Part One: The Myth
Fan editing is a fairly simple concept, it is taking an existing film and using video editing software to alter the film in some way. It rose to prominence in 2000 when a video called ‘The Phantom Edit’ started making its rounds around Hollywood. This was a re-edited version of ‘Star Wars The Phantom Menace’, and as internet technology grew this video was made available to people across the country. As video editing software became more ubiquitous more people took on fan editing as a pastime and began sharing their work across the internet.
But wait, back-up, let me start earlier. When I began as a young film maker I didn’t have access to the best equipment. This was the early 90s and I didn’t come from a very well off family. When I started I had only a 1987 VHS camera that I borrowed from my aunt. Since I didn’t have any friends who were also interested in film making, my early attempts were mostly stop motion with Fisher Price Little People. I edited these in-camera; meaning I would push ‘record’, wait for the mechanism to engage, count to five, push ‘stop’, move the characters and then repeat until I was done.
Later on, in the mid 90s, my brother-in-law had a Hi-8 camera I could borrow, and by then I had a few other kids who were interested in acting for me. This was a time of great anticipation; ‘Star Wars The Phantom Menace’ was coming, the first trailers had debuted. So, naturally we made a Star Wars Fan Film. It was simple and crude, but I upped my editing game to what is called ‘linear editing’. This is basically two VCRs hooked together, or in this case the Hi-8 camera fed into a VCR. In linear editing you play the cut you want on the first machine while recording on the second. Slow, sloppy and not very fun. This cut of the fan film was lost over time.
When I made my way to film school in the early 2000s, a new way of editing was making its way from the echelons of Hollywood to the lower classes. This was ‘non-linear editing’ (NLE), or what we know of today as editing software. This was made possible by the advancement of digital video, where it became cheaper and easier to import video onto a computer system. The gold standard was (and mostly still is in the industry) Final Cut Pro. My film school had a whole new lab of Macs to learn on, but the underclassmen didn’t get much time on this new equipment. Instead we spent our time in the dark dingy recesses of a building in a true editing suite, where we would cut actual film by hand and splice it together with tape. We weren’t even allowed to use the automated machines, we used hand cranks. Before I was allotted much time on the NLE system I had to drop out of school for a whole host of reasons, but by this time the price of computers and digital cameras had come down enough that when I returned home I had equipment and could begin.
Part Two: The Mouse
Once at home and working a full time job I had money to buy equipment, and now more friends interested in participating. I now had the lowest end NLE program, Windows Movie Maker, and decent digital video camera. Thus I began a spree of shooting and editing films. I got better equipment, worked on techniques and eventually enrolled in a new school closer to home. It is around this time that I did my first ‘fan edit’. I put it in quotes because I didn’t really change anything about the film. You see, my favorite film of all time is ‘Fight Club’. I have literally watched it over a thousand times. Most of these times I had put it on to help me fall asleep, I suffer from insomnia quite often, but this film lulls me to a soothing sleep. There were some problems with that though. There are certain points in the film where the loud noises would wake me up once I had finally fallen asleep. Then the movie would end and go back to the DVD menu, the music of which would also wake me up. It is for those reasons I ripped the movie onto my computer and, well, I just quieted down those loud parts and put it on a DVD with no menu music. That was it. But it was a step.
It was around this time that news of ‘The Phantom Edit’ finally worked its way to me across the internet. It had never occurred to me before that I could do that myself, I don’t know why. Other than that first small foray I had never thought about changing the work of someone else to better fit my vision. Sure I knew what parts of movies I would have cut had I been working on them, but it had never crossed my mind to do it after the fact. Thus began experimentation. I started out with that very same film ‘Star Wars The Phantom Menace’, a film I saw many flaws in but also some virtues. Gone were midichlorians. Gone were a vast array of fart jokes. Gone were stupid kid lines. This first cut was clunky, but showed promise. I began tinkering with the next few films in the series. Gone is Anakin’s whining about sand. Gone was so much of what I hated.
There is a saying that if it were up to the film maker a movie would never be finished. You always see something you want to tinker with. George Lucas has proven this himself with all his fiddling with the original trilogy. I am the same way. Every time I watch my work (either my original work or fan edits) I always see something I can improve. I also like to try new techniques each time I do an edit. For this reason for a long time the three prequel movies were the only fan edits I did, because it is always an on-going effort, every few years I redo the edits to try and make them work better. As a matter of fact in preparation of this article I found new changes I wanted to make to one of the films. And also, for the most part if I like a film I don’t feel the need to tinker with it. It is only the cases where I see something that I love buried in a pile of shit that I invest myself to try to bring my vision of another person’s work to life. I’m a grown man with a life size R2-D2, if I see something Star Wars related that I think I can make it entertaining to myself, I’ll do it. Alas, alas the new trilogy…
Mostly what I tried to do was align the prequel trilogy with the original trilogy, along with removing some of the bad performances and childish jokes where I could. As I mentioned above, this included getting rid of references to midichlorians, but also a few other things like the fact Anakin was ‘already a great pilot’ when Obi-Wan met him. So gone is the kid hero accidentally saving the day, now he is just a good pilot strong in the force. Truly Anakin should have been at least in his early teens, but that is not something I have the power to fix. My approach also meant cutting things others may not agree need be cut, like Yoda using a light saber. My feeling from the original films was Yoda represented the more pacifist side of the Jedi. As I had to piece together a more cohesive story while cutting out so much, I also reinstated a few deleted scenes, which aren’t great but I felt moved the characters forward better. Alas, just as I do not have the power to change Anakin’s age in the first film, I also had no control over the video quality of these deleted scenes where I could find them so they are mostly glaring in there inclusion, but I feel make for a better film.
Also, as I said I like to try new techniques, sometimes I don’t do them as well as I would like, but they serve their purpose in terms of the story. There is also the saying attributed to Shakespeare, ‘brevity is the soul of wit‘. This is usually only applied to comedy, however, I’ve found it works with most things in film. The more common saying now is ‘less is more’. And this is why many action sequences become boring and stale. So contrary to what many people many think, cutting the length of an action sequence can cause it to have a greater impact on the viewer. The action sequences in the prequel trilogy are terribly bloated. I have tightened those.
A more recent case was ‘Man of Steel’ and ‘Batman V Superman’. I love Batman, and I really like Superman. When I watched ‘Man of Steel’ there were some parts I liked, but no way to connect them into a truly entertaining narrative. I had higher hopes for ‘Batman V Superman’, but the film itself was a mess. However, in the way the story was laid out, a grand vision emerged in my mind. The connections between the two movies were clear in my head and I began writing a cohesive narrative within my brain. So, when ‘Batman V Super: Dawn of Justice: Ultimate Edition’ was released on blu-ray I set to work combining the two lackluster films into one cohesive story. I worked on it for months, going back and forth on where to place scenes, watching and re-watching to see how it flowed as a whole. Finally I finished it. My masterpiece. And then, it sat there on my computer along with multiple cuts of Star Wars movies.
You see, fan editing exists on the legal outskirts of ‘fair use’ laws. As long as you own copies of the movies you edit and don’t try to make a profit off of it you are technically in the clear. When you share it with a friend, it gets murkier. When you put it out on the internet for anyone to see murkier still. As many of you, I take caution in all legal matters. Thus, to this point I’ve only shared these works with a few close friends. I don’t have many people I know who will take six hours to watch and critique my Star Wars edits. Even fewer interested in seeing a 3 hour long Batman V Superman mash-up. But, as the writing of this article betrays, this is something I enjoy very much and I would like to share with others. So, for the first time ever I’m publicly sharing these works.
I claim no ownership over the contents, they are merely a vessel for my own thoughts on the content.
Only watch them if you own a legal copy of the films represented.
And now the links!
Star Wars Episode One Fan Edit
Star Wars Episode Two Fan Edit
Star Wars Episode Three Fan Edit
And finally, the one I’m sure you all want to see the most, that fan film I made in the 90s. No, you won’t get to see me in it, I was behind the camera. This also isn’t the cut I did back then, I found the original hi-8 cassette a few years back and cut it together, leaving in all the stupid mistakes and not polishing it up any. There really isn’t a plot, just a few kids that wanted to make a movie.
For anyone who watches these edits and would like to share their thoughts with me, you can post them in this thread at any later date and I will periodically check in.
Id just like to butt-in at this point, and say HI….I just shoveled my driveway cause I cant seem to date a woman with a 4-wheel drive.
https://youtu.be/kJVROcKFnBQ?t=103
I will get to it eventually. I’m a fairly big Star Wars nerd and I have abnormal opinions.
I watched your Episode I edit, and here’s my thoughts.
Praise: The film is much improved. The tone is fixed so that it fits much better with the tone of the original trilogy, a fantastic adventure story that takes itself seriously but not too seriously. Most of the stuff you cut was not missed. The character of Anakin was much improved, becoming much more purposeful and driven. Also, the entire ending sequence of the film was made significantly better – in both pacing and plot points.
Criticism: I have one big criticism and several minor nitpicks. The big one – you need more Jar Jar (I know, just hear me out). You did well to ditch as much of him as you could, but even in your edit he is still a major part of the story since he has two pivotal scenes that are integral to the plot: being saved by Anakin when they first meet and suggesting the people of Naboo ally with the Gungan army. Therefor, it is jarring to have him literally come out of nowhere: in one scene the Jedi are in the Trade Federation ship and in the next they are in the Naboo city – with Jar Jar. If you can, I’d see about restoring the scene where they meet Jar Jar and save him in the forest, as that would explain why he’s tagging along. The rest of the journey to the city can remain on the cutting room floor, but I feel you need the meet-up scene. Now for minor stuff: the only scene you left in the film that I feel could be cut is the one where R2D2 gets his commendation, as that’s a pointless scene. Other than that, a few of the transitions were too abrupt, but this may be unavoidable as in editing you can only cut, not add.
Overall, great work. This shows how much better the prequel trilogy could have been had Lucas had an editor and a script doctor.
Thank you for your feedback. As I stated earlier in the thread, the Jar-Jar Gungan plotline is something I feel lacking in this cut. However, my ultimate goal as I work on technique isn’t to re-instate the original Jar-Jar introduction, but use SFX software to make him part of the Queens entourage. I’m not sure if I have the skill to do this, but that is my ultimate goal. Yes, the transitions became problematic at some points as I didn’t have enough lead out time before the next cut in the original material, this is also something I keep trying to improve with each cut. The R2-D2 scene you speak of that should have been cut, I agree, but that would leave the scene itself too abrupt, I tried it in one cut and it didn’t pace well.
Thank you again. This is the kind of feedback I look forward to.
I’m a grown man with a life size R2-D2….
NERD ALERT
I just watched your film from the 90’s and I smell a Golden Globe. It gave me a chuckle or two, nice work. I do hope the star got his ass kicked off set for the mullet with the rat tail though.
Now for something idiotic.
lol
actual belly laugh that got…HA
Damn near snorted ale out m’ nose!
That was the style with the young injun boys then.
A friend of mine through work is huge star wars freak… check out his R2 build.
anakin and obi wan FIGHT but its over pizza and better than canon
he’s also made a bunch of really stupid edits to 1-3.
be ready. there are memes inside.
Yours appear to be more reasonable. I’m getting them now.
Yeah, my cuts are trying to actually be something you won’t notice until you think about what is missing. My 5 year old niece has only ever seen my cuts and she loves Star Wars, I wonder what is going to happen when she gets older and hears people talking about Jar Jar Binks, “That guy that was in the movies for like 10 minutes?”
I like the machete order. 4,5,2,3,6.
you don’t really need one, and jar jar is only there for like five minutes of episode 2.
I’m a completest. That’s why own Rocky V and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3. (but I can ignore Robocop 3, because no Peter Weller)
your episode one might make for a good alternative to put in. I have slow as fuck internet here, though.
shithole
s of ruralVT.Vermont…
*shudders in horror*
East of the Hudson creeps me out for some reason. I couldn’t wait to get out of Vermont when I was there.
I’m both a sadist and a completest I make people watch The Holiday Special. Most of my extended family has seen it because I just put it on when people leave out their remotes.
Right on. I’ve shown my 4 and 6 year old the original trilogy a couple times and they love it, but haven’t hit the new movies because I didn’t enjoy them much. I’ll have to show them these.
My niece loves episode 3, which in my cut is a lot darker. We worry about her sometimes.
1-3 should have been a lot darker.
instead we get fart jokes and kid stuff.
We got some little kid stuff and lighthearted parts that felt out of place in the last jedi, too. “well, we just had a sad moment, better make a kid laugh in the next minute otherwise the movie will be too adultish.”
I will watch them over the weekend. I appreciate the effort.
Wait, CPRM is the phantom editor?
Did you even read the fucking article? (I waited a long time to say that and mean it)
A lot of it!
I’m also very drunk.
Sorry.
Not for nothing but it seems like there’s a market for reorganizing timestamped copies of DVD or Bluray releases. I know of a couple projects on Steam to update old games with newer game engines that require ownership of the original titles to play.
I have literally watched it over a thousand times. Most of these times I had put it on to help me fall asleep
Fight Club is a great film. My go to film is Midnight Run. Seen it dozens of times.
I thought you were going to say Midnight Cowboy.
Which is the one Seinfeld spoofed? I haven’t seen either.
Midnight Cowboy
The first time I saw Fight Club I fell asleep and didn’t finish it. I thought it sucked, but a friend told me that if watched the whole thing I’d like it. He was right.
I have never seen Fight Club. My go to nap movie is Saving Private Ryan or Gladiator.
I come from a different generation. The Third Man does it to me. Must be the zither.
I used to watch this Tom Berenger movie Sniper like dozens of times. *looks* huh, 4 sequels.
One has Mario Van Peebles I think. His dad made the first Blaxploitation film, ‘Sweet Sweetbacks’s Badass Song’; and Mario made a movie about his dad making the movie ‘Baadasssss’ that is quite good.
I knew there was something I liked about you straffin. One of my favorite movies of all time.
Fight Club is great. One of the top level movies of 1999, the high water mark year of movie making.
The movie I’ve seen the most, probably over 100 times, is A Clockwork Orange. To be fair, most of those times were in college. Some people think that strange — I’ve known multiple people who couldn’t make it through one sitting or say it made them sick — but i think its one of Kubrick’s masterpieces, and he made almost nothing but masterpieces.
A Clockwork Orange, like every other Kubrick movie, I think would have been better served by an editor that stood up to him. The content I like, the pacing and style is my problem. (unpopular opinion, boo hiss)
It’s just a different style/ pacing for a different generation. Not my generation, mind you, but I like that older style. It let’s the story unfold naturally, rather than just cramming a bunch of stuff in to keep an ADHD audience from drifting off. A friend of mine, who is about 10 years older than me, blames the guy that made Miami Vice. He says it was that guy that first brought the music video style to tv, which then drifted to movies.
If you want to see a great movie with a lot less action than you’d think, try Alfred Hitchcock’s “Notorious”.
I agree. I also have a big problem with the pointless Nadsat conceit (not Kubrick’s fault), but that’s because I was a Russian major in college and hearing people butcher the language that badly really grates on my ears.
A great but disturbing movie. I didn’t sleep well for a couple weeks after seeing it.
I fell asleep watching Stargate in the theaters. Still never seen it all the way through.
Where did you go to film school?
I doodled around with a lot of photography classes to make college more interesting and ended up taking enough hours to get the degree and then spent a few years working in movies. A lot of work but a lot of fun.
The actual film school was UNLV. I transferred and got my degree from a state school here in Wisconsin, where film was lumped in with TV and radio (which are two industries that I actually do work in now)
So, you’re some kind of deep undercover stealth libertarian eh?
Actually most everyone I work closely with in both fields with are pretty conservative and are pretty open to libertarian ideas. Small rural market.
this is one of my favorite uses of episode one
Just watched your first effort. That was fun. Waaay than a friend of mine that tried to do Star wars in the Halls of his high school with an old shitbox VCR.
Where did you get all the stainless steel sheet rack?
Rock
They were in our garage, someone else was storing them there.
Thanks for sharing these. I’m downloading them and look forward to seeing how you changed them!
well great. now that Disney knows about us we’re sure to lose the family friendly label
I’m shocked it has lasted as long as it has.
*nods sagely*
In case anyone is interested in the more technical stuff like the different techniques I tried, I didn’t have AfterEffects (the big special effects program that makes things really simple) and I wanted to remove Jar Jar from a scene, so I went frame by frame (about 50 frames) and removed him by hand in photoshop. It doesn’t look as good as I wanted, but it served its purpose so it’s still in the cut even though I could probably do better now.
Best photography and technique ever. This film watches like a master photography class.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101316/
Anyone with a working knowledge of composition and camera techniques will find this movie jaw dropping. I promise it is worth every minute spent watching it. It really is a work of art.
Also, young Jane Jane March.
Also, young Jane Jane March.
Suthen=OMWC On the Bayou
http://ilarge.lisimg.com/image/5067172/908full-jane-march.jpg
Yeah, I would treat her like a daughter and with the utmost respect but tempted to eat her wit a spoon like a bowl of cherry ice cream. It is kind of a Jekell and Hyde situation.
Ahem. Young Jenny Agutter in “Walkabout” and equally young Olivia Hussey in “Romeo and Juliet” would like to have a word with you. I saw both of those films when I was still addicted to candy. Our small town theater manager had some weird-ass picks for Saturday matinees.
I apologize CPRM, that was not supposed to be a reply to your comment, it was supposed to be a stand-alone.
Marguerite Duras is a genius and a total hoot.
CPRM, do you think regular “remixes” of motion pictures will ever be common? A legit, after-the-release recut by a third party done with access to all the stock? Personally I suspect this is something that is far out on the timeline, when technology reduces production costs to the right level — if ever.
[Imagining a 12″ extended dance version of Hardware]
The studios have a stake in suppressing better versions of their own films and material (see Axanar), and don’t want bad versions tainting their product.
Yeah, I get that. I figure its got to come from a culture (like electronic genres in music that are all about remixes of each other’s works), or a point where pro movie making is cheap enough for people to experiment.
Something like a Channel 101 with a different focus, maybe.
I have some difficulty with the back and forth on intellectual product that goes on around here. I own a few thousand images myself, some are the property of the companies that hired me because that was the agreement we made, some are my personal property, and some I can never publish (mostly studio nudes) because I made agreements with the models that I would never publish without their explicit permission. I understand how the studios feel, but I also understand how intellectual property claims can be abused. I guess I am on the fence. I see no problem with these fan edits. Hell, it’s free advertising for the studios.
Like I said in the article, it is murky. Lucas Film has been pretty good about fan edits exist, but any company can come after you any time. And as we say around here, the process is the punishment. Even if you are in the right legally they can ruin you before it even goes to trial.
That to me is one of the big problems with IP. Nobody can define what it is beyond the classic ” I’ll know it when I see it. ”
A fundamental of good law is that a reasonable person should be able to know ahead of time when they’re breaking it. I read the Axanar article and the settlement was just a bunch of arbitrary limitations with no basis in anything.
Can you imagine the horrible world we’d have if Disney had copyrighted the 12 bar progression?
I read once of a thought experiment where 1990’s IP law started getting applied in the 1700’s. Disney, of course, would not exist
Keep in mind that the people litigating this sort of thing are absolute snakes. All for me, none for you types. They aren’t the actual creators of the property, not the artists. They are suits with MBAs and law degrees. Fundamentally different critters, those.
Yep.
Some of the greatest leaches on the planet are “The estate of [insert artist name here].”
I’m actually OK with IP for the life of the creator, even in the case of the creator being a corporation that can hypothetically live forever. However, it should have a very slim definition. Disney’s bread and butter has been Mickey Mouse, and I think they should own it in perpetuity to prevent fraud. No one else should be able to make a Mickey Mouse cartoon called Mickey Mouse that looks exactly like a Mickey Mouse cartoon and sell it. But they shouldn’t be able to sue people for painting Mickey Mouse on a wall.
That’s pretty reasonable. Except I’d give the corp, say 14 yrs, and make a distinction between Mickey the art (which is itself highly derivative) and Mickey the Trademark which should live forever.
BTW my wife is an artist and we don’t discuss this topic.
That’s what trademark should be for.
Well, trademark is IP. Maybe we should streamline it so there is only one!
http://imgur.com/MEmAV2I
My wife’s art on the frame I built her today. I got her a cricut for christmas. She’s figuring it out. This is gonna go on the door to the chicken coup.
She’s a keeper.
for no reason at all
a psychedelic Hungarian song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGt-rTDkMcM
Interesting. The best selling liquor in the US is Smirnoff vodka. Clearly this proves deep Russian control of the US.
http://www.cnn.com/2015/04/23/living/gallery/top-liquor-brands/index.html
And you can’t even get ink on your hands from that vodka’s label, because it doesn’t smear enough
I don’t know it this has been discussed yet, but I think it’s safe to say that Moby agrees.
And Moby? You can get stomped by Obie
You 36-year-old baldheaded fag, blow me!
You don’t know me, you’re too old, let go
It’s over, nobody listens to techno
Never really looked up anything like this but I’ve been a massive fan of fan-made Anime Music Videos (and the occasional MV made from a live-action flick) for years.
Just posted this one this afternoon: https://twitter.com/FishLikesFlicks/status/951954310325252096
I’ll check out your work in the near future. Thanks for sharing.
Totally OT (sorry) but in regard to my whine this morning about my work situation, the problem has been handed to my boss who promptly shifted it to her boss. This means that I can expect the needed part in “whenever”. It’s a two dollar piece of molded plastic that is making my $9,000 brand-spanking new tool into a glorified boat anchor. Chicken Man loves life!
Musk the sex fiend.
http://dailycaller.com/2018/01/12/elon-musk-admits-he-attended-sex-party-but-that-none-of-the-activities-happened-while-he-was-there/
Dude can’t deliver on anything.
Yep, sounds like every sex party I’ve ever been to, too. 🙁
Seems kinda like fake news…
https://ca.news.yahoo.com/thanks-no-thanks-norwegians-reject-trumps-immigration-offer-142638563.html
NB: Comments are actually pretty funny. 15:1 “Trump was right!”
Not to mention the constant risk of death from lack of net neutrality and/or tax cuts.
I get so tired of people spouting off about things they know nothing about. The poor in America have no health care? Have they heard about Medicaid, which eats up about a third of our national budget? That’s health care for the poor. Every poor American citizen has free health care already. Now middle-class people, that’s another story, but I guess that doesn’t sound as good when you are hand-wringing.
And, of course, the true sign of a great civilization is paid parental leave.
Right, all of those things are just random draws. Everyone has an equal chance being shot or poor, all because some yokels vote not socialist!
Relevant.https://youtu.be/HHOFmHMTN5k
Interesting, CPRM. I’ll have to check them out when I have time.
OT: this afternoon I’m at Mom’s, and her husband had just gotten back from the thrift store. He proudly presented me with this cane.
Take that fucker to the Senate floor and beat some recalcitrant assholes about the head and face until they see the true light of reason, like our proud forebears did, back in the good ole days!
A history of violence
That Charles Sumner incident was the one I was referring to. Thank you for enacting the labor required, Tovarich!
I figured, but there’s so many more than don’t get the attention that Sumner’s caning gets. It wasn’t an isolated incident at all.
Y’all are completely missing the point, which is that the cane has a monocle.
Oh no, we saw the monocle. That vas ze joke.
This guy is obnoxious, but he is pretty damn funny.
https://townhall.com/columnists/kurtschlichter/2018/01/11/oprah-will-run-in-2020-because-all-the-other-democratic-candidates-are-even-worse-n2432292
Oprah, bringing hand-holding to the Art of War. Feelz don’t let loose the drones but I probably sell her short. She’s a cutthroat dressed in a mumu. Akin to Phil Hartman’s depiction of Reagan when the cameras were off. We have much to fear.
“Oprah-oid of the masses”
(slow, sincere clap)
I’m not saying it’s aliens…
http://www.popularmechanics.com/science/a15050414/incredible-hypatia-stone-contains-compounds-not-found-in-the-solar-system/
Hypatia Lee would like a word about….rocks
https://tinyurl.com/yakqq5gw
There’s a name I haven’t heard in a coon’s age.
I was going to fisk the fuck out of that Hypatia Stone article and realized I couldn’t be assed to make the effort. That publication is the rectal cancer of science reporting.
Not quite the Nick Gillespie of science reporting though.
Great article, CPRM!
I can’t wait for your homage to Better Off Dead!
There is nothing about that film to change.
Monique had waaaay too much clothing on that entire movie!!
But yeah, you are probably right.
I love the quote when a journalist asked what Camaro meant “a small, vicious animal that eats Mustangs.”
Oh, indeed! Whatever happened to that girl? She was right in my wheelhouse…
At risk of becoming a pariah, I loved the Blues Brothers but I didn’t like the music. I saw it in the theater as a stoned 15 year-old.
You don’t have to worry that such an admission will result in you becoming a pariah.
You are one already.
Duly noted. *starts nuclear weapons program with help from Islamabad*
Consider yourself pariahed!
The Blues Brothers is perfect including the music!
I liked the music more than the movie, actually. But especially as I’m from Chicago, and spent much of my 20s going to the city’s great blues clubs, I always wondered why the Blues Brothers movie didn’t have more actual blues in it. The only real blues act in the movie was John Lee Hooker, who wasn’t even a Chicago blues man. The rest was mostly R&B acts (and yes, I know that stands for ‘rhythm and blues’, but it’s not really blues — perhaps ‘soul music’ is a better word). So James Brown, Aretha Franklin, Ray Charles? Where were Chicago greats like Muddy Waters, Willie Dixon, Howlin’ Wolf, Buddy Guy, Mary Lane, Big Time Sarah, Koko Taylor? No, let’s have Cab Calloway instead. Sheesh.
^^^ What the Good Doctor said.
So I was purist with a fledgling mustache even then? A completist? That explains so much! I must retreat to my lair and ponder these tidings.
Hey!
(criticism of Calloway in the context of not being blues is fair enough)
Friday night tits.
http://archive.is/T3L6h
Friday Night Headlights.
So much cuter when they smile!
33 wins.
13 is approachabley cute and my type.
20 looks like a good sport, as well.
15 so badly wants to ruin my life.
Yeah. And?
I’d say thank you ma’am may I have another.
I now had the lowest end NLE program, Windows Movie Maker
I made this with WMM and an HP all in one copy/print/scaner. I added the titles that say 2015 when I uploaded it the you tube but I made the animation much earlier mid to late oughts probably.
Cool, that was some good animation and artwork. I used to do animation using PowerPoint with clipart back in the 90s. But I don’t really have the temperament for animation and my drawing (or even photoshop) skills don’t vary enough for frame by frame.
Thanks, although “good” is a bit of a stretch.
Here I am in Rochester, enjoying the sound of the hump-shunting over in the Goodman Yard. Fucking engineers keep sounding their goddamn horns.
And then there’s the world’s loudest snowplowing – which I guess I should be grateful for.
Tourney start early?
Actually, sign-in has been put to 9AM, so my guess is that the Saturday events will run ’til 8PM. I’ll have top find out something to keep me busy tomorrow, Probably hang out in the hotel and get some shit done.
But dear lord Jeebus, it’s noisy out here on East Ave. Very shouty guests as well.
Best of luck to the kids.
I’ll pass it on. I think their teams will do OK, but I doubt they’ll come out on top. Competition’s ridiculously stiff, but as I think I mentioned, there will be scouts here. My son’s not that bothered about a D1 scholarship, but the other two guys are. One of them is a string contender based on his setting. The other is a competent but not spectacular opposite.
string=strong. Ugh. Insufficient scotch.
It’s interesting. No men’s volleyball here, although a dude I went to college with ended up on one of the beach tours.
Women’s volleyball here is huge, though. Must be the tall Scandis…
Same in my burg but sub Scandis for Germans. Lithe, blonde girls grunting and hopping and sqeeeing…
Those are some glorious euphemisms there.
Fiancee and I just finished your edit of Episode I, and our was fantastic. You took what was, to be honest, a pretty crap movie and made it enjoyable to watch! Well done.
*it. “It was fantastic.” My kingdom for an edit fairy.
Or a better Swype keyboard and a time machine. Either one will work.
You have a fiancee who watches nerd stuff with you.
Don’t get greedy.
She hates the government, wants to build a bar in our eventual home, and is pretty hot to boot. I definitely win.
Why thank you good sir. If you have any critiques I would like to hear them. My big concern with episode one is the Gungan story line and how Jar Jar works in at the story level. I know the pieces that are missing, so I’m always afraid I’m filling the story in in my own head and as a stand alone narrative it may not make sense.
Also, good job putting a ring on that.
“Some guy on this website I read that has sasquatch rape jokes made a fan edit of Star Wars Episode I, want to watch it?”
“yes”
Dream woman right there.
She enjoyed Zardoz, too. I really hit the jackpot.
Understatement of the year.
http://freebeacon.com/blog/cnn-has-lost-it/
What the hell, this whole post would properly out me to anyone who knows who I am, so I might as well tell one of my trademark stories.
When I was at UNLV (University of Las Vegas Nevada) I there was this girl from Kentucky. Beautiful blonde model type. All my friends were afraid to even talk to her. But, I do my best work when someone tells me I can’t do something. So I asked her out on a group date kind of thing, and she says yes. We go down to the strip at night. It’s dark outside. We go into the Aladdin Casino, which was ringed by a mall set to look like an arabian bizaare, with a bright blue sky and puffy clouds painted on the ceiling. She looks up at the ceiling and asks in a Kentucky accent, “Is that the real sky?”
I heard a similar thing in the Palazzo at the Venetian. I’m sure it happens a lot,
Edited version to makeThe Shining! a happy film!
yeah, It took me a long time to actually get my degree 10 years from beginning to end, and a prof showed that to us as an example of how you can change a film in edit.
Masterful! Including “Solisbury Hill” was the crowning glory. The theme song of new beginnings and hope for the future.
good music for drinking rum
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPGLNYAgL-8
One of the most straight-laced guys that I ever met started singing “The Cabin Boy” sea shanty after we plied him with booze at an away tournament. What a poor dog-eyed, haggard feller he looked the next morning. It was hilarious.
I’m gonna post it here because it’s late and I’m drunk. Two days ago, Mrs. Lachowsky had a miscarriage. We’ve been trying for damn near 6 years. Our first boy is a blessing and a godsend. I love him to death. We found out for sure in tuesday that the mrs. was for sure woth child. She lost it Wednesday morning. GOD DAMN IT FUCK IT PISS ON EVERYTHING!
Anyway, I’m upset but dealing with it. My wife has been a mess. She has basically cried for 3 days. I don’t know how to comfort her. I can’t really. This shit is hard and I don’t know what to do.
We drank this evening. probably not the best idea in the world. I layed with her and listened to her cry until she fell asleep tonight.
I don’t know. this shit sucks
Man I feel for you and the missus. There’s no answers that I have. Wife & I went through same thing about a year ago. It gets a little bit easier as time goes by is all I can say.
God bless man.
Thank you. I’m sure it gets better. I’m okay. I just really worry about my wife. She and the baby bond in utero way differently than I do ex utero. I haven’t said much because anything I sa won’t be right. I’m just trying to be there, because I think that’s all I can do.
/don’t mean to dump my problems on yall. I just like you guys and I value yalls input
I’m just trying to be there, because I think that’s all I can do.
You’re very wise.
This. The awesome moments are the ones we all like to talk about. The brutal ones are when you need to be your best.
Good luck, kid.
I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope that you and your wife have the support necessary to heal up from that trauma.
Thanks trashman
From what I recall of your postings, you’re a man with a family. I have one, but I want it to grow and right now I’m having shit for luck on that.
While we haven’t experienced a miscarriage firsthand, we’ve witnessed the aftermath of a few secondhand. The horrible news is that it hurts and it keeps on hurting for a long time. All sorts of things pick that scab back open. The good news is that sometimes terrible events inspire the best in you. Some of our friends who experienced miscarriages saw their family grow closer together out of necessity as they grieved for their shared loss. I hope that your family comes out of this hard time stronger than before. You and your family are in our prayers.
Thanks trashman. That makes sense. This is the best blog. I can’t get information like this anywhere else.
Um…Watch a 3hr Batman V Superman/Man of Steel fan cut with her?…..I…um…I may be to aspie to help…medic! Don’t worry, help will be here shortly…I need 150 CCs of comedy stat!
here’s some never fail comedy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7lhWdgsONg
That’s terrible. We spent 10’s of thousands in treatment to get our daughter. My would cry every time the monthly visitor came. Tough. Sorry to hear that.
Not Yen, dollars. Also *My wife would cry. I’d get drunk like you .
You understand then straff. My first came unexpected without any effort more than doing the deed. I can’t seem to make a second. Damn it.
The physical problem was on the wife’s end. I just wanted to make it perfectly clear that I didn’t blame her, but she still blamed herself. Not fun. Hug your boy. Many people can’t have any kids.
I don’t blame m wife at all. I have no idea why it hasn’t worked. She is blaming herself right now and I am trying to explain to her that it probably not her. The main reason for a miscarriage is a chromosomal problem that has nothing to do with her. I can say that and she understands it woth her rational brain. However, her emotional brain blames herself. Jesus, what a mess.
Tread carefully. Basically just do the Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting. Other than that, I have no advice.
I actively avoided having children during my fertile years and by the time I finally found the “right” one and settled down it was too late. I love my step-kids to pieces but I always wonder about the what-ifs… Godspeed, Lach. You guys will be fine.
I’m very sorry, L.
Thanks tundra. Life goes up and then down. It should go back up again.
Ugh. There are no words. I don’t know you and the Missus personally but by all evidence you are both excellent people and will weather this storm. Again, my Condolences. (signed, Darryl)
Thanks Darryl. That’s the most serious post I’ve seen from you on here. I appreciate that.
Yeah, real life can take the wind out of a jokester’s sails pretty quickly. I care about this community.
#metoo
If you’re going through hell, keep going.
If you’re going through Hell
Keep on going, don’t slow down
If you’re scared, don’t show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you’re there
I don’t even like country, but that’s a decent one
I’m sorry Lach.
I don’t know any advice. keep strong. we’re here for you.
Thanks doom. Best I can tell, there ain’t no advice. Human emotion is what it is. It will follow the course of our feelings. It can be guided to more good or more bad by the folk around us. There is only a limited amount of guidance any individual can give or force upon another. I aim to give positive guidance. Maybe i can be successful.
You’re a good man. continue to be there for her. we’ll be here for you.
My mom had one before I arrived. I know it hit hard.
Sucky sucky bad. Sometimes you just gotta get drunk. Sorry to hear it.
It doesn’t hurt to go to Church, Temple, Voodoo Guru or whichever way you swing either.
L waxes philosophically, much as (((Q))) did a few days ago.
I absolutely abandoned my faith as a teenager. Not due to logic. I lost it due to human made trauma. I can’t believe there is god that would allow that type of shit to happen. My faith is gone.
sometimes I miss it.
I understand. Whatever order and chaos there is in the universe is constantly at battle and it rarely makes sense. It helps me to think of a greater meaning to it all; you do whatever you need to do to work through it. Sorry for you guys.
Thanks Q. If titty pics and philosophical musings could make my wife feel alright, then you would be the doc of the day. Sadly, it’s a bit more complicated than that.
OTOH, I haven’t tried titty pics and philosophical musings….
so maybe?
Tell the boy the truth. He’ll be picking up the pain and it will confuse the shit out of him.
IDK, tundra. I’m doing my best to be normal with my boy. He didn’t know about his future younger sibling. I have bend telling him mama is sick while doing my best to do normal shit with him.
I’m sorry L. I don’t know about a miscarriage, but my (adult) stepson died several years ago and my wife still grieves. Not openly, but it’s always there and hasn’t really gone away. She laughs and has happiness. I don’t want to give the impression that it all consuming but at the same time, it’s still there. Each person experiences grief their own way I think, and everyone has their own way of coping (or not coping).
My half penny advice is do what you can do, treat her well, stand by her and take care of your son. Don’t worry so much about what you think you should be doing or should be getting over it or should whatever in the days to come. Just do what you know is right.
That’s sound advice Gustave. I want everything to be back to normal.
I’m sorry to hear about your stepson. That has to be hard on you and you wife. One of by best friend’s stepson killed himself with my friends gun 4 years ago. He was 14 when he pulled the trigger. My buddy and his wife (and their combined 7 kids) have made it through. How they have, I couldn’t tell you.
I went to that funeral. It was one of the saddest things I have ever seen.
I guess it good to keel in mind that others have it worse.
Life is terribly unfair, and a cunt faced asshole. I have nothing to add, other than, yes, time does heal all wounds. The problem is that the time needed can be years. Love your wife, love your son, and be sure that communication and tears can be very cathartic.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing a child, whether born or not, has to be one of if not the worst thing imaginable. My wife and I also went through years of expensive treatments before getting our daughter. I know the pain of disappointment in negative tests or the mixed emotions of friends accidentally getting pregnant. All I can say is you just have to keep getting up everyday and moving forward, while supporting each other as best you can. But it is a shit world to have to get through.
I’m very sorry for you and your wife. It’s obviously traumatic for her. Sounds like you are doing all you can.
Sorry, Lach. I’ve been there and I know. But it’s Nature doing her ruthless thing, and just the same way, Nature will do its wonderful thing.
You guys will end up being great parents again.
My condolences for your loss.
Miscarriages blow ass. We had one between my kids’ births. Real hard on the wife. Women are wired to nurture and protect so it feels like the hardest failure. Obviously no picnic for us but they have it a million times worse. Took my wife about a year to recover and want to try again.
This is probably obvious but whatever you do, DONT say anything that downplays the pain like “at least it was only 8 weeks”. I said that because I’m an idiot. Big mistake. Did not help.
FWIW my neighbor’s wife got surprise pregnant after doing IVF for their first three because they didn’t use birth control after some dumbass doctor said they could not conceive naturally. Fortunately they already had twins so a single birth was easy street. Anyway just goes to show that ob/gyns can fuckup a diagnosis.
Hang in there.
Oh my God Lachowsky. I am so sorry to hear that. That is a tough one.
I’ve been there. The first wife and I went through exactly the same experience. Our first was a raging success and then we lost the second one. There isnt really anything you can do to comfort her other than be a good husband and be understanding. Time will help. Just stick by her.
Deepest condolences on your loss. My sister miscarried shortly after she and her husband married. One thing they did to help them get some form of closure was to, at least unofficially, name the lost child.
Stay as strong as you can for her and your son, and I’m sure you can lean on us if you need to vent.
Condolences.
Some silliness. Restaurant manager arrested for shooting dozens of toothpicks into face of employee with toy crossbow
“Unfortunately, this news is probably only going to make those things more popular.”
Yes.
“Where do they sell these?”
Fuck yeah!
No kidding. That thing is kick ass.
I need it.
I’ll keep my eyes peeled and report back.
Not sure if silly is the right word; sounds like the guy was regularly abused and tortured
Lach,. I got nothin’, but you’re clearly a straight up guy. You’ll get through this.
Thank you Mikey. I do my best.
random movie recommendation:
The Beast (or, “The Beast of War”)
i only mention because im taking some old hard drives i stored DVDs on and deciding what to keep, what to delete. this one is fortunately all over pirate bay despite being a hard-to-find DVD for years
(it was only shown in theaters for like a week in the US. strange backstory – basically, the studio head who approved it was fired, and the incoming person decided to bury it for a variety of reasons – partly political, partly just trying to disown predecessor’s legacy, partly financial, o: it was an ‘arty’ war movie in the age of Stallone + Schwarzenegger)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beast_(1988_film)
its like the only movie about the war in Afghanistan in the 1980s, actually MADE in the 1980s, and more than that: made well, with a superb cast.
its not attempting to be a realistic historical depiction of war: but it does have a number of interesting details, like how the people playing the afghans actually speak pashto in the film, and they actually tried to accurately depict how a 1980s russian tank crew worked together (*they got lots wrong, but its still far better than Rambo III)
anyway, its an interesting film. its one i have to keep.
Rambo 3, while being the worst of the Rambos, has the best line.
Blasphemy. the 2008 reboot is certainly worse (tho i’ve never finished it)
i retain a childhood fondness for RIII. tho its been forever since i’ve seen it.
Wrong! Rambo (Rambo 4) is great and if it were just a generic war movie I think it would have won accolades.
This guy gets it. that .50 in action…..
The “baby oil” Rambo? Jesse’s ears perk.
That’s a great movie. I saw it as a kid not long after it first came out and several times since. I should watch it again.
That film hits my fatalistic fetish. Haven’t seen it in decades. I can see it aging like Manhunter, i.e. quite well.
Read good reviews of it, but never quite made it into my amazon cart. Maybe soon. (after I review my Russian Afghan War flick)
Well, I have to work in the morning. Thank you for your comments. Latch, I don’t have any advice, but I hope things get better. Good night Glibs.
Watching The Fourth War, which I’ve never seen before. Pretty good so far.
I’m watching the unforgiven. Oldie but goodie.
Funny, i think it probably has a lot in common with the one i mentioned above. (e.g. lesser known, well-made, wildly over-cast relative to its promotion, about what is really just “personality conflicts” in obscure war-time environment)
goodnight glibs. I thank you all for your empaty.
Best site evah-
Omifuck. Wifey is watching the chick Ghostbusters. My snark-meter broke. Who in the hell thought that Leslie Jones was a funny person?
I’m not sure that her sense of humor is what they were judging…
And I just realized half my comment got deleted. I can’t remember the whole thing but it was about her hair and like, super clever
“That’s okay, Darlin’, happens to the best of us!” she proclaimed while lighting a smoke and tossing the bed sheets aside.
Ahahahahahahahah!https://youtu.be/fTENLWEGSRM
Thank you for letting me know in the overnight thread! I totally missed this before and definitely want to watch them. Downloading now!
Thank you. Please let me know your thoughts, good and bad.
Watched Episode 1 over the weekend. Fantastic! That’s what the movie should have been like originally. I was so pissed off at the original I never saw the other two. Now I’m downloading your Episode 2.
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think. I’m always looking to improve them, so if their is anything you don’t think works I would like to hear your thoughts.
I watched your Episode 2 last night. Some observations:
– Jar Jar Binks and C-3PO come across as Mysterious Characters. They’re there but there’s no explanation for their presence. I do not suggest restoring the original’s character’s origin stories.
– In Episode 2 I noticed quite a lot of what I’m going to call “judder”. It’s particularly noticeable in the scene when Anakin and Padme have landed on Naboo and are walking in the courtyard to the palace. Movement is almost stop-motion and then turns smooth again. Audio wasn’t affected. What’s that about? Was my crappy computer having difficulty rendering the video?
I can’t think of any way in which your versions can be improved plot-wise.
In a different post you said you manually removed Jar Jar from 50 frames. Are you willing to reveal where? I’d like to see if I can notice.
I’m looking forward to Episode 3 this evening.
With 3PO I looked at it like this; if it was the first time watching any star wars movie, he isn’t important, and in fact it could be argued none of the protocol droids seen in this cut even are 3PO, as far as I remember the name isn’t uttered in this cut.
That is one of the deleted scenes I restored, and that is best quality I could find it in. If I can find a higher quality version that one will be replaced.
The 50 frames of Jar Jar removal are in episode one, when Obi Wan and Quai-Gon jump off the balcony after first entering Naboo City to free the queen.
Thank you for your feedback. I look forward to your thoughts on episode 3.
Wow that was dark. Excellent, but dark. I actually thought at the end, “Is there no hope?” and then chuckled. I never saw the original. Was it that dark?
My only quibble is that twice Yoda got into difficult situations (When the clone army was ordered to kill all the Jedi and when he confronted Palpatine.) and there was no mention of how he got out of the first one and only brief mention of how he got out of the second. (A brief scene of lightsaber fighting the Senate chamber and crawling through ductwork.)
I was also confused as to why Padme died but after some Googling I discovered I’m not alone in that.
Of course movies of this importance need to be watched several times. Your versions have been given the honor of permanent residence on my movie-watching computer’s hard disk drive.
I’m now considering succumbing to the temptation of downloading your Batman/Superman movie. I’ve only ever seen the very first Batman movie.
That was an oversight on my part, those were supposed to be cut from this version, Yoda’s fate was supposed to remain a mystery (so it in the context of the full series his re-introduction would be a surprise in Empire) That will be fixed in the next edition.
As for it being dark, most of what is here was in the theatrical cut, but it was bloated and tonally inconsistent (R2 getting into hijinx and such, as well as Anakin wavering in his turning dark). This cut does make his descent darker.
Padme, George screwed the pooch on this one. In the original cut they basically say ‘She has lost the will to live, because of a broken heart.’ My cut intentionally leaves how, or even really when she died, so it can loosely be interpreted in the full context of the entire story that perhaps she did live long enough that Leia could remember her if you’re generous enough.
Thank you again for the feedback. I’ll try and find a way to post the newer versions whenever I recut them.
Exactly, you can’t have ‘A New Hope’ if hope is still alive.
I started watching your Batman vs. Superman movie last night but beer and a toasty warm wood stove conspired to put me to sleep about halfway through. I’ll probably finish it tonight.
Finished it last night. Some thoughts:
– It’s a long movie. When your genius is recognized and your cut licensed to appear in theaters, I recommend adding an intermission. The one from the Barbra Streisand “Hello Dolly” movie would be good and lighten the tone a bit.
– Was that Wonder Woman appearing near the end?
– Sometimes Superman’s face looks human and sometimes it looks hyper-masculine. Is that supposed to show his state of mind or something or is it because of the synthesis of two separate movies?
I haven’t seen the original movies so I just read the IMDB plot synopses for them. They both sound like wrecks. Your cut is not a wreck but not being a fan of DC characters I think I’m going to have to watch it again in order to appreciate it more.
Damn it. The “Hello Dlly” line was supposed to the HTML joke tags around it.
-Yes, it is long, but considering Man of Steel was 2hr 20min and Batman V Superman was 2hr 30min; I’d say 3hrs to tell both stories better works in my favor.
-Yes, that was Wonder Woman.
-That would be the effect of putting the two movies together, they had slightly different styles for Superman.
-I will admit this cut is coming from a fanboy. I appreciate getting thoughts from someone who isn’t one. Did it make sense why Batman fought Superman and why the fight ended? Those were two points that people hit on the original film for that I tried to smooth out, I would like to know if you thought it worked in this cut.
Thanks again.
I need to watch it again. The first time I watch a movie I get freaked out trying to figure out the plot. I can’t really enjoy a movie until the second time. Then I’m relaxed and can see why things are happening.
Jumping onto this thread with some additional thoughts – just finished watching and genuinely enjoyed.
I haven’t previously seen the two film in their entirety (I have viewed long portions of both in-and-out of consciousness while on lengthy flights). Your version does clarify “why” Batman/Superman fought and ended.
The opening sequence was excellent and set-up both stories (Batman and Superman) in a clear, concise and logical manner. I particularly enjoyed the metaphoric use of light versus dark – particularly impressive since these were scenes from different films. For those unfamiliar with the story, I would suggest additional Batman character development. The motivations are presented but not the how does Bruce Wayne evolve, develop technology, what/who is Alfred, etc.
The Africa segment was lengthy from an initial set-up perspective, but I nearly missed the framing of Superman by Lex L. mercs. The Daily Planet scenes were somewhat gratuitous and sitcom-like creating some difficult transitions to the darker Bruce Wayne/Batman scenes – overall these were handled well.
The Zod reemergence was also quite long – particularly from Superman’s surrender to ~1:54. However, the included footage is excellent and also includes some critical concepts. I would only shorten if the overall movie length is of-concern. The segues BACK to Batman were excellent
Overall an EXCELLENT cut that I heartily recommend!
As a cut of other movies, I don’t have this footage to use as it wasn’t in either film.
The desert scene and Zod’s arrival are two parts I would like to cut down, but I couldn’t find a way to cut it down and have a sequence that made sense at the end and delivered the information that needed to be conveyed. If there is a demand for it I will keep playing around with those scenes to see if I can make a version 2 that is a bit more streamlined.
Thank you for your thoughts on this crazy project of mine.
Watched your Batman vs. Superman cut again. My take is that the fight started because Batman was jealous. Originally he was the senior badass costumed vigilante and then along comes someone an orders of magnitude more powerful. The fight stopped when Batman proved he could kill Superman by almost doing it. The point of the fight wasn’t to kill Superman, but to crush him, have him driven before one, and hear the lamentations of his woman.