ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. HAVING RECENTLY DISPATCHED “DEAR PRUDENCE” ONCE AGAIN, ZARDOZ NOTES THAT “DEAR ABBY” HAS PERSISTED IN HER ERRONEOUS WAYS. AS SHE REMAINS IN NEED OF CORRECTION, ZARDOZ WILL PROVIDE THE BETTER ADVICE FOR HIS CHOSEN ONES.
Q: Dear Abby: I play cards with a group of men I have known for more than 20 years. We switch partners after six hands so everyone partners with everyone.
One member of the group has now become unable to remember the rules and constantly asks how he should respond to his partner’s bid. He also keeps asking the score and whose deal it is. Because we give small prizes for the high score, I think it’s cheating to discuss a hand across the table.
What should we do when he asks the rules or how to bid a hand? I think we should play as we always have, and not discuss the hand or how to bid. Should I find another group to play with, and how can I explain my reason for quitting the group? — PLAYER IN THE SOUTH
A: IT IS CLEAR YOUR FELLOW CARD PLAYING BRUTAL RAN AFOUL OF THE ETERNALS AND WAS PREMATURELY AGED INTO DOTAGE.
PUNISHMENT!
SUFFERING!
RESULT!
YOU MUST CEASE TO PLAY CARDS OR GO TO SECOND LEVEL MEDITATION WITH HIM. ABANDON HIM TO WANDER THE STREETS OF THE VORTEX, WITH THE OTHERS THAT HAVE BEEN PUNISHED THUS. AS FAR AS A NEW PARTNER, ZARDOZ WOULD BE PLEASED TO SIT IN A FEW HANDS. AS LONG AS ONE OF YOU CAN MANIPULATE THE CARDS FOR ZARDOZ…SINCE, WELL, YOU KNOW. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: Dear Abby: One of my nephews is turning 24 soon. I am reluctant to get him a birthday gift because he’s lazy and disrespectful and makes up excuse after excuse for not working. On top of that, he has a 1-year-old daughter and managed to get his family evicted because he felt the mother should do everything — and I mean EVERYthing.
He’s on his cellphone all day texting other women or posting Facebook nonsense. The mother of his child finally woke up and left him, so now he has moved in with his mother.
We’re pretty sure he won’t be living with her long before he’s kicked out. We have all tried to help and support him, but we are tired and no longer want to be bothered.
Must I give him a birthday gift? Or should I use the excuse he gives everyone else: “Oh, I ordered your gift online and they must not have shipped it yet.” — TIRED OF THIS MESS
A: WEAKLING BRUTAL! THE ONLY GIFT YOUR WORTHLESS “NEPHEW” SHOULD RECEIVE, IS THE GIFT OF THE GUN – AIMED AT HIM!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRUTAL!
AS FOR HIS SHIFTLESS WAYS, DO NOT WORRY. ZARDOZ HAS A “JOB” FOR HIM…AND IT IS NOT PLAYING CALL OF DUTY.
YOU ARE “HIRED”
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: Dear Abby: Many years ago, in a “Farmer’s Almanac,” I read a saying so profound and succinct, I have never forgotten it. I thought one day I should send it to you. Well, with everything that’s been happening in Hollywood and beyond, this is the time.
It goes, “If you don’t want anyone to know about it, don’t DO it!” — FAITHFUL READER IN CARMEL, N.Y.
A: BRUTAL NONSENSE! THERE ARE TWO WAYS TO MAKE SURE NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT SOMETHING; 1) DO NOT GO TO SECOND LEVEL MEDITATION WITH THEM, 2) CLEANSE ANYONE WHO KNOWS.
ANYONE ELSE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY IN CRITICISM OF ZARDOZ’S ACTIONS?
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
These…euphemisms.
Dammit!
I bid 2 NO TRUMP
#resistance
Phrasing! BOOM!
“We switch partners after six hands so everyone partners with everyone.”
…kinky
The chafing after so many jerks in the circle must be horrid.
“One of my nephews is turning 24 soon. I am reluctant to get him a birthday gift”
Who still buys a 24 year-old presents? No birthday matters after 21 and every one is dreaded after 30
just get him a birthday card with $5 in it. if he’s going to act like a fucking child, then treat him like one.
Check out Rockefeller over here. I got a $1 in a birthday card from my grandparents until I got married.
In the snow up hill both ways.
Was it in those cards with the special little flap for holding cash or checks?
Nope. Hallmark. My grandmother used to manage a Hallmark.
So… you got the shitty cards that wouldn’t sell?
My kids don’t even get family parties after they turn 16. We’ll have one at 18. For 21, it’s out to a bar.
No hookers? I am disappoint.
There’s no age limit on getting a hooker.
I am almost 43. My wife is 44. My parents and my aunts still send us both birthday presents every year. I have tried to tell them to please not do so. But nonetheless, like clockwork, there’s a present waiting every year.
Is it a check for $2.50?
A bowl of ribbon candy.
I get birthday presents from my parents and my sister. I’m 41. Fine by me if they want to keep spending money on me!
My grandmother gives half birthday gifts, and Valentine’s for her entire family including her sons in their early 50s. I got May day gifts till I moved to a different state at 22. It’s an excuse to get attention and go shopping.
Other than her it’s mostly seen as a time when the family is expected/obligated to meet up and eat at a restaurant together.
I think this is it. They shop and they have disposable income. So why not, right?
I’ll get cards and stuff from family, and my MIL will usually slip me a gift card to a restaurant or something like that, but I haven’t gotten actual birthday gifts since I was 18. Starting in my 20s it was mostly an excuse to get shitfaced, and since having a child it’s usually leverage to get to stay out late with the fellas, and by late I mean home by midnight.
Why would anyone need an excuse to stay out past midnight? Who would actually want to stay out past midnight?
— I’m too old for this shit
My parents and sister will often get me a gift for my birthday. But I also get them gifts for their birthdays–and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We don’t have a party or anything like that unless we’re all handily in the same area by circumstance, though.
My five year gets me stuff that he picks out himself. I have received: one of those little penguin handheld fans, Chewbacca pants, a cupcake (with the icing licked off) and a #1 Dad hat.
Awesome! I got a #1 dad keychain tape measure once.
Best gift I’ve ever gotten.
*sniff*
For christmas I’ll receive socks and some sort of warm clothing item. flannel or waffle shirt.
This year Dad also got me a carb rebuild kit and some shackle stuff for the truck. needed items.
My birthday I’ll get a card from my folks. and maybe socks. Gas money or something I need but wouldn’t buy. last birthday was a set of towels.
My parents & siblings still all exchange birthday gifts. Nothing extravagant, but still something nice and personal. I see nothing wrong with it.
Mighty Zardoz –
I am seeking your advice for a new table saw. Something similar to a Shop Fox, Grizzly, Jet, etc. but not up to a Powermatic. Thank you mighty Zardoz.
I have a Jet and love it. Keep the bare steel surface oiled.
Thanks. I have a Delta from Lowes which has some accuracy issues (warped arbor which I replaced with one that wasn’t as warped) and want a better one. Which model do you have?
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN SAWING ONE. ZARDOZ ASSUMES YOU WILL BE SAWING BRUTALS. THEREFOR, HEED THE WORDS OF THE SCIENTIFIC ONE. BOTH THE BRAND, AND THE MAINTENANCE. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
I look forward to sawing brutals in your honor with better accuracy.
I’d have to run over to my shop to check the model. It’s fairly basic though. The best thing I ever did for it was put a set of wheels on the base. Moving that thing around the shop was awful since it was so heavy. With the wheels it’s a breeze.
That’s what I’ll be needing to do. I have a small space to keep everything, but can wheel it out and take over the rest of the garage if needed.
They’re all built by furriners, and I haven’t bought a saw in years, but the Jet one I bought 20 years ago is solid and looks better than the equivalent spec Delta model that looked at a few years back. It says a lot when a Delta ships with a warped arbor, though.
Yeah the arbor wobbled about a half degree when at 90 degrees. The new arbor wobbles less. I had a bad experience with the local repair shop too. I’ve learned to work with the inaccuracy but need/want a 50″ rip capacity.
SawStop. Nice saws.
I was thinking a price range that would just piss my wife off, and a Saw Stop would send her over the top. I have come close to needing the feature that Saw Stop has, so maybe I should reconsider.
It’s a tough call. I’ve had some close shaves in the past (Powermatic widowmaker), but I hardly ever use one anymore. I sold the Powermatic and have an old BT3000 when I need to make a quick cut, but I think the SS will be at the top pf my ist should I ever get another one.
Harbor Freight stuff? Was going to type junk, but some of their stuff is okay.
Harbor Freight is great if you know you will only use it once every two or three years.
I have bought a few things from them without any issues. Mostly light duty stuff like a drill press, dust collector, and a framing nailer. The best thing I bought was their $15 HVLP spray gun. It took some practice but I’ve sprayed furniture, doors, kitchen cabinets, and a bunch of other things. It started acting up but I realized it needed to be cleaned. Now it works just like it did when it was new.
Festool is worse, right? show that first.
soften the blow
I have done that with a few purchases.
Wow, two features in the middle of the day? This place is happening!
Kochs must of deposited a check. Expect the next article to be “Actually, Borders are Problematic” by Swiss
“Sandwich-making 101 by SugarFree”
prepare for nightmares
And prepare for ENB to try to ruin your career prospects, shitlord.
The Kochs would never ask anyone affiliated with Switzerland to dis borders….it would blow their cover.
And a Jewsday upcoming tonight!
I don’t know if it’d qualify for an episode or not, but how about suggestions for dating the Chosen? My son is infatuated with a jewish girl, and I have no advice to give.
“Don’t stick it in crazy, son.”
I know right? It’s going to confuse Rufus!
Sorry you don’t get to control the monster you helped create.
https://www.afp.com/en/news/206/french-star-deneuve-defends-mens-right-chat-women-doc-w392z1
Advice from ZARDOZ?
The Kraken wasn’t going to release itself.
Say that to a female coworker and get ready to be #metooed.
I was discussing this with one of my 30-y.o. female subs this afternoon.
She’s Albanian, so finds the whole idea of feminism laughable, and frankly, if it weren’t for th HR department here, she’d be getting a lot more attention than she currently does. Her immediate response was that it’s only the expectation of harassment that makes her want to get up and take the 6 train in the morning.
Go on…
Yes, and pics please.
Serious question: Are Albanian immigrants like Cuban immigrants? You know, the ones that are here are most definitely NOT socialists. Asking because my supervisor is Albanian.
No clue on Albanians, but my girlfriend’s family from Guyana, having seen what socialism does first hand both in their country and next door in Venezuela are the most ardent supporters of capitalism I’ve ever met.
Transplants from post-Soviet places definitely seem to be pretty deplorable-friendly; they’ve seen first hand what Communism/Socialism does and are not eager to repeat it.
So, my boss really is that hot? Got it.
Well, her family left just after the outbreak of the Balkan War; they had serious money and she was pretty cagey about whether she was actually Montenegran or Albanian. Given that Albania was always reported as being far more oppressive and communist than Yugoslavia, conversationally, she’d say Montenegro.
She has 3 brothers, one ‘in the military’ (I presume and hope the US Military). She’s pro-2A and is going to get her NRA Basic Pistol Qual, which is pretty much a prerequisite for a pistol permit up here, in places where, y’kno, you can actually get a permit.
My guess is that her parents were connected with the old communists under Alia, and they got out when Ceaucescu was deposed. So I have no idea of where her parents’ political ideologies aligned, but she’s pretty much a ‘heavily disenchanted Republican’, and thinks Trump is just what America deserves at the moment.
I’m thinking my boss is I that boat. I sort of tossed out a libertarian “flag” during the interview and somehow wound up with the job. Later I found out another guy I am working whom she also hired is from NH. He happened to know what μολὼν λαβέ meant. Yes, even in Greek.
I’m seeing a pattern…
I think she’s quite likely to be near the individualistic end of conservatism based on some of the discussions we’ve had, but proseltyzing for the cause of libertarianism is probably not a great idea while she reports to me.
Once they kick me out, I’d probably stay in touch because – well, why the hell not.
He brothers sound dangerous though, and those Balkan-types can be awfully tribal …
A guy I keep in touch with from high school was one of the Vietnamese boat people as a toddler, and you’ll never find anyone who hates communism more.
Yes, that I have seen.
Catherine Denueve is old enough to be my grandmother and she’s still a 10 in my book.
THE FRENCH BRUTAL IS IN ERROR! THE PENIS IS EVIL! THUS, MEN SHOULD NOT TRY TO CHAT UP FEMALE BRUTALS IN AN EFFORT TO SATISFY THEIR PENIC ERECTION. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
ZARDOZ-
What should we do with the Puerto Ricans displaced by the storm?
The evil Koch’s want to help the refugees with evil English language classes, other evil civic-minded training which will only lead to their prosperity.. yet greater prosperity typically leads to lower birth rates.
“It’s a win-win. They get the needed guidance and tools they’re going to need to transition faster. But it’s also an opportunity for us to educate them on the ideas that we feel make America strong — the principles of economic freedom,” he said.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/powerpost/wp/2018/01/08/as-influx-of-puerto-ricans-continues-koch-backed-group-starts-seeking-them-out-in-florida/?utm_term=.ea1ef11c1a49
Ever Brutally Yours,
RB
I have no objection to language lessons and civic minded training . . . voluntarily funded by private donations.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS INQUIRING ONE. YOU HAD ZARDOZ AT “GREATER PROSPERITY LEADS TO LOWER BIRTH RATES.” GO FORTH AND TRAIN! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
How do you know my brother in law?
OT: I’m actually ok with this approach because I think it’s the only practical way anything gets done.
https://apnews.com/63df959272f94f908b7a27ba55553df9
That nephew is such a piece of shit, I wouldn’t want to be in the same room with him, much less give him gifts. That said, I do like the idea of giving him a kid’s birthday card with $5 in it.
Give him a Godfather-themed birthday, by which I mean hand him a one-way plane ticket and have a few friends give him a ride to the airport.
garrotte too?
-Tom, can you get me off the hook? For old time’s sake?
-Can’t do it, Sally *nods to henchmen*
I really don’t understand family members who tolerate that sort of shit. Lady, you don’t OWE that brat any gifts. Bring him nothing, and if he whines about it ask him if it’s past his nappy time. He doesn’t deserve any more of your attention.
OT: Why the world hates (((us))).
https://townhall.com/columnists/michaelmedved/2006/08/09/why-the-world-hates-the-jews-n852006
*shrugs*
Some of us hate everybody…
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN H8ING ONE. JUST BECAUSE ZARDOZ WANTS TO CLEANSE THE FILTH OF BRUTALS WHO PLAGUE THE EARTH, HE GETS A LOT OF HATE. DON’T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
lol
Remember this article when the circle jerking about “The Post” and how wonderful the press corps is starts circulating. They self-congratulate themselves to orgasm for things that were done 50 years ago all they want, but their credibility is forever lost now.
WE WUZ GR8 ONCE!
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
I’d say that’s the stupidest thing I read today, but it’s still early.
In fact, in important ways the social justice approach — which emphasizes the dynamics of power and oppression — that many fear has taken over the humanities and social sciences at its best is actually an improvement over the “disinterested pursuit of truth” and more in line with the Socratic method.
no.
The Oprahtic method
*applause*
I always want to have someone who espouses that fly on an aircraft designed (and built) by people who look at aeronautical engineering through different perspectives and lenses.
i was going to call it the Sotomayortic method but yours is better.
Christ, that’s eye-wateringly stupid. It is technically possible for New Left ideas to be illuminating. The concept of ‘the other’ can explain why the Ancient Greeks liked to put giants, centaurs and Amazons on their temples, for example.
But the point about SJWs is their intolerance of dissent and their belief that they represent the apex of intellectual discussion. They are too arrogant to be able to confront heterodoxy and too ignorant to realise that their opinions are not necessarily either new or universal. It’s not what they think, so much as how they behave.
He is an idiot because he looks solely at the ideas supported by the SJWs (which are actually not new, but whatever), and fails to see that the SJW ideology, focussing as it does on “privilege” and “oppression”, requires that other ideas be shut down and shut out. He pretends that what causes concern is only the ideas the put forth (which, again, have been widely discussed in academia for decades and widely tolerated if not actually accepted), when the concern is that the ideology isn’t just being debated, it is being put into actual practice.
And that actual practice is ugly, violent, bigoted, and intended to destroy any kind of open discussion.
My grandmother used to cheat at the once-weekly family Golf card game at her and my grandfather’s home. Everyone knew she did it, and my grandfather would even try to help her by passing cards he thought she might want. … She still only very rarely won a game. I think everyone just thought it was cute rather than be vexed by it.
My Dad loves to cheat at cards, in the most obvious way possible, because it makes him laugh. “Hey, Dad, how come you have about 20 cards in your hand while the rest of us have 7?” “Hey, Dad, you’re supposed to discard one card at a time, not all of them.” That sort of thing. I always end up trying to cheat slightly more subtly since everyone is watching him.
I have an uncle like that. He never stops trying to look at everyone else’s cards in a very obvious manner.
Hahah! That’s a great strategy! I’ll have to try it out…next time…
Lol. Mrs. Tundra’s family plays Golf at family events. I’ll have to watch my MIL more closely!
She did the exact same thing, every hand: look at the top two cards, act a little aghast when she remembered she’s not supposed to look at those, and then look at the bottom two (like you’re supposed to). It just cracked me up that it was exactly the same, every time.
Hey, if you find something that works you gotta stick with it!
As of yet, no comment from STEVE SMITH.
https://pjmedia.com/trending/washington-california-lead-u-s-bigfoot-sightings/
How about SEA SMITH sightings?
So I saw that Zardoz was actually on Starz the other day, and I taped it. Finally watched it last night and…..yeah, that’s one weird movie.
We, here at Glibertarians, only ask that you view it. No more than that.
Oh, yeah. Have the free Starz trial. Will have to fire it up!
I think it was Starz. Either Starz or The Movie Channel.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN CHANNEL SEARCHING ONE. ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU TAKE IN THE MARVEL THAT IS ZARDOZ!
Whoa, back up a bit. You taped it?
“Taped” is the correct terminology for those old enough to remember using a VCR.
“Be kind, rewind!”
One year I got my dad a VHS cassette rewinder shaped like a ’63 Corvette. Ah, the 80s.
A simpler time. Full of big hair, bright clothes and cocaine.
Tundra speaks the truth…
For those of you don’t remember it, GET OFF MY LAWN.
In case you want to feel even older Mad Scientist. We’re getting the fun of watching legacy icons lose their meaning because the items they represent are no longer used.
No, I didn’t use a cassette. I digitally recorded it. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT, DAMMIT! I’m old and my terminology ain’t changing.
I say taped a little less than half the time, and only used a vcr for a few years of my life.
I say “taped” all the time instead of “recorded.” I’d probably say “colored people” too if I hadn’t settled on “black” back when it was the in word to use.
Laugh, but look at all the nautical terms we still use even though the age of sails and boats is a century behind us.
So which of the founders works at Starz? You can’t tell me it’s a coincidence that Zardoz is on Starz the same month they send out a free month to a bunch of people.
Hey, Number 6. A quick update on defensive ammunition. The HSTs fed like shit through the EMPs. My wife had jams in both guns, and I had jams in my EMP-4. However, we put 50 rounds of Gold Dots through all four pistols flawlessly.
Dear Zardoz,
Dear Zardoz,
This article is titled “ZARDOZ VS DEAR ABBEY” but the photos all show Abbey in front of Zardoz. Unless…is that really you with that blonde hair and red lipstick?
So, would?
I’d give Zardoz the gift of the gun (IYKWIMAITYD).