What’s the best piece(s) of advice you’ve ever received?
I’ll start. I have four, which, when taken together, pretty much sum up my entire approach to life.
-
1. Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.
2. Keep it in perspective; this too shall pass. (This is the one I have trouble with.)
3. The graveyard is full of indispensable people. (Used by my paternal grandmother whenever we were getting “high and mighty.”)
4. You never know what someone is going through. Be kind.
Your turn.
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558 responses to “Life Advice”
Live within your means.
Get your shit done.
If you are not willing to save up to buy something you feel you really need, you don’t really need it as much as you believe you do…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJKythlXAIY
Just doing the work takes less time than procrastinating
(I still wish I pay attention to this more)
Great, and too often ignored, advice.
You still have time UCS. Pay attention to it later.
*narrows gaze*
You keep doing that and your face will freeze like that. – My mother.
*applauds*
“don’t bother with formatting, you’ll just fuck it up.”
–Albert Einstein
My sister and I noticed years ago that really snotty girls all have the same face and then we realized—their faces did freeze like that.
“I act as if I believe”
Heh. A college professor once told me “I don’t know if there is a God. I do know that I’m a better person when I act like I know there is.” He was a very, very wise man. He also owned 14 blue suits, 14 red ties, and 14 pairs of grey socks, and went to the laundry mat once every week. I learned a lot from this man.
He also had a lazy eye from when a lawn mower threw a rock in his face. First day of intro to engineering class, he would ask a question, watch the hands go up, and nod at two people simultaneously. They’d both start to answer over top of each other, and he’d laugh and laugh. It was a great practical joke.
Why not once every two weeks?
to maintain 100% redundancy
Never say something face-to-face to somebody that you wouldn’t say to Mike Tyson (I guess today Conor MacGregor would be a good substitute).
If you’re wondering whether you are being nasty or condescending, this rule will help. If you never wonder about that, you’re probably an asshole.
I moderate my content based upon who I’m addressing – some people are more laid back and can take a joke. I’ve never met ear-biter Tyson, so I can’t say what his threshold is for losing his shit.
Yeah, sure. I’m talking about interactions with people you don’t know. My immediate office-neighbors know that my default state is snarky asshole and they usually think I’m pretty funny, so I can let rip with them. When I’m sending a note out to all faculty, I spend more time editing than writing.
“When I’m sending a note out to all faculty, I spend more time editing than writing.”
I’ve seen some pretty hilarious stuff from people who didn’t follow that method. Funny to me, not at all to them. If I ever get an email that makes me want to immediately throttle the person, I close that email and go back later to re-read it and form a response.
I’ve never had a real job, so I don’t know if this is the case in the productive sector, but here in the ivory tower every message from administration is carefully parsed for secret messages, hidden meanings, etc. I learned this a long time ago, fortunately at not too great a cost.
I write a lot of responses that I sit on for a while before sending. Usually I just end up deleting them.
Oh yeah, another great piece of advice I received a long time ago: Shut. Up.
I’ve worked in both the productive sector and the academic realm. I’ve learned that caution is always the best policy, no matter where you are. I’ve seen people highly embarrassed over email snafus and fired over email snafus, in particular accidental reply to all emails. Probably the craziest one was when this obese manager had apparently ran all of the way from his office, which was a long ways from IT offices, burst through the door, red faced and barely able to speak, then panting like a dog, blurted out ‘Can you stop an email that has already been sent?’. Our network admin looks up, says ‘nope’. The look on that poor guy’s face, I never forgot.
The best are the people that reply-all to a company-wide e-mail, “Please take me off this mailing list.”
This is my standard go-to when people start hitting Reply All.
Then there are the people who actually should be doing a reply all, but choose not to, obviously thinking that now everyone won’t know what they just said. I just reply to them with everyone included again, so they look silly. Still doesn’t deter them, always the same few people who do that.
I saw Mike Tyson once when I was out with friends in Vegas. We debated whether suing him for assaulting you would be worth being put in a coma.
I’m pretty sure Tyson can still kick my ass. No need to adjust for the times.
But then… he got high…
2. Keep it in perspective; this too shall pass. (This is the one I have trouble with.)
I worked with a guy who would, in time of crisis, say: “Well, if that’s the worst thing that happens to you today, you’ll probably pull through.”
It didn’t always help.
Hear hear man…
“The hook will catch the wire.” Basically, things will work out. Took it from the 1992 Tom Selleck movie Folks!
1. Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.
I approach that one from the other side.
“Expect the worst. Maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised. If not, you can take satisfaction in the accuracy of your prediction.”
“Expect the worst”
I do that one also.
Great list SP. I’ll add pay yourself first.
I’ve heard that, but every time I hear about someone’s trevails starting a business, it’s usually “It was # years before I could afford to cut myself a paycheck.”
I’m self-employed so I know what that’s like. Once you are over the hump then you implement it. If you aren’t getting over the hump then you need to figure out what you need to change.
The only reason I will be able to retire in another ten to fifteen years is because I took this advice. The 401k gets funded every paycheck. In good years the profit sharing plan gets funded. Only when it’s maxed out do I see any additional cash. Some years that happens and some years it doesn’t.
That was my grandmother’s mantra. The only item in their lifetime they didn’t pay cash for was their house. And they paid that off years early.
Give people an out.
That’s an important and oft over-looked one.
People need a face-saving way to drop it and move on.
Concur, this one is pretty handy.
All that I can tell you is that I received all of it at a much younger age, therefore I didn’t take any of it because I was already the smartest human on earth. Looking back, I should have taken most if not all of it.
Sound familiar to anyone else?
#metoo
Yeah. I didn’t pay attention to good advice until I was 25 or so.
Lower your expectations.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
Reeeeeeeee!!!!!
Just doing the work takes less time than procrastinating
“Fuck it. This will all still be here tomorrow.”
Go back to college.
Nope that’s the worst piece of advice I ever paid attention to.
Spend less than you make.
Best one I’ve taken to heart.
“Nothing that ever happens to you is bad; what’s bad is your perspective.”
“How can you expect great results with poor effort?”
“Comparing yourself to others is the expressway to misery.”
“Just because she looks clean doesn’t mean she is. Wrap it up.”
“Memento mori.”
“You’re never as good as you think you are when you’re doing well, and you’re never as bad as you think you are when you’re doing poorly.”
(adapted from sports, but works well in life)
“Karma’s a bitch”
“Illegitimi non carborundum”
(I suspect many people here adopted this)
“Realize that worrying about the worst thing that could happen is often worse than the worst thing that could happen.”
I worry that I worry too much.
I’m starting to worry about me worrying about you worrying too much.
I’m … still working on parsing that but much simpler piece of advice that I read about worrying stuck with me: “realize that the vast majority of the things you worry about never come to pass.” I think it was particularly in the context of health concerns, at least that’s the context in which I always recall it.
Don’t let the bastards grind you down.
Like “The Handmaiden’s Tale”? /jk
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
Tried posting this on last thread, but it was foiled by the squirrel onslaught they tried to call an upgrade.
Bird legs mentally disturbed over fact that Trump not mentally disturbed
It’s not necessarily advice I ever got from anyone, but stuff I have figured out on my own-
Never allow yourself to get to high or low about things. Moderate your reaction to events that affect your life. It’s never as good or as bad as you think.
Learn how to fix things things yourself.
Don’t lie. It never works out.
“Never allow yourself to get to high or low about things. Moderate your reaction to events that affect your life. It’s never as good or as bad as you think.”
But what if I decide to identify as a woman? How’s that going to work? Stop mansplaining!
“Never allow yourself to get to high”
Whatever.
*tokes bong*
“Don’t say, all we have to do… Because it will never be all you have to do.”
“Keep it straight.”
I have to say, I have gotten more bad advice from otherwise well intentioned people than good.
Never borrow money for something that doesn’t make you money.
Excellent.
And I would add as a matter of sound manners and relationship maintenance –
Never make assumptions about another man’s money.
Not exactly advice, but wise words given to me when I was new on the job (in early 20s) and couldn’t understand why one guy treated me like a mortal enemy from the beginning, no matter what nice things I did and said. I couldn’t figure out what I’d done to get on his bad side, and then an old crusty master technician took the cigarette out of his mouth, looked me right in the eyes over his bifocals and said,
“Some people are just assholes.”
That simple statement helped a lot and has saved me the trouble of wasting effort and time with certain unhappy people who are determined to stay unhappy.
Reminds me of an old quote by the author William Gibson – (pardon if I’ve mangled it)
“Before you think yourself crazy, make sure that, in fact, you are not surrounded by assholes.”
Yes. A crusty old Swede once told me “people are shit”. He’s largely right.
I like that guy, he speaks the truth.
Yep.
I think the answer to that, most of the time, will be that the person feels threatened by you in some way. Like you might get a promotion over them or something.
“Work harder, get another job.” – Tim Horton, former NHL star and donut shop emprasario.
“Walk softly and carry a big stick.” – My grandfather.
“Never hit a woman. No matter how crazy they get, no matter how much they taunt you or drive you nuts, if it’s not working, just walk away.
And if it is working, always use a condom.” – My old man.
“If it flies, floats, or fucks, lease it.” My Uncle Chris
“Be on time, and be first in line.” – My old boss Scott Paddock
“Of friends, have many, and enemies, few;
Always paddle your own canoe.” – My grandmother
““Of friends, have many, and enemies, few;
Always paddle your own canoe.” – My grandmother”
Was this some sort of euphemism for.. never mind..
Correction –
Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.
Goddamn memory failures.
Quit crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.
Pick up your toys, or I’ll give you something to cry about.
Quit bothering your sister, or I’ll give you something to cry about.
Get a job, or I’ll give you something to cry about.
Ah, the good old days, man I miss them.
“Quit crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
I can’t even remember how many times I’ve heard that one. And they’d make good on that promise every time.
I see a pattern..
I remember hearing some of that when I was growing up.
Didn’t know my father was on here.
My grandfather told me to not smoke, drink, or chase the female of the species until I had turned 13….
Best grandpa ever.
What about sheep?
Ewe.
Your grandfather sounds like a wise man.
…or a wise guy, both seem to fit.
The man had a wicked sense of humor and a unique take on life. Lived to be 99 and smoked filterless camels and drank like a madman, but in general was a decent man and according to my dad a decent father. It is funny that other than one attempt to smoke with my brother at the age of 14 (I followed that advice) I never smoked. And I started drinking quite late – after I was 19 and because of peer pressure – in life which gave my Italian dad a heart attack. I did start earlier with the women thing, but that was thanks to a baby sitter. I often get asked if that experience traumatized me, and my answer usually is having to wait 4 years to get it again after she was caught (she was the older daughter of my mom’s best friend) and no longer allowed to baby sit for us, was hell.
Never loan money to friends or family.
That’s kind of a big one.
^^^This guy gets it.
Agreed.
Yeah, I will never get that money back.
Family gets gifts, not loans.
It’s not a gift, they just have forever to pay you back, which they’ll always be going to do anytime now.
Perhaps a better way to say it is-
Don’t loan money to family or friends you wish to keep with any expectation of every getting it back.
My mother loaned money to a friend and never saw her again, she says it wasn’t cheap. but it was worth it.
Yeah I turned down a friend for a $1k loan to help save her BF’s house from the bank. It’s not my fault he wasn’t making the mortgage payments; nor did I want to save his ass for his own stupidity.
If she has asked me to help her get an apartment or even for help on a down payment for _her_ place, my answer may have been different. I wouldn’t expect to get the $$ back but at least it would have been a positive thing to help her out.
Last time a family member was going to ask me for something, he started with ‘I never ask you for anything, do I?’. To which I responded ‘Nope, so don’t start now’. That was the end of that.
Yes. That is sage advice.
Every day above ground is a pretty damn good day.
/misses Gramps
My dad always says, when asked ‘how are you?’’,
“Well, I’m on the right side of the grass.”
Lol. I love that.
Don’t worry, Ice Cube will release a new album eventually.
+1 AK
Go to the gym and get in shape
And as anticlimactic as it mau seem your hair looks like shit amd tou buy your shirts to lomg amd ypur clothes in general to baggy
And don’t type stuff on the internet using your smartphone. (:
I’m in sartorial limbo between 32 waistline (where I want to get back to) and 36 (where I was). Nothing fits well.
Thin bastard.
30″ hehe
I’ve made it from a 38 to 34 waist. I still have 20-25 lbs to lose, but I don’t think I’d ever be back to a 30″ waist. I think 32 is attainable though. Fortunately, I gained the weight over a couple decades and I kept all the clothes that are now too small, some of them are like new or maybe even never worn. I can wear both 34 and 36 jeans now, but all the 38s are now too big and I’ve given those away because I never want to be back there again.
Burn any clothes you have from the 70s or 80s brah…
I don’t have anything that old. The oldest stuff would be my 32 waist pants from the 90s. I think I’ll be able to wear those again in couple/few months. I’ll still need to buy new, just not as much because some of those look never worn or barely worn. I got up to 34 and stayed there for a long time, then hit 36 for quite a while and then just ballooned up to 38. Then I got to where I’m starting to think I need to buy 40 waist. That was when I decided to do something.
32′ waist, 50 in pant legs, amiright?
32′ waist is mighty big.
Nah, we’re just talking penis length there, my man.
I’ve never been below 34. I was working a chainsaw for 6 hours a day and looked emaciated, but was still a 34 waist. Now I’m at 42, and I’m not particularly happy about it. Hopefully glibfit helps me return to the 30s before I turn 30.
I wore a 32 waist when I was in college; just ordered a pair of 33 jeans versus my recent 34 – so I’m feeling happy about that.
I was wearing 30 waist right out of high school. I also only weighed 150 lbs. Then I gained more weight, but not fat and started wearing 32 waist at about 175 lbs, which is probably close to my perfect adult weight. Right now, I’m at 198 lbs, down from 230. But I am really feeling that loss of 32 lbs, what a difference, I was one fat fuck, I never want to feel like that again, or die of a heart attack or get diabetes.
I was 195 in a 32 in high school.
I got up to 225 amd a 36 about a year ago. I’m down to 200 and 34. I’d like to drop another ten.
I think you’re taller than me. I’m sure I won’t get into a 32 waist until I’m down to 180 or so. I was maybe 185 last time I was wearing a 32, but I worked out a lot, so had more muscle weight than I do now.
I’m a little over 6 1. Unless I start playing football again I will never be 195 with a 32 inch waist. I’d be happy at 190 and a 34.
I had a 28 waist in high school but had to wear 32 pants that had the waist reduced because of the size of my thigh muscles. Marriage messed me up and I ended up all the way up to a 48 before I dropped back to a 34 where I have been for a long time now. Wish I could get down from 190 to 180, but considering my weight is muscle mostly, I would need surgery to get rid of other body parts to make it so.
Just how short are you guys?
New phone new keyboard on the subway but damn that is crap.
I read it with a Hawaiian accent – sounded cool.
You can’t IWB with skinny jeans.
That may be true, but you can certainly IWB with slim fit jeans.
Be the person you want your kids to be.
Be the person your dog thinks you are.
The alpha dog?
Beats the hell out of me. I saw it on a bumper sticker.
Be the dog your kids always wanted?
Use the state to force other people to be the change you want to see in the world.
-Proggie
…this too shall pass.
Yeah, Brooksie, that’s an important one. And really fucking hard to live by.
Don’t let society pigeonhole you into a position you don’t want because you were too lazy to educate yourself or adapt to a changing world.
This one isn’t a saying, but when my kids get whiney and say it’s too hard or life isn’t fair…I put on Band of Brothers “Bastogne” and make them watch that for perspective of there enormous benefit of the world they are growing up in today.
You should make your kids read some Solzhenitsyn. That puts things in perspective in a hurry.
Be careful what you say, especially when angry, because you can never unsay it.
Business-wise:
When things are going well, double-down on your selling and saving. It won’t last.
“The fact that the president appears to be according to the doctor, healthy, worries me because if he wasn’t healthy, that would be a great excuse for this behavior,” Brzezinski lamented. “Now he has none. Which you can then deduce other things that are far more nefarious and frightening.”
Don’t worry, Mika. We make allowances for you on account of you’re a retard.
Take care of your tools and your tools will take care of you.
Do everything possible to avoid a fight. Once you have done all you can do to avoid fighting, but they are still coming after you, punch them until your arm falls off then pick it up with your other arm and keep going. Uncle Dave
Don’t do anything half assed. – Dad
Excuses are like assholes, everyone has one. -Dad
You’re a smart kid and you can do anything you want if you work hard. If you can’t do it you haven’t worked hard enough. – Dad
“Excuses are not like assholes. You cant cram your dick in an excuse.” -Tucker Max
Yeah? Watch me try…
*unzips*
*Holds HM’s beer, starts ‘record’ on phone camera*
This is not going to end well…
Is Swiss recording vertically?
via selfie stick.
*narrows gaze*
Nothing heals like time. Man is that one ever true.
Yup. I’ve been reminding myself of that a lot lately.
In seriousness, the best piece of advice, more reassurance, really, was dad telling me, “It gets easier. I don’t know why, but it does.” Admittedly not a whole lot of actionable stuff to go on there, but it’s at least been something comforting to take to heart.
Keep your trunnions oiled.
Excellent euphemism.
“Charlie dont surf!”
Once, when I was in a spot of trouble in NYC, my (((attorney))) asked me a detail about my misbehaviour, and I offered a wishy-washy answer. He looked me in the eye and said, “Son, listen to me carefully. Never lie to your lawyer. And never, ever, lie to your doctor. We’re the 2 people you’re paying to help save your ass.”
That, and I think OMWC once typed out, “a joy shared is doubled, a sorrow shared in halved”. I had some close friends deal with loss over the past few months, and Ive used that.
“Don’t think -or speak- in absolutes”
In other words; avoid words like always, never, everyone, etc… Phrases -and thoughts- that contain those words are seldom correct
Never speak in absolutes?
Only the Sith think in absolutes.
NEVER!
Everyone should always never speak in absolutes.
got it.
That is definitely true.
Only rich people and dumb people buy new cars. (My dad was a car dealer)
Ha! I got the same advice, with a bit less flavor, posted below before I saw this.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
Pull back to go up, pull back more to go down quickly.
+1 stall
Never sneeze when you’re hiding.
Never sneeze when you are holding in a shart?
^This^
/Al Roker
Never piss on a chicken if it’s raining.
Ok, I admit, I’ve never heard anyone say that.
I am too drunk to fuck this chicken
-My little brother
For the modern age. Don’t text naked pictures of yourself.
*hits send*
Wait – what?
Or, if you do text naked pictures of yourself, saturate an area and make sure everyone has a naked picture of you. Then the shock value is gone.
See, ^that’s^ the kind of pragmatic advice that people can really use.
Nobody ever blackmailed a porn star with naked pictures of him.
Associate with people who are likely to improve you. – Seneca
It is difficulties that show what men are. – Epictetus
First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do. – Epictetus
Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect. – Marcus Aurelius
The best revenge is not to be like your enemy. – Marcus Aurelius
Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one. – Marcus Aurelius
Stoic much?
Only in moderation.
A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.
A bush in the hand, however, can be a lot of fun.
Depends on whether that bush is clean or has VD…
If you want to run for President someday, maybe avoid being online friends with an attention-seeking, bleached-blond, vegan stripper.
https://nypost.com/2013/09/26/bookers-e-flirt-with-raunchy-stripper/
“The lusty Lee works at a go-go hall in Portland called Casa Diablo, which bills itself as the world’s first vegan strip club, since the dishes on their bar menu are all meat-free.”
Wait a second..
All the chicks are in a coma so they can be counted as veggies?
/bad joke
I think he’s pretending to be straight so he can run for President.
But if the Democrats can run a gay black dude, what is better than that? A black lesbian transvestite muslim?
He may think he already has the right number of boxes checked off.
A square’s love is different than a pimp’s love….
No matter what trouble you find yourself in, money can almost always get you out of it. – my dad
For realz..
“Big Ern” concurs:
https://youtu.be/fR8D_Vty9F0?t=103
Don’t talk to the police. Just don’t do it. Nothing good and all kinds of bad can come out of it.
-My advice to anyone.
I actually had a lawyer explain to me that even though you are perfectly innocent and willing to help, even if there is no malice on their part, the police, looking to lay blame for whatever they are working on, may decide you are the culprit on a whim, and hence, talking to them without a lawyer or a means of having your own recordings of what was said or done, is a danger.
Or they might just shoot you if your cell phone looks like a gun to them, or whatever.
Not even necessary anymore. Just reach towards your waistband.
Or make a sudden movement of any kind, or just stand there doing nothing while they shout conflicting orders at you. It’s best you keep as far away from them as possible, at all times.
Not even crawling on the floor begging for mercy will save you from being shot, and the cop from walking away with no more punishment that an extended paid vacation.
I watched this year’s ago. It’s long, but well worth the listen.
https://youtu.be/d-7o9xYp7eE
Yes! i thought that might be the one, great advise
It really is very good. When my boy grows up a little bit more I’m gonna make him watch it.
“I like the Whopper, fuck the Big Mac” -Rob Base
1) Life is fragile and short, enjoy the time you have and choose the people you spend it with carefully.
2) Never trust a big butt and a smile.
2) Never trust a big butt and a smile.
I think HM would like a word….
3) That gorgeous Thai girl just might be a gorgeous Thai boy.
Corollary to 2)
2a) ALWAYS trust big tits and a smile.
Second Corollary to 2)
2b) Smile is optional.
Do or don’t, never try
Think Do Be
Lead, Follow or Get out of the way!
Those who refuse to follow are doomed to lead. – Flavor text from “Anarchist”, 9th edition MtG
That is excellent.
Details matter
Never assume they see your contribution
Put on a good show, and fate will smile on you
There’s nothing to this business but sales and delivery
Most of being successful is showing up and doing the work
You’ll only get rich if you provide value to other people.
There is no cause so right that one cannot find a fool following it. — Larry Niven
TANSTAAFL !
Don’t ask other people to live for your sake.
My Czech office-mate shared with me some Czech wisdom just this morning:
You can’t start a fire with wet children.
I think we can all agree that those a words to live by.
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman” -William Jefferson “Meathammer” Clinton
Great topic, loved reading all these.
Most of my personal “rules to live by” weren’t given to me as advice per se, they’re just things I figured out along the way (in many cases by learning from others as well as from experience). The one learning I would add beyond the ones already stated by many of you is:
Nobody owes you a job, a promotion, or a raise. You have to get out there and earn it by delivering value that someone is willing to pay for, every single day.
The best piece of actual “advice” I was given was by my dad, who told me when I was 18 that buying new cars is a great way to keep yourself broke.
Kinda disappointed that nobody has offered up “you didn’t build that” yet.
You didn’t advise that.
*narrows gaze*
Thank you, I can now exit the thread as a satisfied customer.
Only rich people and dumb people buy new cars. (My dad was a car dealer)
No doctor ever got a new Jaguar by saying, “Get out of my office. There’s nothing wrong with you.”
A related one:
Not responsible for advice not taken.
If you ask me for advice, I give it, then you do something else, I am not responsible for the results.
That one also comes from Niven, but has come up a ton in my life.
I have also heard Dave Ramsey use it, in a different form.
Right when I got commissioned, I read this:
At first I thought this was the date of your commission.
*flashes Swissy a shit-eating grin*
*also flashes his Get Out of Cat-butt Free” card.
Excellent advice Swiss.
“Don’t call me “sir”. I work for a living.” -Drill Sergeant
“Sorry, sir. But I don’t salute anyone below O-4 before 0900.” -3ACR SGM to a 2LT when he blatantly ignored him.
I always hated that one. When I was a Major during my deployments, I worked harder than my Fobbit NCOs, did back in the office, hiding in the AC.
I am sure the HHC CDR would really have appreciated that happening in front of a bunch of EMs.
AFAICT, IDK WTF those TLAs are.
Then you’re FUBAR
SSDD
+1 BOHICA
FUBAR is what you get when bill Cosby gives you a fudgebar.
HHC = Headquarters and Headquarters Company (the unit that NCO would belong to)
CDR = Commander (in this case an O-3)
EM = Enlisted Men (or more modernly correct “Members”)
3ACR = Third Armored Cavalry Regiment
SGM = Sargent Major (E-9)
Well, being AirCav, we were ‘troops’.
I think Cav and FA with their “batteries” are the only non-Company units.
Got cool Stetsons to wear, tho.
HHC is a dirty word.
He seems to have forgotten it at Cold Harbor, and regretted it ever after.
Don’t do to others what you would rather they not do to you.
I couldn’t decide on which ones I wanted to stick in as favorites, so here.
To be more serious, always set reasonable goals for yourself, and strive towards them.
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women….
Always pick your battles. I credit this with keeping my marriage together. Very few things are worth a battle with the Mrs.
Yeah. My first year if marriage was a bit rocky because I was not following this advice.
I have since learned and so has she. Unless it’s really really important, I’m not gonna fight about it.
Women sometimes like to argue over trivial matters. It’s never worth it.
There is always a reason, whether they admit or even know it, that women choose to argue about trivial shit.
Can’t believe I’m the first to post this one, as it is one of the all time best.
Don’t stick it in crazy.
But I like crazy! ::pouts::
Nothing is more fun than crazy – for a while.
Oh yeah. I’ve been attracted to some bat-shit crazy women but end up running away after a few encounters.
My *final words to one the nude art model: “I can’t give you the help that you need.”
*actually they were “Enjoy that white trash lifestyle of yours.” ::she slams my apartment door and stalks off::
Keep it in your pants
My Mom
I’ve never thought this one was very useful, because what option is there really?
Grade on a curve.
There is a matrix for that
Don’t grade on a curve, it’s unfair to the students.
???
A curve removes the absolute measure of retention of knowledge and reduces it to a relative measure against the random cohort they happened to lump with.
Nevermind, that’s exactly reflective of life. Curse away.
With a large enough class size, the randomness pretty much goes away.
I figure 150 is good enough, which I had plenty of classes that size.
I’ve never seen a class size in the triple digits.
Though if you have large enough classes to have a statistically valid sample size, you don’t need to curve it.
Drop any class with more than 1 Asian.
Yeah, for some women I dated, that’s advice I wish I would have taken.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
From Scott Adams: Goals are for losers, systems are for winners.
And mission statements are for idiots who earned an MBA.
Swiss- have you read Grant’s autobiography? It’s well worth it.
“Life isn’t fair and the world, nor anybody in it, owes you a goddamn thing…get over yourself’ -Dad
About 50% of the people in this country really need beaten about the head with that one.
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” – Mark Twain
Beer
1.5 hours…
If you’re not first, you’re last.
2nd Place is 1st Loser?
+1 Ricky Bobby
Tony Stewart you mean
My brother’s advice about bullies: “Never let anyone push you around or else they will keep on pushing.”
And the next day I took that bully and slammed him into the lockers. He never bothered me again.
It is always a temptation to an armed and agile nation
To call upon a neighbour and to say: —
“We invaded you last night–we are quite prepared to fight,
Unless you pay us cash to go away.”
And that is called asking for Dane-geld,
And the people who ask it explain
That you’ve only to pay ’em the Dane-geld
And then you’ll get rid of the Dane!
It is always a temptation for a rich and lazy nation,
To puff and look important and to say: —
“Though we know we should defeat you, we have not the time to meet you.
We will therefore pay you cash to go away.”
And that is called paying the Dane-geld;
But we’ve proved it again and again,
That if once you have paid him the Dane-geld
You never get rid of the Dane.
It is wrong to put temptation in the path of any nation,
For fear they should succumb and go astray;
So when you are requested to pay up or be molested,
You will find it better policy to say: —
We never pay any-one Dane-geld,
No matter how trifling the cost;
For the end of that game is oppression and shame,
And the nation that pays it is lost!”
Don’t close a breaker on a ground fault
-experience
And make sure the electronic equipment you are working on is unplugged before you start working on it with a soldering iron.
There are old electricians and there are bold electricians. But, there are no old bold electricians
Use a Fuse puller, not your Leatherman, ya moron!
/experience, not mine
It’s better to ask for forgiveness than to beg for permission.
That one’s a classic, which I still find useful to this day.
Very useful in a business context, can be somewhat risky in a personal context.
Yeah, I typically take advantage of that in a business context. ‘Can we do that? Oh hell, let’s do it!’.
More like “Oh, you wanted to talk about that report / email before I the final version? Sorry”
Take no shit, take no prisoners.
But you were raised by such a nice woman.
Catbutts for everyone! Sort em out later!
NO MERCY. NO QUARTER.
How yet resolves the governor of the town?
This is the latest parle we will admit;
Therefore to our best mercy give yourselves;
Or like to men proud of destruction
Defy us to our worst: for, as I am a soldier,
A name that in my thoughts becomes me best,
If I begin the battery once again,
I will not leave the half-achieved Harfleur
Till in her ashes she lie buried.
The gates of mercy shall be all shut up,
And the flesh’d soldier, rough and hard of heart,
In liberty of bloody hand shall range
With conscience wide as hell, mowing like grass
Your fresh-fair virgins and your flowering infants.
What is it then to me, if impious war,
Array’d in flames like to the prince of fiends,
Do, with his smirch’d complexion, all fell feats
Enlink’d to waste and desolation?
What is’t to me, when you yourselves are cause,
If your pure maidens fall into the hand
Of hot and forcing violation?
What rein can hold licentious wickedness
When down the hill he holds his fierce career?
We may as bootless spend our vain command
Upon the enraged soldiers in their spoil
As send precepts to the leviathan
To come ashore. Therefore, you men of Harfleur,
Take pity of your town and of your people,
Whiles yet my soldiers are in my command;
Whiles yet the cool and temperate wind of grace
O’erblows the filthy and contagious clouds
Of heady murder, spoil and villany.
If not, why, in a moment look to see
The blind and bloody soldier with foul hand
Defile the locks of your shrill-shrieking daughters;
Your fathers taken by the silver beards,
And their most reverend heads dash’d to the walls,
Your naked infants spitted upon pikes,
Whiles the mad mothers with their howls confused
Do break the clouds, as did the wives of Jewry
At Herod’s bloody-hunting slaughtermen.
What say you? will you yield, and this avoid,
Or, guilty in defence, be thus destroy’d?
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
I operated the other way round when I was younger. Also, it’s kind of a companion to RA Heinlein #10 above.
The exception being fruit flies, as the acetic acid in vinegar tricks them into thinking its rotting fruit.
There’s always the Iron Laws, too.
1. You get more of what you reward and less of what you punish.
2. Money and power will always find each other.
3. If everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.
4. The less you know about something, the easier it looks.
5. You aren’t free unless you are free to be wrong.
6. Me today, you tomorrow.
7. Foreseeable consequences are not unintended.
8. Meaning comes from context.
The will for freedom comes before freedom – Chodorov
That list would be a good read for SJWs, if they could comprehend it, but I’m sure they cannot.
The SJW Iron Laws are a hoot:
1. You get more of what you redistribute and less of what the 1% hoard .
2. Money and power will always find each other, which is why we need campaign finance reform.
3. If everything is a priority, well, get busy!
4. The less you know about something, the easier it is to run for office.
5. You aren’t free unless you have free college, free healthcare, and net neutrality.
6. You today, you tomorrow, you every day.
7. Foreseeable consequences are ridiculous, easily-dismissed claims by shitlords.
8. Meaning comes from gender studies courses.
Start. Keep going.
With regard to writing, just put something on paper, you can fix it later. This is the TL/DR version of Writing Your Dissertation 15 Minutes a Day.
Ja – I have a friend who considers himself a great writer, especially with two parents who taught English. The thing is he agonizes over every page to the point where _everything_ he writes, including emails, takes him an extended amount of time. I’m part of the “slap it out, fix it later” crowd, though this method can lead to shoddier writing if you’re at the *tyrant stage of the book and just want to finish it.
*“Writing a book is an adventure. To begin with it is a toy and an amusement. Then it becomes a mistress, then it becomes a master, then it becomes a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster and fling him to the public.” – Winston Churchill
I must not be writing books then, because this is not a reflection of my experience.
Or Winston was being hyperbolic.
“Making a film is like a stagecoach ride in the old west. When you start, you are hoping for a pleasant trip. By the halfway point, you just hope to survive. ”
— François Truffaut, Day For Night
RTFM.
I remember the last manual that I actually read, cover-to-cover.
It was the user guide for Lotus 1-2-3 and I read it 34 years ago in prep for my first “white collar” job while still in high school.
RTF Syllabus
No means Yes.
No means yes. Yes means anal.
My dad gave me a lot about fighting:
“There’s no such thing as the Marquise of Queensbury rules in a street fight.”
“Any fight you get away from is a fight you won.”
“Most people are afraid of the sight of their own blood. Kick them in the balls and knee them in the face until you hear the nose break.” (He got into a lot of fights, but was actually a really nice guy.)
And two that weren’t:
upon handing me a $100 at my high school graduation party“Don’t be stupid.”
“Never let a woman spend the night at your place more than two nights in a row.”
Some other good ones, not from my dad:
“Fake it till you make it.”
“Assume all weapons are loaded,” and the companion “Never point a weapon at something you don’t intend to kill.”
“Measure twice, cut once.”
“An empty barrel makes the most noise.”
“A smart person learns from his mistakes, but a wise person learns from the mistakes of others.”
“Fake it till you make it.”
^^^Key to success
I think the part where they start leaving their ‘stuff’ at your place, is the time the warning sirens should be going off in your head.
Yeah, his flashing yellow light was a toothbrush. The “I’m planning on coming back” message was fine, but it was getting dangerously close to, “I expect to be able to come over when I want to.”
The toothbrush is always the first warning. ‘Hey, you forgot your toothbrush’. ‘Oh, yeah, like I do that all of the time, you know, at hotels, families house, everywhere. I practically have to buy a new toothbrush every day!’.
My uncle, who was a pretty fearsome fighter in his day, always said “There ain’t no such thing as a fair fight. Fight to win or don’t fight at all.”
Life comes with no guarantees.
Rights are something you have, until you don’t.
Never call the cops.
Never set the emergency brake on a customer vehicle.
FIFY!
/prog
LOL / +4 new brake pads
You cant drink all day if you dont start in the morning.
There are two things that ALWAYS make a race car faster: reducing weight and lowering the center of gravity.
I would say “there’s no replacement for displacement”, but we now know that’s just not true.
Smooth is fast.
The version I’ve been told. Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.
“Elbows up or get out of the way”
Written on a piece of tape in all my uncles race cars
Keep the shiny side up.
Still working on your mystery car. I got excited the other day when I came across a Cartercar, but it wasn’t the right one.
That is close. Got another in a day or so.
A bit of my own philosophy. Stay far away from stupid people, stupid places, and stupid situations.
Too bad I can’t square that with my current work situation…
Some of the best advice ever.
Another one, which I haven’t seen here yet:
Common sense isn’t.
Be careful not to mistake good fortune for skill. (The sun shines on the just and unjust alike.)
Let the holy spirit move you. (To combat analysis paralysis and depression. And you have to be open to the holy spirit.)
Take a deep breath.
Save for a rainy day.
Don’t hold a grudge.
Anything that can’t go on forever, won’t.
A couple more…
Learn the art of making an appeal.
Learn how to be the first to apologize.
How has this one not appeared yet?
No matter how hot she is, someone is sick of her shit.
Never argue with drunks or fools.
THE HELL YOU SAY!
*balls up fists, staggers, knocks over chair and falls to floor, remains there, weeping drunkenly*
Words From My Father, A Compendium of Hillbilly Knowledge
The most overrated thing in this world is getting laid.
The most underrated thing in this world is a good shit.
I would say a good shit and a clean wipe.
Seems implied to me.
Opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got one but other people don’t want to know about them.
Don’t owe anyone money.
If it weren’t for the stupid people, life would be much harder for the rest of us.
Both of those things are absolutely true.
It takes getting older to fully appreciate the wisdom.
The best asshole is the one you don’t realize you have when you sit down.
(hemorrhoid sufferers will understand that one)
“If you get married before you’re 27, I’ll write you out of the will.”
Oh wait, that wasn’t technically advice.
Corollary: A former roommate’s father asked us to make sure his son didn’t marry the first woman that gave him a blowjob. We failed his dad.
The best job title to have is owner.
You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.
Don’t tell your mother.
In the end, there is nobody but yourself to rely on. Don’t trust the government or anyone else to look out for your interests, and plan accordingly.
If you don’t have your health, you’ve got nothing.
My grandfather gave me advice along those lines. It is wise.
Again, age reveals the wisdom.
Don’t bring the business home with you, and vice versa.
Money won’t make you happy, but the lack of it damn sure will make you unhappy.
“That’s a tough titty, but I guess you’re going to have to suck on it.”
In response to whining
“Sell the sizzle, not the steak.”
“The best salesmen are chameleons.”
“Customers don’t want to hear about your problems.”
Nuke it from space. It’s the only way to be sure.
My own advice/realization:
We are the one ultimately responsible for ourselves and/or children. Do not ever rely on anyone else to provide care or protection unless you’ve done your diligence to give them that responsibility.
In other words, if someone or something harmed my children, I am the one ultimately responsible for allowing that to happen. Not a failure on the police and not even aggressor. The aggressor is responsible for his actions, but I am responsible for my child. Another example would be owning your due diligence for medical care. If researching the original peer-reviewed material is not in your wheelhouse, at least make sure you are using the best damn doctor that you can trust to make those decisions on your behalf.
I like your advice Tulip. I’ve followed similar advice for physical projects like woodworking, etc. I do tons of prior planning but sometimes take too long worrying about perfection that I will never achieve.
Good stuff, Spartan.
Luck favors the prepared
90% prep= 10% work
Luck is the residue of design.
– I think some football coach
90% of success is showing up.
I thought you were just going to say ‘TITTIES!’.
Never play poker with an Icktherian space brain
Boy do I wish I had taken that advice…
Ya, you can easily loose more than your shirt
“Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!”
https://youtu.be/U_eZmEiyTo0?t=223
Never play cards with a guy who’s nickname is a state.
Work Smarter not Harder. — Scrooge McDuck
Words to live by because in general nobody gives a damn about how hard you are working they care about the results
Work smarter and harder
-mike rowe
Sure, but every single person you ask “how’s it going?” will inevitably reply “busy”. It’s like a mantra.
I answer “I don’t know”
You’d be surprised how few people notice.
Piece of advice I got from a random old guy: “Whenever someone asks how you’re doing, tell ’em one of two things. If they’re friend or family, be brutally honest. Ask for help when you have troubles, share your joys when you have ’em. Anyone else, always say you’re doing excellent. Really sell it, too. Even if you’re having the worst day of your life, the reaction you get from others will always put a smile on your face.”
Even if you’re having the worst day of your life, the reaction you get from others will always put a smile on your face
Such good advice. I always tell my kids that same thing when they are at work or interacting with strangers. It annoys the shit out of me when I ask a counter person ‘how’s it going?’ and they fucking reply ‘tired’ or ‘bored’ or ‘ready to be done with this’. Fuck, if I heard that from an employee I’d nuke them that day.
I think it’s just somehow automatic that when someone asks you how’s it going, you’re supposed to respond ‘good, how are you doing’? And they say ‘Good’. It’s a boring ritual, the Brazilians really have it down. If they say ‘tudo bom?’, you just say ‘tudo bem’. That’s it, everyone knows this. Sometimes when people say ‘how are you? or How’s it going?’, I would just like to say ‘pizz off!’.
My German teacher in high school told me that when you ask Germans how they’re doing they assume you actually want to know.
That is why your do not greet them with “Wie geht es dir?” or “Wie gehts?” You simply say “Gruss Gott”. Of course, they may think you are a Swabian hillbilly, or even worse…an Austrian.
I’d like to invent my own for one of my clients.
‘We release this shit now! If anything doesn’t work, we’ll fix it!’.
Oh my god, how could I forget?
“Fast, good, cheap: pick two.”
One of my faves.
The worst part of that is you often can really only get one
That’s the project management triangle no executive can fathom.
I’m guessing already stated
When dealing with cops:
I do not consent to searches.
I do not answer questions or volunteer information.
Am I free to go.?
I want to speak to my lawyer.
You can beat your meat but you can’t beat a good pot roast
My grandfather’s advice when he found out my future wife couldn’t cook
Damn. I may be using.
Screw that.
I’ll cook my own damned pot roast and take the hottie who can’t cook over the sturdy amish looking chick who can.
Keep feeding her pot roasts and she’ll soon look like a sturdy Amish women.
I put a pot roast in the crock pot this morning. House smells amazing.
Here’s one I learned on my own: If you feel depressed, it’s probably from the company you keep.
If you shake it more than twice you’re playing with yourself.
Never rub another man’s rhubarb.
Thank you, Jack.
Never go ass to mouth.
I hear its permissible:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoRQEQUi9NM
Catullus has a sad.
“Watch out where the huskies go, dont you eat that yellow snow”
+1 Nanook
“The price of meat has just gone up
And your old lady has just gone down”
measure twice, cut once.
Lock out Switches before touching,
http://dilbert.com/strip/1997-03-26
Shit rolls dowhill,
Payday’s on Friday,
Don’t chew your Fingernails
/Plumbers
Never shake hands with a plumber.
Never shake hands with anyone – you don’t know where that hand’s been.
OK, we may be scraping the bottom of the barrel now.
I’ll be here All Week!
Don’t let your meat loaf
Nobody likes a tattle tale
-mom
Snitches get stitches.
– my mom
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
I don’t want flies. Why would I want flies?
For the salmon run?
For your Venus’ Flytrap?
Time Reid would like a word….
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/47/ae/f1/47aef1a594572f478ecb6a2cbfecd9e9.jpg
*Tim
Same thing with ‘The early bird gets the worm’.
Who wants worms?
Fine, no breakfast for you.
Fremen?
Never turn down a free drink – my uncle Chris
Get your shit together- Jody Speckard
“Nothing’s free” – me
“There ain’t no such thing as free.” – Dad
A free drink is like a woman; Never turn one down, ’cause you don’t know how long it’ll be before the next one comes along. – Drunk guy I knew in high school
Bros before hoes.
My own personal motto has always been “hoes before bros” because who wants to hang out with a bunch of guys when you could be off getting laid?
hoes?
Hoes before shovels.
“We’re too poor to buy cheap things.” – my grandfather
The difference in durability makes even a modest investment in quality cheaper in the long run.
The problem with this is that marketers know this and capitalize on it selling cheaper products at higher prices to create the illusion that because it is higher priced it is better quality.
This is why I like customer reviews (and don’t believe them all, as they can be faked too).
That’s a good one!
When I was growing up with my two brothers we apparently destroyed all the cheap furniture my parents bought.
So after a while, they bought some sturdier, more expensive stuff. I still have the dresser I used when I was a teenager. My son, when was young’n, used the same bed frame I had when I was his age. Both are mighty disco-era mid-century in the looks department but they have held up.
If it ain’t broke, fix it ’til it is
/twitches while remembering having to fix the fallout from people taking this advice….
My wife and my son both live by this rule.
Most people seem to do that…
I’ll probably screw most of these up. I’ve also made some of them up based on my experiences.
1) Education and schooling are very different things.
2) Most of the flavor of life comes from when you screw up.
3) You want your life to peak the day before you die. Anything short of that means you’re letting life kick your ass.
4) Be skeptical of anything popular. The lowest coon denominator is pretty low.
5) Be wary of people who say that humans suck and animals are the only thing worth loving. Chances are they’re emotionally 5 years old.
6) What’s important to you isn’t the same as what others think should be important to you.
7) You aren’t special. In the grand scheme of things, you’re small, flawed, and unimportant.
8) If you want to be better than 80% of the public at something, spend 5 minutes planning your next move.
The lowest coon denominator is pretty low
Uh…
Racist confirmed.
Ratcoons are racists? I never knew.
The first clue was the fact that they’re all in blackface.
??
*common
You have to get pretty low to land.
+1 on 5, though I might replace “5 years old” with “toxic”.
Yep, any adult who is emotionally stunted back to elementary school is probably, by definition, toxic.
I sometimes browse imgur for the lulz, and invariably when there’s a cute dog gif someone posts some variety of “We don’t deserve dogs.” I’m going to burst a blood vessel in my eyes rolling them so hard.
He who pays the piper calls the tune
I tell this to my kids all the time. As long as I am paying for your living expenses, I say what you do. You don’t like that? Too bad, get a job and move out.
aka The Golden Rule: He who has the gold, makes the rules.
“You can’t put a price on good pussy.” –Pam Poovey
Whoops, forgot a really important one: ‘caveat emptor’
Safety third!
You always pay for sex. It may be with a wedding ring, a nice dinner out, the screaming agony of heartbreak, or cold hard cash, but you always pay for it one way or another.
Never pass up free food, free drinks, or a chance to take a nap.
If you ever need a tool, buy it. If you use it once, you’ll use it again.
Buy the best you can afford.
Childhood me, explaining I didn’t intend to (insert careless act that caused damage to something); “I didn’t try to!”
Dad; “You didn’t try not to, either!”
Dad, after hearing enough of me complain about missing a social outing because of punishment for last weekends dumb-assery;
“We all have choices to make in life.”
“It’s all about choices” is my husband’s fave advice to our boys.
At the same time, I guess leftists are telling their kids ‘It’s never your fault, but always someone elses, you have a right to everything whether you earn it or not’.
Explains all the snowflakery…
My dad said the same things!
My dad was fond of “Good intentions and a buck will get you a cup of coffee.”
Can’t believe this hasn’t come up yet:
“Happy wife, happy life.”
Or If momma ain’t happy, nobodys happy.
If you can’t eat it, f’k it.
There are more catagories of ‘it’ than that…
OK.
I’ll eat anything that don’t eat me first.
I’ll eat anything that doesn’t fuck me.
Woa….
*makes note never to invite Lachowsky to dinner*
“What is popular isn’t always right. What is right isn’t always popular.”
A sign with those words hung in every class at my Catholic grammar school.
Similar to one of my favorite Mark Twain quotes:
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
It’s the cheap person that pays the most
Clique and Claque
And the lazy man who works the hardest.
Never pass up a free meal or free beer.
The legal system isn’t always just, and the Justice system isn’t always legal.
No word on the Justice League, tho.
Just something that an econ professor once said in a class, talking about minimum wage, but I never forgot it.
You don’t want everyone to get a pay raise, you want you to get a pay raise.
Everything in this book: Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids. But two lessons really stuck with me.
1) When asked about it, more kids say they want their parents to pay more attention to them. Few say they want more of their parents time. So if you are over stressed from work, stop at the bar to have a drink and cool off before you go home. Keep time for your grown-up activities so that you don’t get distracted when you are with your kid. And for the love of god PUT THE DAMN PHONE AWAY when you are playing with your kids.
2) You can’t change your kid in fundamental ways. But you can control if they like you or hate you, based on shitty you make their life in an effort to change them in fundamental ways.
You can always tell a Democrat by their shifty eyes – my grandpa
My dad’s response to “I want”. People in hell want ice water.
I’ve heard that one countless times.
Uncle Junior’s response – “Yeah? And I wanna fuck Angie Dickinson – let’s see who gets lucky first”
Angie Dickinson….
Your Uncle had taste.
Shit in one hand and wish in the other, and see which one fills up first…
Nothing’s free
An oldy but worth repeating because people ignore it even though they know it. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
Be bold, but not overbearing.
Life’s not fair.
Remember who you are.
Life sucks and then you die. That’s one of the more pessimistic ones I’ve heard many times.
Considering the amounts of times I heard it as a kid, and the amount of times I say it as a dad, I’m trying to keep a little more positive.
Money talks and bullshit walks.
Life’s a shit sandwich. The more bread you got, the less shit you eat.
Military advice
Oh, man, two more of my favorites:
This one from a Poli Sci professor in a class I took during Obama’s first election campaign: “Hope is not a strategy.”
And from Terry Pratchett: “Personal isn’t the same as important.”
Don’t shit where you eat
“And, you definitely don’t shit where I eat.” – Tony Soprano
Shit happens
Gawd, I hate that one. I remember one time I was at a festival at some place in the midwest and that’s when those t-shirts were really hot with the duck or whatever and the text ‘shit happens’. I was looking at something this guy was selling and these two hillbilly women are looking at those t-shirts. Then one of them them looks so seriously at the other, it was probably like the moment when Einstein first understood relativity and said ‘You know what? Shit does happen!’. And the two of them looked awestruck by this great revelation. This is seriously as deep as things get for a lot of people.
Hey! It is what it is!
Ugh – that’s what my old man says – a lot.
I actually say that a lot.
Lol. That’s funny.
No beers before breakfast, no shots before lunch.
Who makes up such draconian puritan things like this?
My old shop chief in Okinawa used to say “It only takes one “oh, shit!” to erase a hundred “attaboy”s
Joke em if they can’t take a fuck
My dad’s advice:
1) Life is too short to drink shitty beer.
2) Brown liquor makes some people mean.
3) The best way to deal with women is to always leave them wanting more.*
*As in a repeat performance, not “leaving them wanting.”
Some good stuff there. But I have to say that any liquor makes some people mean because they were already mean. The alcohol just removed part of their filter they’re typically able to maintain.
in vino assitas
One from my dad – “God gave you two ears and only one mouth for a reason – do twice as much listening as talking.”
I like that.
Charlie don’t surf.
And we think he should.
To this day, my favorite piece of advice was a comment my father told me. I was a nerdy, unpopular kid in middle and high school. And my father’s comment put it very much in perspective – “You’re just passing through.”.
Holy shit, that’s perfect.
Dyin’ ain’t much of a livin’.
As Andy Dufresne told me, get busy living or get busy dying.
Funerals are for the living.
You can tell the measure of a man by what makes him angry.
My mom used to tell my sister and I “Fooling turns to crying!” all the time when we were kids, and we thought it was the dumbest expression ever…..until I had kids of my own, and now I see its timeless wisdom….haha.
She also had one from her grandmother that was weird, “She is the cat’s mother” which was something she’d say with irritation when we’d refer to her as “she” instead of “mom” in front of her. It’s apparently an Irish thing – mom’s grandmother was Irish, and the only other person I’ve ever heard use that expression other than my mother and grandmother said that her Irish mother would say it.
The more you know…
Definitely keep that one alive.
I’d also guess it has something to do with the Sidhe.
“She is the cat’s mother”
I heard it growing up in Oz.
My Irish dad had plenty of advice. One that I haven’t seen here, “a hard dick has no conscience.”
“Don’t ever let anyone sell you anything, only let them take your order.” This was told me by an ex-boss named Fred. The meaning was that people will always try to sell you on something, but it will be for THEIR benefit, not yours, so you have to do your own research about what you want or need.
“Don’t let your business partner talk to hot saleschicks about phone systems”
Learned that one the hard way.
Ouch.
A man regrets most the mistakes he didn’t make when he had the chance.
Don’t remember the source.
Could be pretty much any man who lived past 40.
I refer to this rule as the “Patricia Principle.”
Her name was Julia
/clinks beer glasses with mikey/
I actually heard Trump speak live, years ago, at a Tony Robbins self-motivation event. He gave several pieces of advice, but two I remember very clearly: 1. Always get a pre-nup (he should know); and 2. Fire all your consultants. What he meant by the 2nd one was to get rid of useless people who will ostensibly be part of what you’re trying to do, but who don’t actually do anything really useful. Oh! – I forgot a third one. ‘Always get revenge [on those who’ve wronged you].’ That one was so different from all of the feel-good claptrap that most of the other speakers were peddling that the audience let out an audible laugh. When Robbins came back on stage just after Trump finished, he actually repeated the line in a jokingly disparagingly manner, shaking his head at the rebelliousness of it, and we all laughed again.
Consultants: https://despair.com/collections/posters/products/consulting
*makes a list*
You know who else made a list…
Santa Claus?
Hall and Oates?
‘Always get revenge [on those who’ve wronged you].’
O’Bumbles should’ve been taking notes.
“Why do you base your goals on decisions someone else has to make?” –my mom, when I was out of my mind with frustration after another rejection letter.
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances
Viktor Frankl.
He came up with this studying Nazi death camp survivors.
He came up with this studying Nazi death camp survivors.
IIRC, he was one of them.
Beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.
Liquor in the front, poker in the rear.
Bermashave
“No one, on his or her deathbed, ever said ‘I wish I had spent more time in the office.’”
Best advice: don’t bail anyone out on their private debts. Rare exceptions to this include cases where you can secure equivalent value in an alternative asset/service to what is spent in capital for the bailout.
I have seen too many young folks’ savings get interrupted by the [usually irresponsible] debt patterns of their parents resulting in the offspring cutting a bailout check. The proper thing for the parent to do would accept their fuckup and do a BK.
Both from Matthew 6. Whoever you believe Jesus was or is, that’s good advice.
There have been many but one that always stood out for some reason was my father saying after handing me a 20, “Don’t be a “maleducat”. Always offer.”
To this day, I always offer.
Never give people your best advice. They won’t take it anyways.
Never split tens.
….
One that has always stuck with me is from a detective novel.
X: “Well, I hope it works out ”
Y: “Everything works out, just not always the way you want”
Hatred is like taking poison and expecting it to kill the other person.
Don’t be the top man with a secret.
I was preparing to leave the Air Force and was considering joining the Reserves. Dad told me this: “There are certain breeds of dog that you have to cut their tail off. It doesn’t do you or the dog any favors to do this a bit at a time.”
… Hobbit
Proper planning prevents piss poor performance.
If “ifs” and “buts” were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merry Christmas.
It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as a poor one.
There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
The police are not your friends.
This thread is bookmarked.
One my former salesman hubby told me is, “Once you’ve made the sale, quit selling. Nothing brings up buyer’s remorse and panic faster than continuing to extol the virtues of the product you just sold or any variation of “You won’t regret this.” Makes it sound like the salesman is now trying to convince himself.
Just finalize the paperwork and, of course offer to answer any further questions and provide support, but for goodness sake QUIT “SELLING”.
It’s spot-on for selling product, but applies to selling ideas too.
1. Life’s too short.
2. Don’t sweat the little stuff/let the bastards wear you down.
Life is not fair.