microagressed against me.
Shirley: What? What did he do?
Laverne: He said that I looked cute in my new top. I wanted to slap him
Shirley: But, you love that top. You were happy when that cute guy from the bowling alley said you looked cute in it
Laverne: I’m contacting his employer right now to complain that they employee a misogynist
Shirley: Woah there. Are you sure that that’s fair?
Laverne: He’s lucky I didn’t do this before when he cracked that joke about me making him a sandwich
Shirley: Yeah, I’m sorry, but you sound like a vapid idiot right now. Squiggy only repeated that joke about making him a sandwich after overhearing the cute guy from the bowling alley making the same joke at your expense. Don’t you remember?
Laverne: Yeah, I remember. But, modern feminism is very inconsistent in applying its principles.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJzF8_df1R8
Laverne always seemed like the more based one. Guess I was wrong.
lol. As I read this it felt like this was something Shirley would do.
Laverne was the blonde. The parody is also a blonde, so it made sense to me
Lenny and Squiggy were the best.
Squiggy has MS and was working for free as a baseball scout, the last I heard.
Looks like he’s still doing voice work as well. Most recently for SpongeBob SquarePants
I think you need to work Carmine into the L&S episodes.
Adoption: worth it or not?
Looking for something in a 17 year old Vietnamese girl?
…phrasing.
Not sure if I’ll find it, but it sure is fun trying to dig it out.
I haven’t adopted a child, yet, but we plan to. Not to sound lame, but it’s one of the most beautiful things an individual could do for another.
Not prying, but do you have any bio-kids? Do you worry that an adoptee would feel out of place?
Feel free to tell me to fuck off.
That’s a fair question and something that we’ve thought about. I think it depends on how old they are when you adopt them. I’m no expert on kids, but I think, for the most part, if you show them that you love them growing-up and instill the importance of family on them they’ll never feel out of place. Just my hunch
Please don’t leave invitations for responses like that when Q’s around. We could lose that ‘Family Friendly’ badge.
#6’s adopted daughter.
https://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/flbp-big-boobed-girls-25.jpg?quality=85&strip=info&w=499
It is if you’re looking to adopt.
Totally worth it, I would say, *provided* you get the right kid(s).
Sadly, a lot of kids are broken in some or many ways, and while I think it’s natural to believe that creating the right home environment for them will work miracles, sometimes, doing everything you can just isn’t enough.
We haven’t, but I know a lot of adoptive parents, and there’s a small, but not zero, minority who have had one hell of a terrible time. The older the adoptee, the more of a challenge it is.
I’m curious why you ask.
Is there a Mrs. Q?
Just stirring up trouble.
We raised or partially raised three that were not our biological children. One was a tremendous success though she has some difficulty with depression these days. One, not so much a success. The last at least turned out normal.
We are empty nesters now and I want to stay that way. Peace and quiet are my friends. My time being my own is my best friend.
We adopted a little girl who is exactly 6 months younger than our biological daughter. They mostly get along great, but have occasional squabbles (like most siblings). She was our foster kid for about 10 months before we adopted her. Quietest baby I have every seen – now she won’t shut up. She’s 16 now, dresses provocatively, sings beautifully, can talk to most anybody.
Definitely worth it but also a lot of work.
“60 minutes crew goes to Sweden to prove that Muslim refugees are peaceful and harmless. Then they get attacked by the Muslims”
its hard to take any of this stuff seriously, but its still funny
on one hand, the right often wildly exaggerates the situation of “migrant non-assimilation” and “muslim crime” etc. in europe
on the other hand, the left desperately pretends there is no problem whatsoever and that every problem is a right-wing invention, when in fact a lot of the problems are genuine
the truth is always somewhere in-between, but will never really be seen because of how badly each side tries to distort it for their own benefit.
“the truth is always somewhere in-between, but will never really be seen because of how badly each side tries to distort it for their own benefit”
A-fucking-men.
Gilmore, I got a little snippy with you yesterday after you challenged my hyperbole about how the UK Russia incident would result in a conflict between the US and Russia. I apologize for being flippant.
What do you believe the response will be, since the UK has stated that they view the attack as a direct attack from Russia on the UK?
Are you familiar with Brave Sir Robin?
He ran away!
Exchange of harsh words, expulsion of select Russian diplomats, additional sanctions targeting those close to Vlad, all to be relaxed 8-10 months later.
We don’t live in July 1914. Turkey shot down a Russian plane, and a Turkish cop killed the Russian ambassador, yet no WW3 with NATO.
Because Russian war with Turkey would trigger a NATO response and why would Russia instigate Turkey when they can play them against their NATO allies who are unhappy with them? Russia would never make the first overt attack first.
And no one is talking about a direct conflict, but rather a stepped up involvement in our already engaged proxy wars in Syria and Ukraine. This isn’t 2014, the West’s elites are using the Russian bogeyman as an excuse for their citizens losing faith in their governance
If US steps up involvement in either of those, UK will not be any part of the reason why, dead spies or no dead spies.
Putin basically murdered a man to remind anyone who thinks of being disloyal what may happen to them, to humiliate the UK (and by extension US) government as being unable to protect their sources (or their populations – he didn’t murder them at home, he did it in a public place), and to show his population he can teabag The West so vote Putin!
If US were to cack Snowden, it wouldn’t affect Russian calculations in Syria or Iraq one bit. They’d also scream and posture while Trump stood there and said “yeah, prove it. More likely he died from bad vodka and Krokodil.”
What? I mean, you do recall that the Russians definitely killed Alexander Litvinenko in the UK and they basically just expelled people. Now they are issuing a direct threat, because it is beneficial that Russia remain the bogeyman for Western elites.
And I think this does effect our posture in Syria and Ukraine. Trump has been reluctant about using troops to oust Assad in Syria, but the pressure from the foreign policy establishment is going to use this as another example as to why we need to blacken the eye of Russia. Remember, also that Trump originally didn’t want to arm Ukraine, but relented. Are we really going to pretend like the whole Russia fever dreams has nothing to do with forcing Trump’s hand to continue our engagement in these proxy wars?
Scooters for the elderly appear to have a lot more horsepower in Sweden.
Ban assault rascals!
They need the extra power ‘cos they’re on snowchains.
exactly how old is that video? i watched it several months (a year?) ago.
“CBS News President David Rhodes today provided an update on 60 Minutes‘ interview with Stormy Daniels[…]’there’s still a lot of reporting to do’”
http://deadline.com/2018/03/david-rhodes-stormy-daniels-interview-donald-trump-60-minutes-cbs-intv-1202336705/
Yes, *lots* of reporting to do; Stormy’s favorite position, who she enjoys “working with” the most, advanced oral techniques and how to give maximum beaver visibility while getting drilled.
I imagine a bunch of pervy beta journos doing lots of “research” about Stormy throughout this circus.
i’m guessing their legal team won’t let them proceed without 100% ironclad certainty CBS won’t be party to Stormy breaking her NDA and sued into oblivion.
Oh, so shopping for a friendly judge that’ll allow it on the grounds of public interest, like the one that released Jeri Ryan’s divorce records?
Why is this a story? A flamboyant, rich playboy nails porn actress. So what? Their desperation is reaching epic levels.
Trump + porn = ratings?
If they keep harping on it, Jesus Freaks will abandon Trump and sit it out like they did for The Mormon Hitler*?
Melania will give him the cold shoulder, which will discomfort him?
RAPE CULTURE!!!! ?
*disparaging terms are my perception of US media, not my own. I prefer “schismatics” and “retarded 50s TV dad” respectively.
We all know that Trump definitely did this, right?
Gee. I hope if I ever get prosecuted for shooting someone, the whole thing goes down like this.
Plus, who puts her own son in jeopardy and “deputizes” him as a peace officer?
Ever meet any ‘bail agents’?
Not professionally, and probably not socially.
So she was going to be out $35k if he jumped bail so she shot him to make sure she didn’t lose the money?
Kind of a scary looking guy and we dont know what he was doing off-camera.
Entry wound in the guy’s back is a wee bit of a problem when arguing self-defense though.
I’m gonna reveal my huwhite law-abidingness here, but if the now dead defendant went to Florida, he’d have fled the jurisdiction and the bond would have been forfeit, right?
So, he returns to Oklahoma, and his bail agent decides to take it into her own hands to ensure that the defendant can no longer flee, presumably to deliver him to law enforcement so she can recover the bail, and leave the defendant in jail on remand. Her intent to detain him seems to have been clear, because of the plan to pretend to buy his car.
Why wouldn’t she have just had a police office in the building, ready to detain the defendant when he arrived, presumably at far less risk to anyone (other than neighboring dogs)?
Who knew Steve Smith had a Canadian Cousin
http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/canadian-trapper-survives-brutal-sexual-assault-by-200-pound-beaver/
That’s a lot of beaver.
Cue Primus.
Probably a pet, it’s only 200 pounds.
We are eaten up with beavers, curse them, and ours are big but….200 lbs? Jesus.
Pretty sure beavers don’t get nearly that big. The intertoobz tell me 100 pounds is possible, but rare.
For adolescent lulz, Binging “beaver biology” brings up some funny website names.
Roanoke, VA: City government fires social worker for having a CCW permit.
Oops, it turns out there may be other issues.
Maybe, or those could just be CYA stories of the progressive hive driving out the unbeliever
No PM Links?
Looks like a DIY day.